tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45457901710857712252024-03-13T04:00:37.631-07:00Shenanigans with Havoc MantisThis is a blog where I keep all my writing that is longer than 140 characters, doesn't rhyme, and isn't about skeletons. This blog mostly has jokes and opinions about video games, and I can't promise that either are good.Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-52466177463586769362015-11-08T12:55:00.001-08:002015-11-08T12:55:42.962-08:00With Liberty and Justice for All<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>If there is one thing to be learned by reading my blog, it’s that they probably shouldn’t just give a blog to anyone who asks. I didn’t have to get a license to do this or pass any kind of test. I just asked Google and they let me put my words on the internet forever. So much for “Don’t be evil”. But if there’s anything else to be learned from reading my blog, it is that I’m a pretty big fan of Skullgirls.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RAb8Po9MJTc/Vj-mL7eZfoI/AAAAAAAAAk0/OeGwEs2R360/s1600/lady%2Bboner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="226" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RAb8Po9MJTc/Vj-mL7eZfoI/AAAAAAAAAk0/OeGwEs2R360/s400/lady%2Bboner.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's probably the one thing I've referenced on this blog more often than this image.</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But Skullgirls is done; the last of the DLC characters has been created, and everything’s been fine-tuned to the satisfaction of the creators and the fans. Skullgirls is in the past, and I intend to discuss the future. And the future is <a href="https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/indivisible-rpg-from-the-creators-of-skullgirls/x/12385262#/story">Indivisible</a>, Lab Zero’s next project. Before you read on, I recommend that you click that link and give the game a try yourself. There is nothing that I can say about the game, or really anything in general, that is as compelling as actually playing it. Now, you might think it a bit suspicious that Lab Zero managed to create a game in the year or so since they finished Skullgirls. Well, the truth is that they didn’t; the game isn’t technically “made” yet. What you can play currently is just a prototype, albeit a damn fun game in its own right. The game proper won't be made unless the Indiegogo campaign meets its goal. Rather than desperately plead that you help fund this project so that I can have any hope for video games as an art, I will have some modicum of chill, and just normally plead you to do that.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pLcvL1dq7Yw/Vj-vSJXlNhI/AAAAAAAAAmA/bsXhWM51YIQ/s1600/ajna%2Band%2Bfather%2Bindivisible.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pLcvL1dq7Yw/Vj-vSJXlNhI/AAAAAAAAAmA/bsXhWM51YIQ/s320/ajna%2Band%2Bfather%2Bindivisible.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">C'mon man, just check it out.</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>So what is Indivisible, actually? It’s an RPG. But it’s also a lot more than that. It’s an RPG with combos. You play as Ajna, a young woman who, for story reasons, must do martial arts at Bad Guys. Along the way, she discovers that she has the power to absorb certain people, called Incarnations, into herself, and have them fight at her side. So they're kind of like Personas, except you have to absorb their powers by eating them, like Kirby, and also it's probably nothing like that at all. Your party consists of Ajna and 3 of these incarnations. Each of your 4 party members corresponds to a face button on the controller, which is used to execute attacks. Each party member has 3 attacks, which you can use to chain together combos. There are no turns; you have to wait between attacks, but combat takes place in real time. When enemies attack, you can order an Incarnation to guard by holding down their corresponding face button. This uses up Iddhi (your super meter, essentially), which is built whenever you attack or successfully block. By taking risks and only blocking at the last second before an enemy attacks, you can minimize Iddhi consumption, and use it to perform special moves. In a lot of ways, the combat is the most interesting part of the game, and trying to describe it with words is only doing it a disservice. I really recommend you try playing it for yourself.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>In addition to being an RPG, Indivisible is also a platformer, drawing inspiration from Super Metroid, according to creator MikeZ. I know the platformer-RPG pairing isn’t a common one these days, or really any days that I know of, but the platforming is damn smooth, especially for an unfinished prototype. Though I don’t particularly care for the word “Game-feel”, (It has a terrible “mouth-feel”) I can’t think of a better one to describe what I’m trying to get across. I don’t think I’ve played a platformer with a “game-feel” this satisfying (OK using that word was a mistake) since Super Meat Boy. It even pulls off SMB’s sadistic challenge, if you elect to find and defeat the prototype’s secret boss. It might seem like any platforming challenge would be trivial after you get the axe, which allows you to scale vertical walls with ease, but only until you learn what it truly means for a wall to be more than vertical.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Like any RPG, Indivisible is going to have story, characters, ect. Since it’s just a prototype, the current version of the game offers little insight into these matters. But, as someone who’s played Skullgirls, I can 100% vouch for Lab Zero Games on this. Skullgirls’ story isn’t just good “for a fighting game”. It’s good for any game, period. Each character’s story mode works as its own standalone narrative, while also contributing a unique perspective to the central plot of Marie’s rise and fall as The Skullgirl. I don’t think I’ve ever changed my mind about anything as radically as my opinion on the ending (Double’s story). And that’s pretty impressive, since everything I do, I do radically. I don’t want to spoil it, but if you do play it, be sure to keep an eye ever on The Shadows. Actually, this advice works pretty well for real life, too.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-12yG4S5JvxU/Vj-ozVPqQZI/AAAAAAAAAls/wxS1ks9D0k8/s1600/shadow%2Bthe%2Bhedgehog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-12yG4S5JvxU/Vj-ozVPqQZI/AAAAAAAAAls/wxS1ks9D0k8/s1600/shadow%2Bthe%2Bhedgehog.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spooky</td></tr>
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Skullgirls has some of my favorite worldbuilding in all of video games; it knows that sometimes less is more, and each detail is intriguing enough to compel you to want to learn more. Indivisible could be Lab Zero Games’ chance to show that, sometimes, more is more (actually, all the time, according to how words work). Basically, imagine a world that’s as interesting as Skullgirls’, but you’re actually <i>in</i> it. It’s happening, all around you, and you can explore it. Plus, it has more esoteric mythology than any game this side of the Shin Megami Tensei series, so if you’re a nerd who likes <a href="http://thereapershandbook.blogspot.com/">modern fiction based on mythology</a>, then it should be right up your alley.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>OK, this paragraph is probably going to make some people (white males) roll their eyes. You know, the ones who just rolled their eyes at me singling them out. The ones who will construe what I’m about to say as pushing “The SJW agenda” and accuse me of somehow sleeping with Zoë Quinn (I think this blog itself is evidence enough against any claims of anyone sleeping with me). Indivisible is a game that promotes diversity, and in my opinion, that’s good. I think it’s kind of sad how notable it is when a video game stars any human other than a white male, particularly a woman of color. Like, I am a person who plays a lot of video games, but I’ve played very few as a woman of color. The only ones I can think of are To The Moon, The Walking Dead (Season 2), and Splatoon (while the ability to customize your character to be any race or gender is nice, this hardly counts). I almost feel bad for liking Indivisible that much more just because its protagonist looks like this:<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-waAz6Hrzs4w/Vj-m3d1t_sI/AAAAAAAAAlA/JDtUVqnqwAQ/s1600/ajna.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-waAz6Hrzs4w/Vj-m3d1t_sI/AAAAAAAAAlA/JDtUVqnqwAQ/s320/ajna.png" width="302" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>But one character isn’t enough to promote diversity. That’s not what the word means. But Ajna isn’t the only character in the game. (At least, as far as we know. This may change depending on how my predictions regarding the title “Indivisible” pan out.) There are set to be more than 25 Incarnations in the game, representing all kinds of different cultures and mythologies. Basically, imagine if Street Fighter weren’t overtly racist. Here are some of my favorites that have been shown so far.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DzVUwJR0-lw/Vj-n1Y4x12I/AAAAAAAAAlM/O5UXU8ipKpI/s1600/Narssus%2BIndivisible.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DzVUwJR0-lw/Vj-n1Y4x12I/AAAAAAAAAlM/O5UXU8ipKpI/s320/Narssus%2BIndivisible.png" width="246" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OOGz8JdujUI/Vj-nqLx3jII/AAAAAAAAAlE/DcYnFs4YfC4/s1600/Yan%2BIndivisible.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OOGz8JdujUI/Vj-nqLx3jII/AAAAAAAAAlE/DcYnFs4YfC4/s320/Yan%2BIndivisible.jpg" width="121" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gQ-Zid3f2dA/Vj-n9HdlBvI/AAAAAAAAAlU/tnF6u0pilbM/s1600/Vasco%2BInvidisible.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gQ-Zid3f2dA/Vj-n9HdlBvI/AAAAAAAAAlU/tnF6u0pilbM/s320/Vasco%2BInvidisible.png" width="207" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-i3ilKXoGhmg/Vj-oB2-OFqI/AAAAAAAAAlc/V4ssJDkNMpE/s1600/Phoebe%2BIndivisible.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-i3ilKXoGhmg/Vj-oB2-OFqI/AAAAAAAAAlc/V4ssJDkNMpE/s320/Phoebe%2BIndivisible.png" width="282" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GrTuV_JqrFQ/Vj-oGi8qWuI/AAAAAAAAAlk/p6wKC2CSCao/s1600/Juan%2BIndivisible.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GrTuV_JqrFQ/Vj-oGi8qWuI/AAAAAAAAAlk/p6wKC2CSCao/s320/Juan%2BIndivisible.png" width="287" /></a></div>
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If that last one looks familiar, it’s probably because he’s Juan, the main character of Guacamelee!, a somewhat similar but also completely different platformer Metroidvania game with fighting-game elements and interesting, uncommon mythology that I really love and you should totally check out also. And he’s not the only guest character. Shovel Knight (from Shovel Knight) and Annie (The best Skullgirls character who isn’t a character in Skullgirls) are also confirmed, as well as other characters from games I haven’t heard of.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I’m really sorry if this reads like some kind of sales pitch, like I’m desperately trying to part you from your money. I didn’t want it to sound like that at all. But I did make it sound like that, because that’s exactly how it is. In truth, I have not even a modicum of chill; it was all a facade. If the campaign had already secured its funding, it’d be a different story, but it hasn’t, so it’s this story, and it may not have a happy ending. In fact, going by the numbers, success may seem outside the realm of possibility. (as I’m typing this, about half of the goal has been fulfilled, and less than a quarter of the time remains) But that’s why it’s more important than ever to not give up. One might ask “What’s the point of donating if it’s not going to get funded anyway?” But you can just as easily turn the question around: “What’s the point of not donating?” If the campaign succeeds, then you just got a cool game that you helped to make. If the campaign fails, you’re basically just giving a gift of cold hard cash to your future self. (Despite being on Indiegogo, this is a fixed funding campaign, so you get the money back if the goal isn’t reached) It’s a win-win. And the financial situation may not be as hopeless as it appears. While it may be unrealistic to expect that half the goal will be raised in the next week, there is another hope. The deadline can be extended by up to 20 days. However, this can only happen if a certain percentage of this goal is reached, so it’s still important that people contribute as soon as possible.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>At the end of the day, all I can really do is ask you to click this <a href="https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/indivisible-rpg-from-the-creators-of-skullgirls/x/12385262#/story">this link</a>. If you have the time to read my blog, I think you can probably spare a few minutes to check it out, unless you’re here on business for your job at The Lab That Studies Dumb Idiot Nerds. If you like what you see, that’s great. If you like what you see enough to pay money to make it happen, that’s even better. If you like what you see enough to spend an actually unwise amount of money on it, the kind of money that would make your parents say “wait what?” if they learned how much money you spent on it, then, well, you’re probably me. But if it doesn’t interest you, that’s cool, too. I’m not entitled to a say in how you spend your money. Hell, I’m not entitled to a say in how you spend your time, either. But I’d really like it if you went back and clicked the link at the beginning of this paragraph right after you read the last word in this paragraph, which is "be", surprising as that may be.<br />
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Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-34673392732874031342015-09-20T09:44:00.001-07:002015-09-26T18:57:51.915-07:00You're a kid now, ect.I am writing this new blog post, something I suspected I might never do again, because I have it on good word that I am a veritable wealth of new and Fresh opinions on Nintendo’s new game, Splatoon.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gm2hE71om1A/Vf7fABjOxCI/AAAAAAAAAjw/QvZ3UT9F684/s1600/pikmin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gm2hE71om1A/Vf7fABjOxCI/AAAAAAAAAjw/QvZ3UT9F684/s320/pikmin.jpg" width="230" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not to be confused with Nintendo's other hot new property</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>What is Splatoon? Well, you’ve heard the memes, I’m sure. You’re a kid, you’re a squid, you're a kid, you're a squid, you're a kid, you're a squid, and your hips are more truthful than Shakira after overdosing on Veritaserum. I don't know what's less realistic: The fact that none of the sea creatures can swim, or the fact that creatures with allegedly no bones can break it down as hard as Callie and Marie.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4dokkAG_gLg/VgdLtvqLJeI/AAAAAAAAAkM/knU5CR9o50A/s1600/Callie%2526Marie.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="293" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4dokkAG_gLg/VgdLtvqLJeI/AAAAAAAAAkM/knU5CR9o50A/s320/Callie%2526Marie.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Staring at this image for long enough has revealed to me Great and Terrible Truths.</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Splatoon is a 3rd person shooter on the Wii U, made by Nintendo, as well as an S+ rank pun in its own right. If I had to describe it in one word, it would be the very one that the game itself overuses: Fresh. If cleanliness is next to Godliness, then to the denizens of Inkopolis, Freshness is above it. And what is it about Splatoon that makes it so fresh? Well, I could copy/paste my joke from earlier about how it’s Nintendo’s first new IP since Pikmin, which they’ve already driven into the ground. But what makes it even more exceptional is how supremely not Nintendo it is. Just one year ago, Nintendo was infamous for being incapable of providing a competent platform for online play. Hell, they probably still are. Remember how terrible trying to play Brawl online was? Neither do I, because I couldn’t even get it set up. Yet there are few console games out there as reliant on online play as Splatoon. Certainly none that I’ve played. Other than a short “campaign” that takes maybe 4 or 5 hours, and a 1v1 local multiplayer mode that requires you to arrange 5 Wii remotes into a pentagram to summon a real controller, everything is online play. But the online works. At least, it works when it works. When it doesn’t work, you’re a catastrophic disappointment to your team and yourself, but that doesn’t happen too often. Unless it does. But that’s probably because you have a shoddy internet connection, and your dad is good at computers, so any attempt to fiddle with the router is about as good an idea as trying to change the thermostat at a deck-building convention. But for real, the online is pretty fluid (lol) if you don’t have connection issues.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>If you’re wondering why I said “lol” after fluid, don’t worry, it’s not because I’ve finally cracked and lost my grip on the concept of humor. Er, well, I mean, it’s also because of the mechanics of Splatoon. It is a shooter where the goal is not to kill your enemies. Your goal is to cover the most ground with ink of your color, using a wide assortment of weapons to do so. Killing enemies can help you accomplish this goal, as it sends them back to their respawn point, allowing you to capture their territory, but it is not necessary. However, ink is more than just how you win the game; it’s also how you play the game. Firing your weapons takes up ink, which is restored much more quickly while swimming in your own ink. Swimming in ink also allows you to move far more quickly and stealthily than walking. And even though it gives you almost no points, you can ink vertical walls and climb up them, allowing you to take strategic positions and get the drop on unsuspecting foes. In other shooters, most of the time isn’t spent shooting. If you’re good, then it’s probably spent taking key positions and doing, I don’t know, strategy or something. But if you’re me, it’s spent wandering around waiting to shoot or be shot. In Splatoon, there is no downtime. If you want to win, you have to make sure that each of the 180 seconds in a match is well-spent. Should you stay behind and make sure your base is thoroughly covered while your team charges ahead? Should you charge at an enemy who is entrenched in their territory, or sneak off to claim the ground they’ve left unguarded? Should you actually try to be good at the game, or just use a bucket to kill people without even deigning to see them first? (FULL DISCLOSURE: That wasn’t a jab at other people who do that, that is 100% my most effective strategy) You are making these decisions all throughout the game, and each one can mean victory or defeat for your team. Unless your team is made up of 3-4 bumbling chodes about whom you will say devastatingly clever things like “Inklings? More like <i>stink</i>lings!” The upshot to having a terrible team is that matches are short; you never have to put up with the same bunch of losers for more than 3 minutes, unless you’re like me, and there’s always that one loser on your team whom you’ll have to put up with for 80 years, if you’re lucky.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FKsFfB1d_RI/Vf7Vz0_JbCI/AAAAAAAAAi4/5fjj0YkVqhg/s1600/inkling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FKsFfB1d_RI/Vf7Vz0_JbCI/AAAAAAAAAi4/5fjj0YkVqhg/s400/inkling.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm a female inkling because they have a BETTER DESIGN, alright?</td></tr>
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One of the great things about Splatoon is that there are so many ways to be good that there’s a good chance that you can manage one of them. Hate getting up close and personal? Rain death from afar with a Splatling gun. Can’t aim? Just use an ink roller and cover everything. Like killing people before they even know what’s happening? Haha, me too, man, but we’re talking about the game right now. Go with a .50 cal- er, I mean, .52 gal or .96 gal. Just bad at video games in general? Play during the day, when you’ll be against Americans.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Another thing I found notable about Splatoon was how it almost felt like an indie title, in a way that’s mostly good. There isn’t a lot of stuff, (The game shipped with just 5 stages, though there are now somewhere around 10, with more being added) but the stuff that is there is fun. The game has a quirky style that I’m going to compare to Skullgirls because you can’t stop me from doing that. I’m also going to compare it to Dangan Ronpa, and not just because neither game has very realistic-looking blood. Both games have a concept that’s very original and fresh, (it seriously took me like a week to start using that word unironically) yet seems so obvious when you hear it. For those of you who don’t know, Dangan Ronpa is a game where between 15 and 16 (inclusive… or is it?) high schoolers are trapped in a school, and the only way they can get out is by committing a murder and not getting caught. If you’re caught, you die; if you’re not, everyone else dies, and you go free. It’s what a physicist might call “elegant”, or what a philosopher might call “kinda fucked up”. Splatoon is a lot like that. Kinda fucked up. I mean, the inklings don’t even have bones. How do they carry those ink tanks (cartridges?) around? And the Squid Sisters? They’re not even sisters. They’re cousins. They could have called themselves the Kid Cousins, but they didn’t. They chose to lie to us.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Speaking of lies, I lied to you about the topic of this post. From here on out, it’s all about Etrian Odyssey, which you may recognize as the origin of this screenshot of a girl saying “lady boner” which has featured in an astounding 100% of the blog posts I have written this year.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mc62hbcZB_8/Vf7WlgACDEI/AAAAAAAAAjA/ur0lerRRWYA/s1600/lady%2Bboner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="181" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mc62hbcZB_8/Vf7WlgACDEI/AAAAAAAAAjA/ur0lerRRWYA/s320/lady%2Bboner.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I see trees of green. Lady boners, too. I see them bloom. For me and for you. And I think to myself...</td></tr>
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Fortunately, (or unfortunately, depending on your proclivities) Etrian Odyssey takes the term “lady boner” more figuratively than some JRPGs. But that’s not what I came here to talk about, so I am hereby banning myself from using the word “boner” for the remainder of this post. Alright.<br />
<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>In particular, I’ve recently been playing Etrian Odyssey II Untold, a remake of Etrian Odyssey II, but with actual story and characters this time. Unless you prefer to play in Old Testament mode, where it’s business as usual; you’re free to pick your party however you like, and the only canon is headcanon. So, essentially, it’s a choice between having a party consisting of 5 little girls, and having a party with only 1 little girl, but she has a personality and a voice and <a href="http://thereapershandbook.blogspot.com/2015/08/personnel-files-moirai.html">weaves the thread of life</a>.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PElxgitm9Og/Vf7WyaH2yaI/AAAAAAAAAjI/hadE4cYT4-4/s1600/Chloe%2Bcool.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PElxgitm9Og/Vf7WyaH2yaI/AAAAAAAAAjI/hadE4cYT4-4/s320/Chloe%2Bcool.jpg" width="142" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chloe in one word</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>If I had to describe Etrian Odyssey II Untold in one sentence, it would be “Etrian Odyssey II Untold is a game in which you can get headbutted by a hedgehog.” Given two sentences, I would go on to say “You then have the option to compliment said hedgehog on his headbutting skills”. My third sentence would probably just be “The defense rests”, because I really don’t know what more you want from me.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I don’t think any game has understood me on a personal level as much as EO2U since Shin Megami Tensei Devil Survivor 2: Record Breaker (I realize now that I should probably just abbreviate that title, but I don’t want the effort that went into typing all that out to go to waste) featured a boss fight against a Billiken who tried to take all my money. (The joke is that I go to a university whose mascot is the Billiken. But student debt is no joke, kids) One example of this is when one of the characters said that eating is kind of bullshit. And you know what? I agree. Eating is kind of bullshit. Like, I’m a busy guy. I’ve got stuff to do. Theorems to prove. Shit to write. Other, stinkier shit to write. I don’t always have time to rend the remains of formerly living beings with the sharpest part of my skeleton, driven by the strongest voluntary muscles in my body, and… you know what? Screw what I said earlier. Eating is fuckin’ hype.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Alright, dim the lights, it’s time for a Real Talk about what makes Etrian Odyssey a good RPG. To do that, we must ask the question: What defines an RPG? Role playing, you say? Haha, OK <i>guy who plays games from countries other than Japan</i>. We’re talking about RPGs here, not Role-Playing Games. Get it together. In my opinion, RPGs are primarily characterized by growth. You start with a character or party who is weak, and as the game progresses, you level up and become stronger. This comes with a sense of achievement, as fictional accomplishments are the only thing you are capable of achieving anymore. No RPG that I’ve played has handled this more effectively than Etrian Odyssey. This is primarily thanks to FOEs (pronounced “Eff-Oh-EE”, which stands for “This is an Atlus game, we don’t explain our acronyms”). An FOE is a powerful monster that can be seen on the map, unlike standard random encounters. An FOE is more than just a boss; when you first encounter a new species, you will almost certainly be hopelessly outmatched by it. Fighting it simply is not an option. FOEs usually will move in predictable patterns which you must use to avoid them. Oftentimes you must use the environment to avoid them or incapacitate them without fighting them. Before you’re strong enough to take them head on, dealing with an FOE is often much like a puzzle, and they’re often well-crafted ones. But they can still be a bit of a headache, which makes it all the more satisfying when you are strong enough to take them head on. With enough cunning and patience, you see the enemy that once terrorized you fall, often giving material that can be used to craft cool weapons or armor. Become stronger still, and the once-dreadful FOE is little more than a nuisance, just another monster that takes a bit longer to kill than the others. This gives you a very concrete way of measuring how much stronger you are now than you once were. The ultimate example of this is the dragons of Etrian Odyssey IV. For much of the game, they are less monsters than they are Acts of God. The idea of trying to fight them is as ridiculous as trying to duel a hurricane. If they so much as touch your airship while you’re exploring the overworld, you’ll find yourself exploring The Underworld in no time. This makes it all the more satisfying when you finally get the chance to fight them. Memories of all the dozens of times you’ve carelessly strayed into their path and been reduced to rubble come rushing back. From Hell’s heart, you stab at them, but it’ll take so much more than that to emerge victorious. It’ll take cool weapons, and an even cooler head to prevail.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SLinEXvcwKU/Vf7YqqqYjXI/AAAAAAAAAjY/DJ35KO2tiWA/s1600/cooler%2Bheads.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SLinEXvcwKU/Vf7YqqqYjXI/AAAAAAAAAjY/DJ35KO2tiWA/s400/cooler%2Bheads.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Back to Splatoon for a bit: The hat shop is called "Cooler Heads" This is The Greatest Thing.</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>OK, turn the lights back up, because, while this is still Real Talk, I’m making this one a lightning round. Maps: They’re cool. When you’re drawing a map, that’s how you know you’re having an adventure. There’s a reason that no Zelda game to date has given me a stronger feel of exploration than Wind Waker, and that’s because you drew a map. There’s a reason that no game to date given me a stronger feel of exploration than Etrian Odyssey IV, and that’s because you drew hella maps. That game has more maps than C(<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18.2px;">ℝ</span>). (That’s a math joke. The punchline of the joke is me, the Worst Nerd.) When you draw a map, you’re not just wandering through a labyrinth; you’re conquering it. You are turning the vast, untamed wilderness into your home. You are making Nature into your Bitch. And, in the end, isn’t that the human success story? Homo sapiens looked at nature, with all its bullshit trees or whatever, and said “No. This will not do”. And then you know what he did? He made video games. For more information on the subject, please read my forthcoming essay: “Yggdrasil is Nature: Etrian Odyssey as a Metaphor for the Military-Industrial Complex”.<br />
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Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-54440158872591948142015-05-14T14:26:00.000-07:002015-05-14T14:26:00.452-07:00The Most Punderful Time of the Year: MusicNow, it's time for the same list as last time (remember last time? An entire semester ago? Remember when I measured time in increments other than semesters?), except instead of describing the gameplay, story, or other merits of my favorite games, I will be focusing exclusively on the music, about which I can say little more substantial than "IT'S REALLY GOOD YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO IT BY CLICKING THIS LINK". But damn if that'll stop me from trying.<br />
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<b>Persona</b><br />
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Persona 3: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kttXi5v6UOQ">FES Opening</a><br />
Persona 4: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bw06pAgwXRk">Like A Dream Come True</a> (Reincarnation remix)<br />
Persona Q: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=454IG6mfiK8">Light the Fire Up in the Night (P3 Version)</a><br />
Persona 4: Dancing All Night: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3jw89oIjmQ">Dance!</a><br />
Every Persona Game: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-gM7RNd_rM">Poem for Everyone's Souls</a><br />
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If there's one thing you should know about Persona, it's that it's a game about shooting yourself in the head to summon demons while rap music plays in the background. Seriously. (Well, one of the games, anyway) But if there are two things you should know, the second one is that the menus in the Persona 5 trailer are <i>unreal. </i>If you had told me 10 years ago that menu technology would have advanced so far in such a short time, I would have told you to tell me more interesting things about the future, honestly. But if there are three things you should know, the third one is that Persona has some seriously cool music. If you're in the market for J-Pop with lyrics that you can almost understand, then Persona is like an all-you-can-eat buffet, provided that you can only eat 40 or so songs. Of course, that's just a completely fabricated estimate of the number of vocal tracks. There's plenty more instrumental music, which is, in some cases, just as tasty. Add in the -Reincarnation- albums “Burn My Dread” and “Nevermore”, and you have a bunch of music of a quality that might be described as “unfair”. Seriously, just listen to that rendition of “Like a Dream Come True” and tell me that you don't feel a twinge of pity for all other music for having to try to measure up to that.<br />
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<b>Child of Light/Cœur de pirate</b><br />
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Child of Light: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6IPtRIDzoA">Aurora's theme</a><br />
Cœur de Pirate: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GHHhio7f2c">Golden Baby</a><br />
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The main draw (absolutely nothing to "get" here [see: the previous post –ED]) of Child of Light is the verse. Virtually all text in the game rhymes. It's the reason I got the game in the first place, but it's not the reason you should get it. It all rhymes, for the most part, but it's more written in yard than it is written in meter, if you're catching my drift. And while the quality of the poetry isn't the best, the sheer quantity of it is impressive, and just about everything else about the game is fantastic; the combat is fun and interesting, the art is beautiful, the story is alright, and, most relevant to this post, the soundtrack is great.<br />
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FULL DISCLOSURE: My first thought upon listening to the full soundtrack on Spotify was "man, I'm glad I didn't pay money for this". But, in my defense, I'm a college student with enough things to spend money on, and I'm quite content with listening to good music for free with minimal inconvenience.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://d0.awsstatic.com/logos/customers/spotify-logo-primary-horizontal-light-background-rgb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://d0.awsstatic.com/logos/customers/spotify-logo-primary-horizontal-light-background-rgb.jpg" height="124" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Spotify: Music for Poor People!<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 18.2000007629395px; text-align: left;">®</span></td></tr>
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But another thing I can thank Child of Light's soundtrack for is introducing me to the composer, French-Canadian musician Cœur de Pirate, literally "Pirate Heart", which I would call dibs on for a band name if it weren't, you know, already in use. In addition to composing, she sings in both French and Canadian, and is very good at both. Also, one of her albums has #skeletons on it.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://f1.bcbits.com/img/a3799110102_10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://f1.bcbits.com/img/a3799110102_10.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My #Twitter #Brand</td></tr>
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<b>The Giddy Limit/Professor Elemental</b><br />
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The Giddy Limit: <a href="http://professorelemental.bandcamp.com/track/dont-feed-the-trolls-feat-nick-maxwell">Please Don't Feed The Trolls</a><br />
Professor Elemental: <a href="http://professorelemental.bandcamp.com/track/the-quest-for-the-golden-frog">The Quest for the Golden Frog</a><br />
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I off-handedly mentioned Professor Elemental a while back, when I said that I may have to preach about him someday. Well, his newest album, "The Giddy Limit" dropped last year, so the day has finally come. Professor Elemental is a steampunk rapper of sorts, a prominent artist in the genre known as chap-hop. Chap-hop is, more or less, an imagining of what rap would be like if it were invented in Victorian England. Rather than rapping about drug use, gang violence, or how to use the power of dance to save your local community center (I, uh, don't really listen to a lot of rap), Professor Elemental spits rhymes about incredible contraptions, fantastic adventures, and silly hats. And while his songs are mostly silly and humorous, they are by no means just a joke. As a poet myself, I am fully qualified to assert that his flow is in fact most "fresh" and, uh, "dope". So if you're a doughy white boy looking for rap that won't upset your parents, (or, more likely, upset your parents for a whole different reason) or you're just a fan of poetry and music at the same time, I highly recommend that you check him out.<br />
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“The Giddy Limit”, despite sounding like the title of a calculus course taught by me, is an album that I paid actual money for, putting it on par with the Frozen soundtrack, Bastion Soundtrack, and like two other songs I've ever paid for (see: the previous entry. Er, the Spotify part, not the “Pirate” part). Actually, I retract the “despite” from that last sentence; that's probably exactly why I paid money for it. The reason for the unusual title is... quirky and British, probably? I honestly have no idea.<br />
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<b>Bravely Default</b><br />
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Final Boss song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLBTIUzPpEQ">Serpent Eating the Horizon</a><br />
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Remember Attack on Titan? Even if you don't, you probably watched it; a lot of people did. Called “Japan's answer to The Walking Dead” by people who enjoy angering fans of Attack on Titan and fans of The Walking Dead, Attack on Titan is an over-rated anime. But that's not to say that it was completely without merit. One of my favorite parts of it would have to be the opening, one of the hypest songs I've ever heard. I'd have no problem throwing myself at a 50 meter behemoth with no hope of survival if that song were in the background pumping me up. Now I want you to imagine an entire soundtrack composed of songs that are as hype as the Attack on Titan opening. If you're having trouble dreaming up such a wild fantasy, then, well, I can hardly blame you. But such a thing truly does exist in this, the realm of Man, and it is the Bravely Default soundtrack. It's composed by the same guy, Revo, and much of it has the exact same flavor. There is variety in the music, so it's not all comin' at ya hot and heavy, but when it is, it's comin' at ya the hottest and the heaviest. This all culminates with the final boss theme, which is over-the-top excellent enough to keep one of the longest boss fights I've ever fought from feeling like it was being dragged out.<br />
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Yet all good things must come to an end, which is why Bravely Second, the just-as-stupidly-titled sequel, has a score composed by someone else. And while Ryo has some tasty tracks to his name, most notably some of the most <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuJ6UR_pD5s">celebrated</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rFBkHb8CL8">Miku</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLzOrik5YJ8">songs</a> of all time, it seems unlikely that he'll be able to measure up to Bravely Default, because, honestly, I don't even know if Revo could top his own work. Bravely Default is probably my second favorite video game soundtrack of all time, and likely my favorite video game soundtrack that doesn't cheat (Sorry, Smash Bros.)<br />
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<b>Transistor</b><br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9O2Rjn1azc">We All Become</a><br />
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Transistor had good music. Was it as good as Bastion's? In my opinion, no. Was it good enough to get on a list of my favorite music of the year? Evidently, yes. It particular, I think that the instrumental tracks in Transistor aren't as memorable as Bastion's. At least, I don't think they were. I don't really remember. The vocal tracks, on the other hand, are so good that you'll (incorrectly) swear they weren't recorded in some dude's closet. It really is a testament to the talent of Supergiant Games that they can make better music with two people and a closet than some musicians can make with a million dollar studio and a name that kind of almost rhymes with “fever”. And, speaking of the people behind the soundtrack of Transistor, I'd like to talk for a bit about Darren Korb, the composer of Bastion and Transistor's soundtracks.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/3655203722/b87519d869d5c8388772dfd2875a221d.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/3655203722/b87519d869d5c8388772dfd2875a221d.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The thing between the muttonchops and behind the horn-rimmed glasses.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Now, that image says all you really need to know. Darren Korb looks like the stern yet ultimately kind-hearted police chief to whom <a href="http://metro.co.uk/2015/05/13/hipstercop-now-has-a-tumblr-5194591/">#HipsterCop</a> reports. He described the genre of Transistor's music as “Electronic old world post-rock”. Now, that's not a direct quotation, (I left my paraphrase marks in my other pants) but it was definitely something along those lines. [NOTE: I managed to find the <a href="http://blog.us.playstation.com/2014/05/23/behind-the-music-and-sounds-of-transistor/">source</a>, and I actually got it exactly right, except the order of the words -ED]. He's in a band called Control Group that's inexplicably underground, despite containing the composer of perhaps the most beloved indie soundtrack of all time. I gave their <a href="http://controlgroup.bandcamp.com/album/shoes-of-the-people-single">stuff</a> a listen, and I can't really think of any way to describe their sound other than “indie”. Except, perhaps, by saying that it is much more believable that it was recorded in some dude's closet, but in a way that I can't help but dig. Because, in the end, despite looking like the poster child of the most hated group on the internet since furries, Darren Korb is pretty damn cool, which just goes to show that you can't judge an album by its cover art.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://rainiernew.wpengine.com/yurts/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2014/01/The_more_you_know_banner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://rainiernew.wpengine.com/yurts/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2014/01/The_more_you_know_banner.jpg" height="80" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This message brought to you by...</td></tr>
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<b>Super Smash Bros. For Wii U</b><br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEg86qr9Y14">Main Theme</a><br />
Best New Remix: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGueIzEqMUM">Cynthia's Theme</a><br />
Runner Up: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Pn0yEke6Ig">Dedede's Theme</a><br />
Cool song that's only in the Japanese version because Japan can eat it: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8Wso4pA8sI">Ashley's Theme Ver. 2</a><br />
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There's really not much more to say about the Super Smash Bros. Soundtrack. If you know the words, you can join in too.<br />
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<b>Etrian Odyssey IV</b><br />
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Battle Theme: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCZjnuS6ESc">Battlefield - Storm</a><br />
FOE theme: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRe_CBZaVsE">The Fall of the Final Enemy</a><br />
Town Theme: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPxokkQlcFc">Day</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAbDWhkGhK0">Night</a><br />
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The Etrian Odyssey soundtrack is really good. Listen to that song, and keep in mind that that's the ordinary battle theme for random encounters. Now, battle music is supposed to be hype, so it's not too unusual, but towards the end, you get the sense that the composer forgot that this was for common mooks, and pulled out all the stops. And, to be fair, if a battle goes on for that long, you deserve some triumphant fanfare to get you through the day. The fact of the matter is that for the first few hours I played this game, I grinned like an idiot every time I listened to this song. And I still do. I love it.<br />
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But not every song in the game is as ridiculously hype as the battle music. For the first few dungeons, the intense battle music provides excellent contrast to the dungeon music, a serene piece that calls to mind a peaceful forest. There’s no way anything could go wrong in such a mellow melody accompanying you. And then it happens. You make one wrong move, and WHAM! You’re in a suburb of the greater FOE area, Population: 5, and rapidly declining. And the music lets you know just how badly you’re screwed, right off the bat. Of course, the tables turn once you’re hardened adventurers who have been to the foot of Yggdrasil and back; the panic in the song belongs to the beasts you hunt, as you remorselessly dismantle them as vengeance for the trouble they gave you at the start.<br />
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<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Now, I could go on about how fun the town theme is, or how smooth it is at night, but all you really need to know about the Etrian Odyssey IV Soundtrack is this:<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-39Hy8npdEeI/VVTraHdNAUI/AAAAAAAAAg0/40cQD8nPU0c/s1600/lady%2Bboner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="181" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-39Hy8npdEeI/VVTraHdNAUI/AAAAAAAAAg0/40cQD8nPU0c/s320/lady%2Bboner.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The ESRB has deemed this content generally suitable for children ages 13 and up.</td></tr>
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<b>Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA f (& F 2nd)</b><br />
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Hatsune Miku: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkjTq_nHB90">Secret Police</a><br />
Rin and Len Kagamine: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJjf2vokAyE">HachiHachi Flower Fight</a><br />
Meiko: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAAG3OOqIaw">Nostalogic</a><br />
Kaito: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B54jN0PaUfQ">Ashes to Ashes</a><br />
Megurine Luka: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgIQX_9zTVo">Glasses</a><br />
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I mentioned Miku in my last Top Music list, but I'mma level with you: When I wrote that, I probably knew less than a dozen Miku songs. I really liked the songs I knew, and I could get behind the concept, but I was never really motivated to look for more. But that changed when I bought a Playstation Vita just to play Persona 4 Golden, and needed to buy more games to justify the purchase. Enter Project DIVA, a rhythm game starring everyone's favorite electronic singer.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LmGfRi1Dcxw/VVTpDkl-sVI/AAAAAAAAAgc/VeA1nqx0zjg/s1600/skrillix.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="194" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LmGfRi1Dcxw/VVTpDkl-sVI/AAAAAAAAAgc/VeA1nqx0zjg/s320/skrillix.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Close</td></tr>
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Project DIVA's gameplay is simple enough. Playstation buttons fly all around the screen, and you have to press the corresponding button when it reaches the target. This is done to the rhythm of the song that is playing. It's kind of like Guitar Hero, (Does anyone remember that? I do) but with buttons coming from all over the place, instead of down a single track, and with animations in the background. It also does away with the clunky peripheral, so there's nothing between you and the rhythm, save Miku's... <i>gyrating</i>.<br />
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The game has 32 songs, and while most are sung by Miku, a few of the other vocaloids get in on the action. And while I used to scoff at the notion of other vocaloids, I must say, I've taken quite a shine to them. Each of the 6 has their own distinct voice, allowing some variety in the musical style. The music is also kept fresh by the breadth of composing talent. There are almost as many different composers as there are songs, with no composer having more than 2 songs to their name. This even applies to the all-stars, like Ryo (Who eventually quit the Vocaloid biz and ended up scoring a certain RPG series [This is called "aftshadowing"])<br />
<br />
Since this is a music list, I suppose I should talk about the actual music. It's great and I love it. I concede that it's not for everyone. But if you're the type who enjoys fast, fun J-pop, well, here's a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnRT_Km4y9Dr7cOPQ7vzISZGZ6xInhYN7">playlist</a> with all the music. You may notice that that playlist has a lot more than 32 songs; this is because it also has music from Project DIVA F 2nd, the sequel with more songs, more sparkle, and more Satan.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sUayRnAlKi0/VVTpMQ3WXUI/AAAAAAAAAgk/aMP80mVGosU/s1600/Cool%2B666.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="181" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sUayRnAlKi0/VVTpMQ3WXUI/AAAAAAAAAgk/aMP80mVGosU/s320/Cool%2B666.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There's actually another significant number. Blink, and you'll miss it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
And you know what? Since it has more, perhaps even better, songs, I think I’ll list some more of them here. IDGAF<br />
<br />
Miku: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikMuMhBZUMQ">SPiCa -39's Giving Day Edition-</a><br />
Miku & Luka: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cIYuQIu5jo">Akatsuki Arrival</a><br />
Luka: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScSW9C3DF18">Luka Luka ★Night Fever</a><br />
Rin: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sEpeiXA66M">Roshin Yuukai</a><br />
Len: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lM8Cn7k6cU">Paradichlorobenzene</a><br />
Meiko: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igMa6CIu68A">Break it, Break it</a><br />
Kaito: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQu3flrX8As">Cantarella -Grace Edition-</a><br />
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Now, it may seem unnecessarily cruel of me to keep heaping all these vocaloids on you after you thought you were done, but this is actually a kindness. I’m only mentioning F 2nd here so that I won’t have an excuse to make in an entry on my 2015 music list (Coming soon in the year 2018). Now, Project Mirai on the other hand…<br />
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<br />Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-45763469101211915712015-01-05T10:59:00.000-08:002015-01-05T12:15:49.215-08:00The Most Punderful Time of the Year: Video Games<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Well, it's that time of year again.
Time for me to talk about all the things I like (as if that isn't all
year). Luckily for you, my school schedule has been ensuring that
such things are in rather short supply. But I did manage to play some
games through all the tears. You may have noticed, since that's all
I've really blogged about this year (for all the dozen times I've
blogged). As such, most of these games I've already discussed, so
I'll mostly just be re-writing things I've already
written. and since ranking things is hard, the order is by no means meant to reflect which games are my most favorite; rather, they have been ordered so that I can use the transition "speaking of..." as many times as possible.</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><u>8. Super Smash Bros.
For 3DS/Wii U</u></b></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/images/og/top_en.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.smashbros.com/images/og/top_en.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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As some of my
sharper readers (you'll get yours, Pinhead Larry) may have noticed,
my last post, which was about Super Smash Bros, was published on the
day Smash for 3DS came out. So it's not too much of a mystery why I
haven't made a post since then. I've been pretty busy. With, uh,
school. And stuff.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/ssb/images/3/32/Rosalina's_down_special.jpeg/revision/latest/scale-to-width/185?cb=20140127074751" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/ssb/images/3/32/Rosalina's_down_special.jpeg/revision/latest/scale-to-width/185?cb=20140127074751" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Physics</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The new Smash Bros
is cool. You didn't need me to say that, but I needed me to say. It's
remarkably balanced compared to Brawl. Even if all the characters
aren't competitively viable, they're almost all usable and fun to
play as. 8 player smash often goes about as terribly as you'd expect,
but it can be fun if played on the right stage. Also, I once caught five enemies in Ike's final smash, which is probably the coolest thing
I've ever done in my life.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jzePR1yltZE/VJiB5m1hbgI/AAAAAAAAAdA/Xx5Ug6yki4c/s1600/poetry%2Bis%2Bfor%2Bnerds.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jzePR1yltZE/VJiB5m1hbgI/AAAAAAAAAdA/Xx5Ug6yki4c/s1600/poetry%2Bis%2Bfor%2Bnerds.png" height="222" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">haha whatever poetry's for <a href="http://havocmantispoetry.blogspot.com/">nerds</a> anyway</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Speaking of new
modes that I was kind of wary of going in, Smash Tour (Mario Party
but in Smash) is pretty alright. The gameplay is somewhat more
skill-based than in everyone's favorite friendship ending simulator,
but that doesn't mean that it's any less easy to completely screw
over your friends. It just saves you a trip to change the disc in
your console when you inevitably have to Settle it in Smash. And
while I gotta say that I'm kinda disappointed in a lot of the new
stages and seeming lack of new music, (especially on the 3DS) there's
always old favorites. And the all the new music they do have is
really damn good. But that's a story for another post.
</div>
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<u><b>7. Persona 4 Arena
Ultimax</b></u></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/84/Persona_4_Arena_Ultimax.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/84/Persona_4_Arena_Ultimax.png" /></a></div>
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Speaking of fighting games starring beloved characters from some of
my favorite video games, (as well as some other characters [Yukari])
this is a game that also fits that description. Well, kind of. I've
honestly only finished one Persona game as of the writing of this
sentence, but it could be as many as three by the time this hits the
presses. <span style="color: red;">(Two, as of this revision)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I seem to remember mentioning this game in my last post, and, if
memory serves, I was more than a little salty about it. Not too long
after those complaints, I managed to beat Classic mode on the highest
difficulty with several characters. What can I say? I'm just that
good at video games. Still not good enough to remember all the
controls, but baby steps.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm really glad that I bought P4AU, and not just because it was
required to complete my Persona tarot deck, which I value somewhere
between my life and my scientific calculator. It's a fun game with a lot of
depth. It's not easy, but that just serves to make it more satisfying
when you get a clutch counter or pull off a sick combo. (something
that I'm sure I'll manage when I get back to playing it) And the
One-Hit KO moves, while seemingly overpowered and game-breaking, are
actually, in fact, totally overpowered and game-breaking when you're
too much of a scrub to avoid them. I'm probably also too much of a
scrub to hit with one, but you have to win a round to use them, and
that almost never happens when I'm fighting a real opponent. But at
least it's satisfying to kick a CPU into space 5 seconds into a
round, or brofist with your Persona so hard that you do 10x as much
damage as they have HP. Because as I Reach Out to the Truth, I firmly
grasp that it's just fun as hell to destroy those who are weaker than
you.</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><u>6. Persona 3 and 4</u></b></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/47/Persona3cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/47/Persona3cover.jpg" height="320" width="228" /></a></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Speaking of Persona, I played Persona 3, my first real Persona game,
this year. Persona 3 is arguably the first real Persona game at all,
at least by the modern standards that define a Persona game. Yes,
there were Personas 1 and 2, but those were... different. How
different? Well, I'll turn over to Space Hitler to answer that
question.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://media.tumblr.com/68947e1fb67845c71e3e9a263a849df5/tumblr_inline_n3zp5gm8611r3g60l.png" /></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The things you fought were called demons instead of shadows.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I spoke about Persona 3 <a href="http://www.havocmantis.blogspot.com/2014/09/summer-was-ending-when-i-started-this.html">before</a>, and most of the things that I said then are still true now. But don't worry; all those feelings of "damn, I'm going to shape up and be a better friend to the people I know" have subsided, and I'm still the same schmuck as I was before, because if there's one thing I learned from Frozen, it's that "people don't really change". If there's two things, then the other is that people who complain that "Let it Go" is over-rated really don't like being told to "Let it Go" for the 237th time. </div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Persona 3 is a good game in a lot of different ways which, on their own, might not be individually impressive, but come together excellently when taken as a whole. As just an RPG, P3 doesn't stand out on its own. The Answer (The post-game story in Persona 3 FES that doesn't have social links) makes that clear enough. Similarly, if it were just the social aspects, it's easy to imagine one getting lost in the maze of relationships and losing motivation. But with both parts, you can choose your pacing however you like, and the game stays fresh. Until the full moon comes up, because you better be ready or you'll learn real quick whether or not death is a hunter unbeknownst to its prey.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bzyo0603f-E/VKLZF087WdI/AAAAAAAAAd4/PpgjkNoOUvs/s1600/death%2Bis%2Bnot%2Ba%2Bhunter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bzyo0603f-E/VKLZF087WdI/AAAAAAAAAd4/PpgjkNoOUvs/s1600/death%2Bis%2Bnot%2Ba%2Bhunter.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">SPOILER ALERT</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Since I haven't finished Persona 4, it's getting lumped in with this entry. It's also getting lumped in with this entry because, despite what I said at the beginning, I actually have a <i>lot </i>of games to talk about, because that's what I did to escape my schoolwork.</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm really liking Persona 4 so far, despite my questionable decision to play Persona 4 Arena Ultimax beforehand (Big shoutout to Atlus for having one of the characters meet the murderer in arcade mode and say "Hey, isn't that the guy who did all those murders in Inaba? You know, the murderer whose murders were the main plot of our game and whose identity is the biggest mystery? That very murderer") Since I haven't finished it yet, I can't really compare it much to P3 in terms of overall story or social link quality, but it seems to me like, as an RPG, Persona 4 is a significant improvement upon Persona 3. Persona fusion is more streamlined, dungeons seem less tedious, and you can give direct orders to your units. Honestly, I have pretty much finished the game by now, but I haven't the space to devote to comparing the two games. If you <i>really</i> want my opinion on the matter, I guess you can see me after class.</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I also really like the symbolism of Persona 4. When people are forced to confront their Shadows, the shameful thoughts and feelings that they try to hide, even from themselves, they deny them. This only makes the Shadows stronger. Only by making peace with their faults and accepting themselves for who they are, flaws and all, do they grow as people and gain the power to kick fuckers into space(!) And in the end, that's what life is really all about. (the power to kick fuckers into space)</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><u>5. Persona Q</u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G37DTEPsY-U/VJc_Ma6fO6I/AAAAAAAAAcM/y8D5Dj8_1bA/s1600/Persona%2BQ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G37DTEPsY-U/VJc_Ma6fO6I/AAAAAAAAAcM/y8D5Dj8_1bA/s1600/Persona%2BQ.jpg" height="284" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Speaking of Personas 3 and 4, we have Persona Q, the most crossed over game I have ever played. It is a crossover between Persona 3 and Persona 4, as it features characters from both games embarking on a quest to give the fans what they want. And, despite the fact that it is mentioned no where on the package or in the game, it is also a crossover between the Persona and Etrian Odyssey series. And speaking of Etrian Odyssey not being mentioned, it seems that I have never once mentioned it here, yet I seem to have memories of passionately describing its cartography RPG mechanics to a disinterested blog audience. I guess if you want more context, skip ahead to the Etrian Odyssey IV entry and come back to this.</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Persona Q is an idea that first sounds like it should work on paper, then sounds like it really couldn't work after you think about it for a bit, but then ends up working pretty damn well in practice. They're both RPG's made by Atlus, so, you know, why not? But one of the notable quirks of EO is that your party isn't really made up of characters; just nameless randos with no dialogue or characterization beyond their portrait. Persona, on the other hand, is intensely character driven. Atlus does manage to reconcile the differing styles, and Persona Q is a great game, but I will say this about it: Persona Q doesn't do "Persona" as well as a real Persona game, and it doesn't do "Etrian Odyssey" as well as a real Etrian Odyssey game. Before I explain what I mean by that, I'd just like to clarify that I've actually only played one game from each of the respective series, so I'm pretty much just talking about my ass.</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As I said before, the main draw (haha get it because of cards?) of Persona is the characters. Growing bonds with them and watching them develop as characters is very satisfying. Persona Q uses characters that are already known, and because of the wibbley wobbley timey wimey way that it takes place in the middle of P3 and P4, there isn't much room for character development. Most of the characters are more 2-dimensional, like caricatures of the people you know and love. But it's not as bad as all that; there's plenty of fun banter between all the characters, and there's plenty of Persona wisdom towards the end.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_llRRdscfZg/VKLeTSGxZAI/AAAAAAAAAeI/lTuDDhAhLkY/s1600/Mara%2BPersona.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_llRRdscfZg/VKLeTSGxZAI/AAAAAAAAAeI/lTuDDhAhLkY/s1600/Mara%2BPersona.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sometimes the true manifestation of your inner self is a giant green phallus?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In my opinion, the main draw (haha get it because of... drawing maps?) of Etrian Odyssey is the sense of exploration. Exploring uncharted lands and discovering unknown treasures and dangers provides a thrill many other RPGs lack. Without an overworld or sub-dungeons, much of this sense of exploration was lost in Persona Q. But I must compliment Persona Q's dungeon design, which, although frustrating at times, included a lot of interesting and neat puzzles.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
What I'm saying is that despite some flaws, the game is good and also the music is good. At this point, the chain of "Speaking of..." transitions splits in "Choose your own Adventure" fashion</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
For "Speaking of crossovers", skip to entry 4</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
For "Speaking of Etrian Odyssey", skip to entry 3</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><u>4. Professor Layton vs. Ace Attorney</u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://oyster.ignimgs.com/wordpress/stg.ign.com/2014/03/PLvPW_031414_1600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://oyster.ignimgs.com/wordpress/stg.ign.com/2014/03/PLvPW_031414_1600.jpg" height="120" width="320" /></a></div>
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Speaking of crossovers, Professor Layton vs. Ace Attorney is another great crossover game that I played this year. And while the games are so different that it's impossible to directly compare them as games, I will say that, as a crossover, PL vs. AA surpasses PQ. It is both an excellent Ace Attorney game (Maybe even one of the best) and an excellent Professor Layton game. And I have more credentials on this matter, as I've played the entire Ace Attorney series, and <i>two</i> games of Professor Layton. It has all the courtroom drama of an Ace Attorney game, and all the grand mystery of a Professor Layton game, as well as a level of "feels" uncommon to either series. The "witch trials", featuring magic and cross-examination of multiple witnesses at once are a fresh new take on Ace Attorney, and it's always satisfying to reduce a puzzle to a modular system of linear equations and spend 15 minutes inventing new math to solve a puzzle about pushing buttons with triangles on them.</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Professor Layton vs. Ace Attorney does a great job of exemplifying all the qualities of the respective series, both good and bad. It's also highly accessible for anyone who hasn't played one of the series. There aren't really any spoilers on either side, so it could make a nice introduction for someone who's played one game but not the other, or even a total newcomer. Persona Q actually did a pretty decent job in this department, with minimal spoiling of things I didn't already know (Hi, Persona 4 Arena Ultimax)<br />
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><u>3. Etrian Odyssey IV</u></b></div>
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<b><u><br /></u></b>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.technobuffalo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Etrian-Odyssey-IV-Legends-of-the-Titan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.technobuffalo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Etrian-Odyssey-IV-Legends-of-the-Titan.jpg" height="206" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><u><br /></u></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Speaking of Etrian Odyssey, I also played an actual Etrian Odyssey game this year, Etrian Odyssey IV. I bought it on a whim during an Atlus sale when I also bought SMT Devil Survivor: Overclocked. I kind of regretted it, since it took me so long to get around to playing it. And if I wasn't forced away from Persona 3 by a trip to visit my family, there's no telling how long that would have taken. But I did end up playing it, and I'm glad, because Etrian Odyssey IV is pretty baller.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iCKdjaCJGos/VJdSJsTv_wI/AAAAAAAAAcc/HR3ag16OhSk/s1600/lady%2Bboner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iCKdjaCJGos/VJdSJsTv_wI/AAAAAAAAAcc/HR3ag16OhSk/s1600/lady%2Bboner.jpg" height="181" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;"><i>Really</i> baller</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
What really sets Etrian Odyssey apart is that you draw your own map. As you explore dungeons, you have to draw walls and the like on the bottom screen so you don't get lost. This sounds like a pain in the ass, and sometimes it is, but it really gives the sense of exploration that's rare in other games. In the beginning, at least, you're not The Chosen One on his Quest of Epic Destiny to destroy all Evil. You're not a rag-tag bunch of scrappy rebels fighting for freedom against the Evil Empire of Tyranny. You're just a couple of dudes and lady-dudes going where no one's been before, trying to figure out what's up with that big-ass tree in the distance because the Count said to. It's almost more of an explorer sim at first. And the initial lack of characters and story just makes it that much cooler when the plot starts to kick off.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Another strength of Etrian Odyssey IV is the combat system. I liked it. Each of the 8 (starting) classes has a definite role within your 5 member party, and you can customize the skills they learn and invest in to suit your strategy. Or you could just say "to Hell with strategy" and make a bunch of people who hit as hard and fast as possible. Nothing's stopping you. By the end of my playthrough damage was dealt almost exclusively by a single mage, with the rest of the party devoted to maximizing her damage and keeping everyone alive. Probably not the best strategy, but a valid one nonetheless.<br />
<br />
Here is an anecdote of a memorable experience I had in EO IV. I was going to cut it, but my brother insisted that I not, so all culpability for this is his. I was wandering around some dungeon when I noticed that an otherwise unexceptional patch of water had a prompt to press the A button. Thinking that it might allow me to take a rest and heal or something, I pressed A, and it asked me if I wanted to catch a crayfish. Naturally, I did, so I had the first member of my party try to catch it. She was too slow, and got a nasty pinch, slightly damaging her. So I tried again with my fastest unit. Pinched. HP gone.At this point, I gave up, but when I happened upon the same spot while traveling through the same dungeon, I steeled my resolve and tried again. And again. After each of my party members, one by one, fell victim to the cruel pinch of Man's folly, one of them succeeded. The guild immediately erupted into cheers and celebration. It was a rare outburst of human emotion from characters who were really just grunts with a name and a face. But then someone asked the question: "Why did we even want it in the first place?" All at once, everyone realized that they were getting excited over nothing. The cray fish was thrown back into the water with disgust, and the adventure moved on like nothing had happened.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Also the music is like really good</div>
</div>
<br />
<b><u>2. Bravely Default</u></b><br />
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<a href="http://bravelydefault.nintendo.com/img/slide_character_one.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://bravelydefault.nintendo.com/img/slide_character_one.png" height="293" width="320" /></a></div>
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Speaking of... RPG's, I guess? Yeah, Bravely Default, whatever. The game that, <a href="http://havocmantis.blogspot.com/2014/05/an-ill-conceived-notion.html">earlier in the year</a>, I said would probably be my game of the year if not for Super Smash Brothers, because I hadn't anticipated that I'd be playing so many amazing games this year. But that's not to say that it isn't an amazing game, because it really is. It's probably my favorite non-Atlus JRPG (which honestly might not be saying a whole lot). And while it does have a few setbacks, (If you refer to the part where the plot "shits the bed", almost anyone who's played the game will know what you're talking about) if Bravely Second is basically just Bravely Default, but without all the bad parts, it could easily be one of my favorite games of all time.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5HjBKhYGT5A/VJhvGgemQvI/AAAAAAAAAcw/VRQe98QW_fw/s1600/Bravo%2BBikini.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5HjBKhYGT5A/VJhvGgemQvI/AAAAAAAAAcw/VRQe98QW_fw/s1600/Bravo%2BBikini.jpg" height="209" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I believe in you, Square. You know what must be done.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I didn't have much time to talk about Bravely Default in that last post, because I was too busy talking about other games made by Atlus. Luckily, this time I- oh. Oh geez. Oh ding dang darn. Better make this a lightning round.<br />
<br />
The thing that really stands out about Bravely Default is... well, nothing, actually, because it's just holistically good. The brave and default combat system allows you to default (guard) on one turn so that you can perform more actions on a later turn. This allows you to strategically attack and defend when the moment is right, or, more realistically, have everyone save up all their brave points to maximum and then hit as hard as you can all at once. The characters and story are interesting, (except for <i>that one time</i>) but in a way that I can't talk much about without spoilers. There's a thing that happens that's really, REALLY cool, but I also can't really describe it much without spoilers. You'll know it when you see it. Maybe. It also has the best use of augmented reality of any game I've ever played, which is to say that it uses augmented reality, which no other real game I've ever played did. But still, it was really cool, and I don't anticipate it being topped any time soon by anything other than maybe Bravely Second.<br />
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<b><u>1. Transistor</u></b><br />
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<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/41/Transistor_art.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/41/Transistor_art.jpg" height="320" width="232" /></a></div>
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Speaking of absolutely nothing in particular, Transistor is a game that I played and really, really liked. In fact, of all the games here, my liking of Transistor is probably the most <a href="http://havocmantis.blogspot.com/2014/05/trans-sister.html">well-documented</a>, so I should be able to wrap this one up quickly.<br />
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One thing that I would like to add, though, is that I did play Bastion after playing Transistor, and I am now no longer so sure that I prefer the former to the latter, especially after reading a far-too-long article about some of the Philosophical Ideas in Transistor. I still think Bastion's soundtrack is substantially better, (While Transistor's was good, it was a bit of a disappointment) and the story was powerful in a way that was easy to understand, but Transistor had a much deeper combat system, once you got used to it. The bottom line is that both are excellent games and you should seriously consider playing them if you ever get the chance.<br />
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<b><u>Epilogue</u></b><br />
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Basically all of the games I've played this year have been pretty great (except for one. <a href="http://www.atlus.com/conception2/">You know the one</a>). Guacamelee, Devil Survivor Overclocked, and Child of Light were all great games. But, as you've probably noticed from the fact that you're not reading this because you got bored and left halfway through this post, this post is too damn long as it is, so I'll just leave it at "great games"<br />
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<i>Tune</i> in next time, when I talk about my favorite music, most of which is going to be from these same games.Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0United States44.087585028245179 -130.7812518.565550528245179 -172.089844 69.609619528245176 -89.472656tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-77035406709242614302014-10-02T19:35:00.002-07:002015-01-05T10:59:40.765-08:00The Unnecessary Second Half of that Post that I Just Didn't FinishSometimes, when you land a particularly powerful KO hit on someone, there's a visual effect that kind of looks like black lightning, which is why I decided to call it black lightning. (Which it just now occurs to me sounds very much like a blaxploitation film) It doesn't add anything to the gameplay, but it's a nice touch; it makes your hypest kills just a little bit more hype, and that's really what Smash Bros. is all about. And with that in mind, I'll be dedicating the remainder of this post to all the pre-Smash fanfare that has been missing from my blog, laying out what is and is not hype about the new Smash in explicit detail.<br />
<br />
Remember back before X and Y singlehandedly killed my interest in Pokemon? How I'd bitch about all the new Pokemon that were teased? Well, that's happening again, except with Duck Hunt Dog this time. Remember that dog in Duck Hunt who laughed at you every time you missed a shot? The one that you've probably made jokes about hating, despite having never played Duck Hunt, because what are you, old? Yeah, him. He's a playable character. Why? The only reason I can come up with is for pandering. (old) People still hate him for laughing at their every missed shot, so Nintendo's given them the opportunity to take out their rage by way of black lightning. There's really no other excuse for him to be there. If you defend him, you are wrong. Sure, he was in a popular game, but that was over a quarter of a century ago, and at no time in that game was it ever implied that he was capable of fighting. In fact, there were probably only a few dozen sprites of him, just laughing at you. I guess I shouldn't say “Duck Hunt dog”, because the ducks are also there fighting with him for some reason, because, you know, whatever, I guess. I know Smash isn't really big on continuity, but it seems like a stretch to make something happen that should not have happened.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EGPFHPelSKI/VC33dPxpUZI/AAAAAAAAAa0/kVb7rFzQLcc/s1600/dumb%2Bthing.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EGPFHPelSKI/VC33dPxpUZI/AAAAAAAAAa0/kVb7rFzQLcc/s1600/dumb%2Bthing.png" height="83" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I just hate that kind of thing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
And while I'm bitching, I might as well bring up my other major gripe with the game: the seeming return of clones. Brawl clearly made a departure from clones (fighters with nearly identical movesets, like Fox and Falco). Pichu, Roy, and Dr. Mario were axed, and characters who started as clones (Like Captain Falcon and Ganondorf) were changed to be more different. Smash 4 seems to reverse this trend with Lucina, Dr. Mario, and Dark Pit, who, as far as I can tell, are clones of Marth, Mario, and Pit, respectively. I haven't actually played the game yet, so I don't know how closely these clones resemble their counterparts, but it seems to me like they could all be alternate skins for other characters (more on that in a bit). Hell, Lucina (SPOILERS AHEAD) literally takes the name “Marth” when you first meet her, so it's not that much of a stretch? So why is she in the game? One conjecture I heard was that she was included so there'd be more female fighters. I don't like that idea. I realize that sounds like it was written from the top of a literal mountain of privilege, and maybe it was. I'm not saying that video games shouldn't make an effort to be more inclusive of everyone, but I do think that there are better ways of going about it. If they really wanted a female character from Fire Emblem, there are better options available.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-J9f7c4i2HCI/VC34Y-nRs1I/AAAAAAAAAbA/osgShApdQFI/s1600/Anna-FE7.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-J9f7c4i2HCI/VC34Y-nRs1I/AAAAAAAAAbA/osgShApdQFI/s1600/Anna-FE7.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm a slasher... of prices</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Anna's the only character who's been in every Fire Emblem game since the beginning, and she just made her debut as a playable character in Awakening, so she's a natural choice.<br />
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Anyway, that's quite enough negativity. I'm still more hyped for Smash 4 than I have been for any game since Brawl, despite the fact that, when I really think about it, there are only two characters that I'm really excited to play: Robin and Rosalina (& Luma). Robin, because Fire Emblem Awakening is one of my favorite games of all time, and Rosalina, because I've always been a big fan of The Bard.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gjh2ABxSRY8/VC35d8xmIRI/AAAAAAAAAbI/o6zpZQLmAec/s1600/Rosalina%2C_Mario_Kart_7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gjh2ABxSRY8/VC35d8xmIRI/AAAAAAAAAbI/o6zpZQLmAec/s1600/Rosalina%2C_Mario_Kart_7.png" height="320" width="184" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A reference all the way back to my first post. No, not that one. No, not the one titled "First Post!", either. Yeah, that one!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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You know, I thought that leaving that cliffhanger in my previous post would motivate me to finish this one as soon as possible, but in a much more real way, I knew for absolute sure that it wouldn't. The fact of the matter is that I have nothing to say about Smash that you don't already know. It's cool. Really cool. Cooler than superfluid Helium. Cooler than a quantum refrigerator. Perhaps even cool enough to help me recover from the traumatic feels incurred from reading <a href="http://brawlinthefamily.keenspot.com/2014/09/16/595-meet-me-at-final-destination-part-1/">Brawl in The Family's concluding strip</a>.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jAg-5flmF6A/VC36HokOydI/AAAAAAAAAbQ/zMMUXJKG9R0/s1600/I'm%2Bgonna%2Bget%2Byou%2Bkirby.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jAg-5flmF6A/VC36HokOydI/AAAAAAAAAbQ/zMMUXJKG9R0/s1600/I'm%2Bgonna%2Bget%2Byou%2Bkirby.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'm gonna get you, feelings"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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But, as cool as it is, it's not the only fighting game happening these days. Just three days before the release of Smash, I picked up Persona 4 Ultimax. I mean, I'm a fan of the Persona series now, so the tarot card deck pre-order bonus was awfully appealing. And I reasoned that if I could get good at Skullgirls, then surely other fighting games would be within my reach. I have never been more wrong in my entire life.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ni96Rt9ZmSE/VC37B9d1t_I/AAAAAAAAAbY/uFeBHLBuVCs/s1600/Pok%C3%A9mon_Mystery_Dungeon_Blue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ni96Rt9ZmSE/VC37B9d1t_I/AAAAAAAAAbY/uFeBHLBuVCs/s1600/Pok%C3%A9mon_Mystery_Dungeon_Blue.jpg" height="286" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And I once liked Pokemon Mystery dungeon.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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P4U is a lot like the ocean: it's pretty cool, but there is just too goddamn much of it. While its roster isn't nearly as big as Smash's, each character in Smash has maybe a bit more than 20 moves. In P4U, each character has a hell of a lot more moves than I care to count. There's weak attacks, strong attacks, weak Persona attacks, strong persona attacks, 2 versions of each special attack, plus charged versions, furious attacks, sweeps, one-hit kills, throws, bursts, skills, Awakened skills, shadow frenzies, and God knows what else.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8hDZdn5BoWI/VC4HlECs2AI/AAAAAAAAAbo/7P3xS_0xsFA/s1600/YHVH.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8hDZdn5BoWI/VC4HlECs2AI/AAAAAAAAAbo/7P3xS_0xsFA/s1600/YHVH.gif" height="200" width="171" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don't drag me into this. I don't know what those kids are up to these days.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I wouldn't say that it's bad, or that it's not fun, but it's deep enough that learning how to really play is a serious investment. I could probably get pretty good if I had enough time, but between school and Smash Bros., I don't really. But at least I have half a deck of tarot cards, so there's that. And, speaking of not having enough time, Smash bros. happens in just a few hours, and I should really put this out before that happens. So, until I'm done with Smash Bros, (never) this is Havoc Mantis, signing off.Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-8271437999297144442014-09-26T14:48:00.002-07:002014-09-26T14:48:27.549-07:00Summer was Ending when I started this, alright?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
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Summer's ending, and you know what that means; The Earth is moving away from its orbital aphelion and towards its perihelion, where the Northern Hemisphere is pointed away from the Sun. But, more importantly, I have to personally go to some collection of buildings to listen to people talk and write things on papers for several hours almost every day, learning confusing new words like "aphelion" and "perihelion". So, in a feeble attempt to avoid the fact that I'm taking way more math and physics than I can handle, I'm going to reminisce about summer. The good days. Not the ones I spent crying in the corner about quantum mechanics.<br />
<br />
So, what did I do over the summer? Well, besides probably disappointing the physics lab professor and making jokes about my brother being in space, Persona 3, mostly. So how did I like it? Enough that I'm considering buying all 4 Persona games being released over the next few months, as well as a Vita pretty much just for the ability to play the enhanced version of Persona 4.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-h3i2eXtA5Ls/VCXd0dCSNeI/AAAAAAAAAao/LofVQfFOKnY/s1600/PS%2BTV.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-h3i2eXtA5Ls/VCXd0dCSNeI/AAAAAAAAAao/LofVQfFOKnY/s1600/PS%2BTV.png" height="117" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If only there were another way...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Persona 3 is the kind of game that makes me almost wish I had friends. In contrast to the mainline Shin Megami Tensei games, which teach lessons like “If your friends have different beliefs from you, you should kill them”, Persona is all about friendship. Part high school sim, and part dungeon-crawler RPG, you spend your days hanging out with friends and developing social links, and you spend your nights fighting monsters called Shadows. So kind of like Batman, but with prettier hair. I actually first made that comparison in jest, but when you take into account the dead parents, the fact that persona are often likened to masks, and how he can gain his power from Lucifer, (I, uh, don't actually read that much Batman) the similarities are more striking than Kenpachi Ramasama's piercing grey eyes.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hpUY1A1CnGg/VCWAO4s62SI/AAAAAAAAAaY/Rf0-Os-AuAA/s1600/dreamboat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hpUY1A1CnGg/VCWAO4s62SI/AAAAAAAAAaY/Rf0-Os-AuAA/s1600/dreamboat.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Huh? Was I saying something? I lost my train of thought</td></tr>
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More than just being fun, Persona 3 is the kind of game that can change the way you see your friends, yourself, the full moon, robots with feelings, and the inevitability of Death. And at just $4 at the time that I got it, it's probably the best value of anything I have ever purchased in my life. And I bought Skullgirls for $10.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.cheatcc.com/news_images/Sekhmet.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn.cheatcc.com/news_images/Sekhmet.png" height="269" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I REMAIN making dumb references no one will get.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Despite my insistence at the beginning that I would be speaking of good days, I guess I'll make the natural progression to talking about Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne (SMT 3). But maybe I'm being too harsh on it. I certainly wouldn't say that Nocturne is a bad game. In fact, I'd say that it's a great game, if it weren't for all the times while playing it that I found myself thinking “Wow, this is literally bad game design.”<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5Y0mkykZVbQ/VCTyxl1tpBI/AAAAAAAAAaI/2FyVgZM2Xoo/s1600/Matador.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5Y0mkykZVbQ/VCTyxl1tpBI/AAAAAAAAAaI/2FyVgZM2Xoo/s1600/Matador.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Someone call my name?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
See that asshole up there? That's the Matador. But he should be called the mad-ador, because that's exactly what you'll be when you're fighting him for the third time after two hours of grinding. He just shows up out of nowhere early on the game, maximizes his evasion, sharply lowers your party's defense, and just goes to town on your party. The town is Painville, Hell; population: 4, and rapidly declining. And the worst part is that he totally hustles you, and he's far from the only boss in the game to do it. For the first half, they toy with you, using attacks that you can resist so you think that you have a chance, but once it's game time for real, all your people get stabbed over and over and over until none of the remain to be stabbed. I had more trouble with the Matador, the first fiend in the game, (of 10 that you have to fight to get the coolguy demon ending) than I had with Lucifer, actual King of the Demons, who takes 25% from all kinds of attacks, (including almighty attacks, the element whose entire point is that no one resists it) and has as much HP as they could fit into 2 bytes.<br />
<br />
Besides the frustrating bosses, the game had dungeons that I'll admit were cleverly designed, but only begrudgingly. Because, as cool as some of the things were, spending 2 hours wandering a dungeon because you have no idea where to go next is very much uncool. Just ask those (totally hypothetical) kids that I totally implied that I chained to chairs in my basement a few posts back.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5xv5Ey_QRl0/VCTxdR6-1wI/AAAAAAAAAZ4/TNQ1-RNM-AA/s1600/The%2Bone%2Bthat%2Bgot%2Baway.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5xv5Ey_QRl0/VCTxdR6-1wI/AAAAAAAAAZ4/TNQ1-RNM-AA/s1600/The%2Bone%2Bthat%2Bgot%2Baway.png" height="148" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The one that got away <b>NOTE: DON'T PUBLISH THIS</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
But that's all in the past, now. What really matters is the future. And there's only one thing in the future that matters right now: Super Smash Brothers. And while the demo might be available to the public by the time I actually finish this, (hell, the game might be out for the Wii U by the time I finish this) I would like the record to show that I got a totally legitimate early demo for being a platinum member of Club Nintendo. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm kind of a big deal.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-duQqlolxUUQ/VCTyG9OU4dI/AAAAAAAAAaA/KjcCH6gLqcI/s1600/Big%2Bdeal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-duQqlolxUUQ/VCTyG9OU4dI/AAAAAAAAAaA/KjcCH6gLqcI/s1600/Big%2Bdeal.jpg" height="190" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">inb4 "You're a real pizza. Pizza SHIT"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Of course, as I said, by the time this reaches the presses, most of you will probably have had an opportunity to play the demo for yourself. Not to mention the fact that the game's out in Japan already, and there are plenty of people sharing details about that. Regardless, this Smash demo is just about the only thing I've got going for me, and I intend to milk it for all it's worth, and then some. And of course, by the time I get around to writing this very next sentence, the demo's already upon us. So, now that you have the opportunity, do yourself a favor and find a friend to play Smash Potato with right now. What's Smash Potato? Well, Smash Potato is when two people face off, both playing as the Murdere- er, Villager. They are only allowed to use two moves: His down B, where he plants a tree, waters it, and chops it down, and his regular B, which allows him to pocket just about anything, including trees. What follows is an intense game of timing, strategy, and throwing trees at your friends, where even a single slip-up can result in a spectacular black lightning death. What's black lightning, you ask? Well, I feel like this post is disjointed enough as it is, so I think I'll leave this as a cliffhanger for my next post, if for no other reason than to motivate me to finish it sooner.. So, as my physics professor would say, you'll have to wait until the next exciting episode to find out. Or you could just play the demo.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-89177445478012395772014-08-06T09:23:00.001-07:002014-08-21T00:21:29.954-07:006 Mindblowing Baffles You Didn't Know about Light! (That aren't Properly Cited!)As funny, knowledgeable, and delusional as I am, it should come as no surprise that people come to me all the time and tell me that I should write professionally. One day, I took their suggestions to heart, and headed on down to the <a href="http://www.cracked.com/forums/forum/cracked-comedy-workshop">Cracked Writers Workshop</a> to pitch an article. My pitch made it pretty far in the editorial process, until the Editor-in-Chief himself pointed out that science articles on Cracked are more lists of neat magic tricks with science than they are lectures on advanced physics that the author only barely understands. With my dreams thoroughly crushed, I figured I'd sweep the fragments over into my blog, the dustbin of my creative ambitions. Here's what the article I almost wrote for Cracked would have looked like (before they edited it into being, you know, good).<br />
<br />
<b><u>6 Crazy Things You (Probably?) Didn't Know About Light</u></b><br />
<br />
If we here at [Havoc Mantis' one-man blog] know one thing, it's that the universe is weird. Really weird. Every day, scientists are discovering new things about seemingly unexplainable mysteries like gravity, magnetism, and people who pay for porn. But of all the crazy things in this crazy universe that we call home, light just might be the craziest. Here's why:<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>6. Moving at the speed of light requires infinite energy</b><br />
<br />
It's pretty common knowledge that nothing can move faster than light. But if you think about it from the perspective of classical physics, it doesn't make any sense for there to be a universal speed limit. In classical mechanics, pushing on an object causes it to gain kinetic energy, which is related to its velocity by the equation KE = (1/2)mv^2. If you push something hard enough, and for long enough, you can give it as much kinetic energy as you want. And since velocity squared is directly proportional to kinetic energy, this should mean that you can make the object go as fast as you want, with no limits.<br />
<br />
But the equation KE = (1/2)mv^2 is kind of like the physics equivalent of the Christopher Columbus story that they told you in elementary school: a convenient lie told to hide the horrific truth. What in physics could possibly be as horrific as genocide and enslavement? Well, say hello to the relativistic equation for kinetic energy.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.ux1.eiu.edu/~cfadd/1350/07WorkEnergy/Images/Eq1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.ux1.eiu.edu/~cfadd/1350/07WorkEnergy/Images/Eq1.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This, uh, actually still doesn't really quite measure up to genocide, if I'm being honest.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
To see why this prevents objects from going at the speed of light, try plugging in c, the speed of light, for v, the velocity. The part on the bottom of the fraction becomes 0, which means that you end up dividing by zero. And one of the most fundamental rules of physics is that you never divide by zero. The technical physics term for dividing by zero is a "catastrophe", and I'm not even sure I'm joking about that. If you start plugging in values for the kinetic energy, and solving for velocity, you'll find that no matter how high the kinetic energy is, as long as it is finite, the corresponding velocity is always less than c. So, to reach c, you need an amount of energy that is not finite. Infinite, you could even say.<br />
<br />
<b>5. It always moves impossibly fast</b><br />
<br />
Nothing can go faster than light, so it's a good thing that it's pretty damn fast, with a blistering top speed of 299,792,458 meters per second. (about 670 million miles per hour). But that's not just light's top speed. It's also its only speed. To really understand what this means, and why it's so crazy, you have to know a little bit about relativity. But don't worry; you won't need any math beyond addition and subtraction to understand this.<br />
<br />
Suppose you're outside in the park on a lovely summer day. I know that this might be a bit of a stretch for some of my readers, but please bear with me. Amidst of the peaceful chirping of birds and the wonderful aroma of budding flowers, you are suddenly and viciously kicked in the 'nads (lady-nads?). The perpetrator then sprints away from you at 10 miles per hour. You are still recovering from the surprise groin kick you just received, so you are unable to give chase for a few seconds (or maybe a few minutes, no one's judging.) During this time, the assailant is moving at 10 miles per hour, relative to you. After you recover for a bit, you run after him at 3 miles per hour. Now, he is moving at 7 miles per hour relative to you, because velocities add and subtract exactly how you expect them to. This is Galilean relativity, a fundamental rule of the universe.<br />
<br />
But light doesn't play by the universe's rules. The universe plays by light's rules, and light is like that annoying neighbor who plays Monopoly with weird house rules that screw everyone else over. But instead of only insisting that there's a cash prize for landing on Free Parking when he lands on it, light makes us play by the rules of Special Relativity. In special relativity, adding velocities is much more difficult, and the rules are carefully arranged so that nothing can go faster than light, and light always goes the same speed from every reference frame. This means that if a man made of light ever kicks you in the nuts, then you're shit out of luck. Even if you can instantaneously accelerate to 0.8c (80% of the speed of light), and then fire a bullet at a 0.8c relative to you. According to Galilean Relativity, he should move away from you at 0.2c, and the bullet should move towards him at 0.6c, because 0.8c + 0.8c – c = 0.6c. But according to Special Relativity, the light man moves away from both you and the bullet at exactly c, utterly disregarding the relative motion between the two. Even if you run away from him, while Galilean relativity says that he should be moving at 1.8c away from you, special relativity ensures that he always moves at exactly c. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't make an enemy of a man made of light.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-t4aIsPbQ34Q/U-JVMSqmDBI/AAAAAAAAAZc/VJb_OprgBd8/s1600/Obi+wan+force+ghost.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-t4aIsPbQ34Q/U-JVMSqmDBI/AAAAAAAAAZc/VJb_OprgBd8/s1600/Obi+wan+force+ghost.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine", indeed</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>4. It doesn't experience Time or Space</b><br />
<br />
Galilean Relativity says that all velocities are relative, with no one frame of reference that is absolutely correct. Special Relativity goes a step further, saying that time and space themselves are relative, with no absolutely correct frame of reference. So, while a clock may take 1 second to tick in one frame of reference, it could take 2 seconds to tick from a different frame of reference, and they're both equally correct. Similarly, a meterstick can appear to have a length of half a meter if viewed while going fast enough. Surprisingly, scientists say that this has nothing to do with why a single Monday seems to last longer than an entire weekend.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V2KbRoq6DqY/U-EiNrqdX0I/AAAAAAAAAYw/9wczvbOY8Ek/s1600/garfield.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V2KbRoq6DqY/U-EiNrqdX0I/AAAAAAAAAYw/9wczvbOY8Ek/s1600/garfield.jpg" height="245" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This phenomenon is still being investigated by top minds in the field.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
These phenomena are called time dilation and length contraction, and they're entirely dependent on how fast you're going. When you go faster, external events seem to happen more quickly, and distances seem shorter. As you approach the speed of light, the time for external events to happen approaches 0, and distances also approach 0. So, the next time someone tells you that the light from distant stars is millions of years old, tell them that that's only true from your perspective. From the perspective of the light, it took less time than it took for you to stop reading this for being too boring, and the distance was less than the distance you had to move your mouse over to click over to a porn tab.<br />
<br />
<b>3. It's just a wiggle of electricity</b><br />
<br />
When I say “Electromagnetic Radiation”, what's the first thing you think of? Concrete pillars that belch billowing clouds of steam? Devastating weapons with the power to level entire cities? Spider bites with improbably beneficial side effects? Well, in reality, Electromagnetic radiation is just the scientific name for light, including not just the visible spectrum, but infrared, ultraviolet, X-rays, and so on. Electromagnetic radiation is made of waves, and to understand these waves you must understand electric fields.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bdX3QYUbFQ0/U-GnbDTfNRI/AAAAAAAAAZA/OJFjj9tQ2Ac/s1600/light+wave.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bdX3QYUbFQ0/U-GnbDTfNRI/AAAAAAAAAZA/OJFjj9tQ2Ac/s1600/light+wave.jpg" height="169" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Piece of cake, right?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Every charged particle exerts an attractive or repulsive electrical force on every other charged particle, much like how all massive particles exert a gravitational force on one another. This force is described by an electric field that is emitted by the particle. When the particle moves, the electric field also moves. BUT, no information can travel faster than light, so the change in the electric field propagates at the speed of light, causing it to bend. If a charged particle were to oscillate, or wiggle back and forth, it would cause the electric field to similarly wiggle up and down, like wave. When the electric field changes, it induces an accompanying magnetic field that is perpendicular to the electric field. This wiggle of electric and magnetic fields is what makes up electromagnetic radiation, all of the light that we see and don't see. And now is the time when you can feel free to admit that you have no idea what I'm saying, because I'm honestly only about 60% sure that what I'm saying makes any sense. But I'm about 90% sure that it's really cool, and I like those odds.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Except it's actually a particle</b><br />
<br />
The only problem with the above description of light is that light is a particle, called a photon. And if it's a particle, then it clearly doesn't make any sense that it could also be a wave, right? But this is where we get into the dangerous realm of quantum mechanics, and the first rule of quantum mechanics is that if something makes sense, it isn't true. So light can be a particle and a wave at the same time, and this property is called particle-wave duality. And since I said all that stuff earlier about it being impossible for a massive particle to move at the speed of light, it must follow that photons have no mass. So if you try to use the earlier formula to calculate the energy of a photon, something weird happens. The mass is 0, so you have a 0 on the top, and it's going at light speed, so you also have a 0 on the bottom, giving you 0/0. 0/0 is one of the strangest expressions in all of math, because it can be any number. To see why this is the case, consider the definition of division.<br />
<br />
If you have some number c = a/b, then c is the number such that b*c=a. The quotient is something that, when multiplied by the bottom number, gets the top number. So 0/0 is a number that, when multiplied by 0, gets 0. You may recognize this as every number ever. To find the actual value, you have to do some neat tricks with limits, but this isn't the place to talk about that. What's important now is that this only happens if the photon is traveling at the speed of light. If you were to somehow slow down a photon to below the speed of light, (like if it were to, I don't know, pause to kick someone in the balls?) then the energy just becomes 0, and the photon ceases to exist. This means that light will die if it ever slows down; for this reason, scientists call light “The sharks of the air”.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JVXOjroLowI/U-Gr_9ztuII/AAAAAAAAAZQ/f5BSGHBjmVo/s1600/science+shark.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JVXOjroLowI/U-Gr_9ztuII/AAAAAAAAAZQ/f5BSGHBjmVo/s1600/science+shark.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As illustrated by <a href="http://xkcd.com/585/">XKCD</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b>1. The wave and particle descriptions seem to disagree</b><br />
<br />
Suppose you have a photon gun; not a very useful weapon, but great for demonstrating how weird light is. Let's say you set it to fire at a frequency of 1 photon per second. Thanks to wave-particle duality, this means that it is also firing a wave of light. It seems reasonable to think that the frequency of the wave, or how many times it wiggles up and down in one second, would be the same: 1 wiggle per second. Even if this is not the case, it should be obvious that they are dependent on one another; increasing the rate at which the photon gun fires should make the wave wiggle up and down faster. Similarly, increasing the amount of energy per photon should increase the amplitude of the wave, or how big it is. After all, in classical mechanics, the energy of a wave is determined by its amplitude. It's just common sense.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-udzh5vh-7gM/U-GoKyGjduI/AAAAAAAAAZI/4GQmPr-lzLk/s1600/common+sense.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-udzh5vh-7gM/U-GoKyGjduI/AAAAAAAAAZI/4GQmPr-lzLk/s1600/common+sense.jpg" height="320" width="204" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thomas Paine: Brilliant political theorist, terrible quantum physicist</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
And that's quantum mechanics' cue to come crashing in like a particularly unKool-Aid man and explain why everything that makes sense is wrong. It turns out that those correlations are actually reversed. Increasing the energy per photon will increase the frequency of the wave, and increasing the number of photons per second will increase the amplitude of the wave. So the frequency of the photons is the amplitude of the wave, and the "amplitude" of the photons is the frequency of the wave. Now I need you to act really surprised and amazed by this, because when I told all my physics friends, the general response was a resounding "Yeah? So what?"<br />
<br />
<b>Conclusion</b><br />
<br />
I can only hope that you learned as much from this experience as I did. While you may have learned a thing or two about light, the universe, and how bad I am at explaining these things, I definitely learned that it was a good idea for me to not write about science on my blog for a year and a half. I think I'll probably just go back to doing that.Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-874584883377746222014-06-30T14:24:00.000-07:002014-08-04T21:50:08.691-07:00Postgame: E3 Predilections If you were wondering why I haven't yet written a follow-up to my pre-E3 post, then you can fill the second half of this sentence with want, and it'll still be true. I could fill a graveyard with all the drafts I've started trying to make such a post, but I've been told I shouldn't do that anymore, so I won't. So, instead of doing that, I'm going to cannibalize some of the parts and stitch them up together with my inevitable post about the Summer Steam Sale to create a Frankenstein's Monster of a blog post. But not like the original Monster, who was eloquent and philosophical, but the more familiar one, who's more known for moaning and shambling.This abomination will begin as soon as I finish hooking up my computer to a lightning-rod and practicing shouting "It's Alive!"<br />
<br />
*ahem*<br />
<br />
It now occurs to me that I wrote the entirety of my previous post on E3 without actually explaining what E3 is. E3 is the Electronic Entertainment Expo, a yearly event where a bunch of video game developers meet up with a <i>bunch </i>of video game players to talk about video games. It's kind of like Comic-con, but with video games, instead of comics. And, much like Comic-con, it's moving away from its original focus, (video games, in this case) and towards a bunch of crap that no one cares about. (things that video game consoles can do other than video games, in this case)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ANZOBWUPegU/U54Ipdk4OMI/AAAAAAAAAXs/rwn_P8TofMo/s1600/red+ring+of+death.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ANZOBWUPegU/U54Ipdk4OMI/AAAAAAAAAXs/rwn_P8TofMo/s1600/red+ring+of+death.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Like dying, for example</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Another fun fact about E3: It happened, like, a week ago, [hahahahahAHAHAHAHAHA -Future Thomas] and you already know everything about it that you care to know. But I'll recap Nintendo's stuff (i.e. everything about it that you care to know) anyway, because I don't have anything better to do on my morning commute.<br />
<br />
Super Smash Brothers is the coal that keeps the Nintendo Hype train rolling. Nintendo understandably made it the centerpiece of their E3 showing, and it paid off. A concrete release date for the 3DS game was established, three new fighters were revealed, and demos of the game were available at E3, and at Best Buy locations across America. The release date is once again of particular importance, because it's October 3rd, almost two weeks past what even the most pedantic people (hi!) will consider the last day of summer, the alleged season of Smash Bros' release. So Nintendo lied to us. At least it's all uphill from here.<br />
<br />
If you've ever speculated on what new fighters might be included in the new Smash Bros, you've probably considered the possibility of letting players fight as their Mii. Shortly afterwards, you probably considered that possibility to be stupid. Yet the very first move of <a href="http://e3.nintendo.com/videos/#/GisRY6h100U">Nintendo's Digital Event</a> was to announce that very thing. And like every previous fighter that I initially doubted, the video changed my mind. The inclusion of Miis allows just about <i>any</i> character, real or fictional, to join the fray. The possibilities are endless.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WhWMZCxFuc4/U54So_p7IGI/AAAAAAAAAX8/mBT-6Txq9Bc/s1600/Elijah+Wood+like+to+battle.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WhWMZCxFuc4/U54So_p7IGI/AAAAAAAAAX8/mBT-6Txq9Bc/s1600/Elijah+Wood+like+to+battle.png" height="179" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is an actual screencap from Nintendo's Digital Event.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The second fighter to be announced was Palutena, the goddess of the Kid Icarus games. I never played them. People are saying it's cool that Smash Bros. has so many female characters for a fighting game. As a Skullgirls player, I think that's kind of cute.<br />
<br />
The final fighter that they revealed was <a href="http://www.smashbros.com/us/characters/pac-man.html">Pacman</a>. Like the Wii Fit trainer, Greninja, and Mii Fighter before him, I didn't like the idea of Pacman being in the game at first. Unlike those other guys, I still don't. Maybe it's because "eating" is his entire skillset, which doesn't really lend itself to a diverse moveset. Maybe it's because it's been more than a decade since anyone's ever actually had fun playing Pacman. Maybe it's because his trailer seems to imply that yellow is a primary color, a falsehood that I am willing to pick fights with little children over. Let's move on before you have time to realize that last bit wasn't even a joke.<br />
<br />
Speaking of Smash Bros. news that I don't much care about, Nintendo is making Skylanders figures of Nintendo characters and calling them "Amiibo". No, I have no idea what "Amiibo" is supposed to mean, either. Did someone miss the g key on their keyboard and just think "eh, good enough"? Anyway, in Super Smash Brothers, Amiibo will contain AI fighters than can train and learn and fight. They'll be compatible with other games, like Mario Kart 8, but details are unknown at this point. It seems like a pretty cool idea, and one that could make Nintendo a lot of money, but am I personally interested in it? The answer to this question is the same as the answer to the question "Is there a Rosalina Amiibo?"<br />
<br />
And continuing with Smash Bros: since the announcement of Pac-man, this image has been circulating around the internet<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m1_iIHo-Wt8/U7GvrZBLSMI/AAAAAAAAAYU/CCIZxREQwfY/s1600/only+90s+kids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m1_iIHo-Wt8/U7GvrZBLSMI/AAAAAAAAAYU/CCIZxREQwfY/s1600/only+90s+kids.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[had been circulating - Future Thomas]</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
usually with some caption like "If you told me as a kid in the 90's that all these characters would be in one game, I would have told you to eat your entire scrotum in world record time and not even call Guinness to verify it."<br />
<br />
Now, disregarding the fact that Mega-man and Pac-man are made by the same company, and how much of a sassy-ass you apparently were as a kid, that's not what I'd say about E3 to my past self. I'd say "Hey, you know Mario, right? He's that man in video games who jumps. So often that one might even call him a 'Jump Man'" "Yeah?" my past self responds, visibly distressed over the fact that I go insane in the not too distant future. "Well imagine if they made a Mario game, but without Mario, and also without jumping." "What!?" my past self cries in disbelief, "That would be like if they made a Legend of Zelda game without Link, and also without sexually confusing green clothing!" "Yeah", I respond, visibly distressed over the fact that I had already gone insane in the distant past. Then, I climb back in my time machine and head to the present to describe this scenario that is completely hypothetical, because I absolutely do not have a functioning time machine. [Definitely - Future Thomas] Because guess what? That happened. The bit about making a Mario game without Mario, not the time travel bit. It's called "Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker", and it is born of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1qfZ8q3ljg&t=4m36s">Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw's rage</a> and the twisted humor of Karmic Destiny. It is bad and I do not like it.<br />
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Nintendo had other things at the show, like Yoshi's Wooly World, a sequel to Kirby's Canvas Curse for Wii U, a bit about a new Zelda, and Reggie saying he'd kick someone's ass, but that's all old hat. Now it's time to talk about the Steam Sale, and I'll describe all the cool games you should buy now that they're a (improper) fraction of the price they were a few days ago.<br />
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Guacamelee! is an incredible game that I didn't actually get during the sale. I got it in a Humble Bundle awhile back, and only played it recently so I could get trading cards to sell for chump change. Scientists believe that this is a symptom of a rare condition called "being pretty much the worst ever." But I'm glad I did play it, because Guacamelee! is incredible. It's fun, there's a bunch of dumb references, it has great music, and it's just all around great. It's also pretty short, maybe 6 or 7 hours to beat the game, but this might be a blessing in disguise, as I'd probably play this game for the rest of my life if it let me.<br />
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So, what great games did I actually buy from the sale? Well. Um. About that. You see, I managed to play a rather clever trick on myself during the sale: by playing good games while I was buying games, I managed to convince myself that I was buying good games. But, in reality, while I was playing Guacamelee!, Gunpoint, and Transistor, I was buying Don't Starve, Bioshock, and Brothers. I don't really mean to imply that any of those games aren't good, but they just aren't really my cup of genre. Don't Starve is basically like Animal Crossing, but far more forgiving, as the sweet release of death eventually comes to set you free. I'm sure Bioshock is a great game, but I'm not really a fan of shooters, and playing against non-human opponents only makes me feel less justified in getting wrecked. Brothers was a neat little experience, but it was perhaps more "little" than "neat". The idea of a single player co-op game is certainly innovative, and it did lead to some cool moments, both mechanically and emotionally, but it certainly isn't enough to justify a $15 price tag. The gameplay was so basic that I could have done titrations with it, and the story wasn't really anything groundbreaking, but I don't think I regret spending $3 on the experience. (a word which fits it much better than "game") If you're a fan of games that are "oh ho ho so artsy", this one does it better than some out there, so you might want to check it out if it's deep on sale.<br />
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So, does that mean that I hate all the games I bought? Not quite. My favorite game that I bought during the sale (That I've played so far, at least) would have to be Battleblock Theater. It's pretty much a PC version of LittleBigPlanet, made by the same people who made Castle Crashers. Except only two people can play cooperatively at once, instead of sackboys, you play as blocky prisoner-friends, and instead of the refined yet whimsical voice of Stephen Fry, the game is narrated by the kid in your class who always shouted things that weren't really funny, but got you to laugh anyway. It also has a much bigger focus on cooperation. 2-player levels are altered to require players to work together to win, which is fun if you have a competent enough partner.(fortunately, my partner for this game was much better than for the last co-op game I played) Throw in a soundtrack that's way better than it has any right being, and you have a quirky, enjoyable platformer that's worth a few bucks, at least.<br />
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Lastly, Child of Light is a fairy tale RPG painted in water colors and written entirely in verse. That last bit intrigued me, but now that I'm playing it, I'd say that "verse" is a bit generous to describe this game's writing. Most of it rhymes, sure, but there's often little sense of rhythm. Lines will change syllable number and emphasis all over the place. And don't even get me started on all the half-rhymes. To be fair, this is entirely understandable, because writing a game entirely in consistent meter and rhyme is insane, but it's still a little disappointing. I came for the rhymes, but I stayed for the combat system. The combat combines real time and turn based combat in a way that requires finesse and strategic thinking to master. Unless the enemies are spaced out just perfectly to interrupt all your attacks, allowing them to donk your whole team while you can do nothing but watch in horror. It's fun when it works, but I don't think I've ever played another game so capable of taking me from "serene" to "frothing, seething rage" in such a short amount of time. I was kind of on the fence about this one for a bit, but I'm currently leaning more towards liking it. If nothing else, the soundtrack is beautiful, so at least there's that.<br />
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Well, that's it. Those are the things I had to say. And now I've said them. So, if you'll please excuse me, I have some games to go play.<br />
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<br />Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-66285598364182669192014-06-03T13:28:00.000-07:002014-08-04T21:56:47.901-07:00Pregame: E3 PredictionsSo. My predictions for E3? I predict that E3 will cause me to feel bitter and out of touch with the modern games industry, as well as make me feel as though I've betrayed the promise I made to myself that this wouldn't devolve into a “gamer blog”. Of course, you don't really care about that, nor do you much care about what I think will be announced at E3, so I won't discuss that, either. I also can't imagine that you much care about what I hope to be announced at E3. Unfortunately for you, that is exactly what I intend to discuss.<br />
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I'm a mostly reformed Nintendo fanboy, but I'd say that Super Smash Bros. is what stops that “mostly” from slipping into an “entirely”. I may love Skullgirls more than I've ever loved a person, but Super Smash Bros. Brawl is still my favorite fighting game of all time. I even temporarily lift the middle school memory-lock (don't lie; you have one, too) to fondly reminisce about how I checked the Smash Bros Dojo website every morning for months leading up to the game's release. It remains one of my top three games of all time, and its soundtrack is similarly ranked. Listening to the Brawl soundtrack was something of a musical puberty for me, and I'm now going to move on before I wise up and decide that that is something too gross to go on record.<br />
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So, what kind of Smash news do I hope for? Well, if I can manage to get myself to a Best Buy, I might be able to learn how it actually plays, which would certainly be neat. A concrete release date would also be appreciated; I'd like to know as soon as possible how long my brother will be stranded on the moon without being able to play Smash bros. New characters are always big announcements, but there are a few other things I'd like to know about, like if there will be a story mode similar to Subspace Emissary, whether or not they've bothered to make a proper level editor on this one, and if there's any reason for me to dare hope that the soundtrack will available for purchase. Confirmations or denials of returning characters, like Jigglypuff, Captain Falcon, Ness, and Lucas would also be reassuring. There's not really much else to say. It's Smash Bros. You know what's up.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uVdRZyQDPlA/U44r0fMwqkI/AAAAAAAAAXM/6a39GV_jMhE/s1600/up+arrow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uVdRZyQDPlA/U44r0fMwqkI/AAAAAAAAAXM/6a39GV_jMhE/s1600/up+arrow.jpg" height="200" width="151" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This. This is up. In case you'd forgotten</td></tr>
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If you were recommended to this blog by one of my blog buddies, who said something along the lines of “Yeah, he's really hilarious, and he talks about science and anime and stuff”, and that second one made you a bit uneasy, then you might want to tune out for a bit. While I'm not about to talk about anime, it is about to get a whole lot more Japanese in here. The forseeable remainder of this post will be dedicated to Atlus, crafters of what are arguably the most Japanese games in the world.<br />
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First of all, I would like from Atlus an entire conference apologizing for Conception II. As a show of good faith, representatives of Spike Chunsoft should also be there, as it was they who gave life to this atrocity. Atlus merely shattered the fetters that bound it to the cursed nation in which it was meant to forever remain. Now, I'm not saying that Conception II is the <i>worst</i> game I've ever played. I'm just saying that, if I've ever played a worse game, then I've successfully reppressed any memory of having ever played it. The less said about Conception II, the better, so I'll move on.<br />
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Shin Megami Tensei x Fire Emblem. What can I say about this that hasn't already been said before? Anything, really, because nothing's been said about it. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OK5-EIzDtKo">This trailer</a> from over a year ago is really all we have to go on, and it's about as informative as Pokemon's. Heck, it doesn't even have a date, or a concrete title, or really anything other than a bunch of characters from the respective series and the words "Development in progress". But what SMT x FE has over Pokemon is that, while Hoenn remakes were an inevitability, this crossover was more unexpected than me not referencing a certain Monty Python joke here. And while we know exactly what to expect from a Pokemon remake, more or less, we have practically no idea how this game will work. How will they reconcile the deeply personal connection you feel with the characters of Fire Emblem, resulting in a reset every time one dies, with the disposable demons of SMT, who are sacrificed as fusion fodder as you see fit? How can they resolve the conflict of setting, with SMT taking place in modern to futuristic Tokyo, and Fire Emblem taking place in various medieval fantasy worlds? How will they fuse the tactical gameplay of Fire Emblem with the more old-school RPG mechanics of SMT in a way that isn't exactly like Devil Survivor? Well, I have a few ideas on how it could be done...<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8GK--p8HUNM/U44Vo-S_emI/AAAAAAAAAWk/zvirlOWMFWk/s1600/SMT+x+FE+development+process.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8GK--p8HUNM/U44Vo-S_emI/AAAAAAAAAWk/zvirlOWMFWk/s1600/SMT+x+FE+development+process.png" height="347" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Welcome... to the Catheeeedral of Shadows!</td></tr>
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I kind of expect that some news will be dropped about this game at E3, and I definitely hope that it will. Fire Emblem's been one of my favorite game series for a while now, and Awakening is one of my favorite games of all time. And while I didn't know about it when this trailer was first unveiled, I've taken quite a shine to Shin Megami Tensei, and am quite intrigued as to how two of my favorite series of games will be combined.<br />
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The other game I felt like mentioning was Persona 5, another game by Atlus that also has very little information available. Persona 5's <a href="http://persona5.jp/">minimalist trailer</a> (The only kind they make these days, it would seem) consists of a bunch of chairs, appearing and being shackled, one by one. Then it says "You are a slave. Want emancipation?", like a dark, gritty reboot of the "Got Milk?" PSA campaign.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WpYKs-mzClA/U44fuRYZhvI/AAAAAAAAAWw/zxOVzfoVzIE/s1600/Got+milk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WpYKs-mzClA/U44fuRYZhvI/AAAAAAAAAWw/zxOVzfoVzIE/s1600/Got+milk.jpg" height="234" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Got Chairs?</td></tr>
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Googling "Got Milk?" reminded me of something unpleasantly serious that I'd like to talk about, and since I don't really have much to say about Persona 5, I guess I'll just go with it. So if you'll please ignore any implications that may spring up from the fact that I am transitioning from Persona 5 to discussion of Autism, I'd like to talk about PETA for a second. If you're wondering what PETA has to do with autism, and what any of this has to do with milk, then congratulations on being smarter than PETA. Because PETA recently claimed that <a href="http://www.peta.org/features/got-autism-learn-link-dairy-products-disease/">milk causes autism</a>. If you're laughing right now, it's because what you just read is goddamn hilarious. One of the funniest things I've ever written on my blog. I guarantee it. The idea that PETA would make such an absurd claim that is so tenuously connected to the "Ethical Treatment of Animals", for seemingly no other reason than to appear insane, is pure gold. Their source? Two studies, both more than a decade old. There are many reasons for the invalidity of this claim, and they are best left to <a href="http://time.com/2798480/peta-autism-got-milk/">people who know what they're talking about</a>, but I'd like to point out the quote "One study of 20 children". In a study of behavioral science, a sample size this small is about as reliable as saying "some guy on a bus once told me..." There are a lot of things you can do with 20 children, but statistically significant science is not one of them.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EuQLFOZ1wr0/U44nPwFxpYI/AAAAAAAAAXA/sRm7-B_B7O4/s1600/You+are+a+slave.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EuQLFOZ1wr0/U44nPwFxpYI/AAAAAAAAAXA/sRm7-B_B7O4/s1600/You+are+a+slave.png" height="178" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Remember when we were talking about this? Not that this has anything to do with what I just said. *ahem*</td></tr>
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Do I find this offensive? As someone with diagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder, (The disorder formerly known as Aspergers. But I prefer the term "autism spectre") yeah a little bit. But as a student of science? I find this <i>hugely</i> offensive. Did PETA really think that they could pull the wool over people's eyes with such flimsy evidence? With any luck, this will completely sunder whatever remained of PETA's credibility, and maybe the animal rights movement can be associated with an organization that isn't the most insidious propaganda machine since ███████████<br />
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Anyway. Sorry about <i>that</i>. Back to E3, I suppose. I don't really have ████ to say, but I █████ that 'd like an announcement of a new █████, a proper successor to █████ █████ Galaxy, rather than a ████ sequel.<br />
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Eh? ██████ ████ all about? Oh ████, it seems that ███████████ is on to me. I always knew ██ █████ ████ ██ ████. I have ██ ███████.<br />
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Mother██████Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-55831049316143297142014-05-23T07:40:00.000-07:002015-07-23T22:51:51.296-07:00Trans Sister"I used to have a brother, but ever since the operation, I have a transistor."<br />
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Now that you never want to hear another joke from me ever again, I'll now state that there is a very real chance that what follows will be an entirely serious review of Transistor, with little to no content of value.<br />
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So, what is Transistor? Well, the easiest way to describe it is by comparing it to Bastion. Transistor is the second game made by Supergiant Games, the brilliant minds behind Bastion, a game which I've <a href="http://havocmantis.blogspot.com/2014/01/top-pun-2013-games.html">briefly covered before</a>. In many ways, Transistor seems like a spiritual successor to Bastion. The combat is fairly similar, the way the story unfolds is familiar, and the world has all the same flair as Bastion. Now that my thesis statement's out of the way, I guess I'll expound on each of my points.<br />
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Transistor's combat is honestly probably the department in which it differs most from Bastion. When I heard about it, I thought "Well, you're probably only going to be able to wield the titular Transistor, so there probably isn't going to be as much customization as in Bastion". In Bastion, there were 12 different weapons, and you could equip any 2 of them at a time, leaving 65 possible combinations, not including all the possible special moves you can have. But I was wrong. <i>Math</i> wrong. In Bastion, the Transistor has different "functions" which are essentially different weapons. There are 15 of these functions, and you can wield up to 4 of them at a time, allowing an impressive total of 1365 different combinations. But that's just scratching the surface. Each function can also be used as an upgrade to your action functions, with each active function capable of holding up to 2 upgrades. And did I mention that functions can also passively boost your person, and you can have up to 4 of those? Each of these adjustments represents a potentially major shift in playstyle, far more than the special moves in Bastion. I can't get exact number on how many possible loadouts there are. Such a number can only be said to be "combinatorially large". And then, when you level up enough, you can get doubles of your functions, allowing you to use them in different slots at the same time, resulting in a number of possibilities that is barely even finite anymore. You could even say that it's "Supergiant".<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Lbw8fYihSk/U318h4cUpKI/AAAAAAAAAUA/Nj9dYBrphq8/s1600/SGLogo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9Lbw8fYihSk/U318h4cUpKI/AAAAAAAAAUA/Nj9dYBrphq8/s1600/SGLogo.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Does this even count as a joke?</td></tr>
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The combat itself is actually quite different from Bastion's. While Bastion focused on strategically blocking and dodging attacks, Transistor focuses on the turn() system, which allows you to freeze time, plan out your moves, and then execute them all at once in a manner rather similar to V.A.T.S. in the Fallout Series. This, combined with the vast customization options, lead to an experience that is somewhat more "strategic" than Bastion. This is really cool if you don't suck at it. I suck at it. This does not, however, prevent me from recognizing that it's really cool. When I'm in the groove, expertly executed plans are extremely satisfying. I <a href="http://havocmantis.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-few-of-my-favorite-things-video-games.html">mentioned awhile back</a> that one of the most memorable moments in my gaming career was when I realized that I could kill people by throwing them into scaffoldings in Assassin's Creed (I also rather humorously implied that I did the same in real life, but now that my name's here, I'd like to definitively clarify that that is not the case). Transistor is lousy with moments like this. The incredible versatility allows for a bunch of cool strategies that just make you think "Damn, I can really do that?" Like "Holy crap, I can charm and drain the life from my enemies, all while escaping from them? Just like my friends in real life!" And then, somewhere around halfway through your second playthrough, you find that one perfect combination that solves all your troubles, and you realize that Transistor's combat is fun as hell. I mean, metaphorically, of course.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nFK5Bzx5WoY/U39bJJ-BR6I/AAAAAAAAAV8/2Yy4ijHmGDM/s1600/Hell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="231" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nFK5Bzx5WoY/U39bJJ-BR6I/AAAAAAAAAV8/2Yy4ijHmGDM/s1600/Hell.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not actually that fun, if I'm being honest.</td></tr>
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Now, about the story. Well, for spoiler reasons, I don't want to talk about it too much. But I will say that it is pretty similar to Bastion's, perhaps even to a fault. I don't think that it had the same weight as Bastion, overall, but it definitely had plenty of Moments. Moments that made me think "Wow. This is what <i>art</i> is like". It's kind of hard to describe, so I'll give an example that I'm sure will do nothing to clarify from the Elfen Lied anime. *waits for boos and jeers to subside* *continues anyway, because we've been here for awhile* Elfen Lied opens with a naked chick breaking out of a high security lab by dismembering the hell out of everyone, interspersed with clips of a flustered intern running through the halls, unaware of the carnage that is taking place. Everything about her suggests that she's the klutzy main character. While she's on her way to deliver coffee to one of the bosses or whatever, she trips directly into the path of the naked chick. As the audience you are left to wonder how she's going to bumble her way out of this one. She doesn't. She is swiftly decapitated and used as a human shield, subverting your expectations just as viciously. I don't know why, but something about it just resonated with me. Maybe because I've had similar experiences before... is what I'd have said in the past, but I am now more reticent to imply that I've performed (or received) nude beheadings.<br />
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Anyway, there's not much else I can say about the story. I have a mind-blowing pet theory, but it involves some pretty major spoilers, so I can't talk about it too much. Suffice it to say, it involves Red, the protagonist, being the same person as Red, the protagonist of the 1st gen Pokemon games. They have the same name, and they're mute. That's reason enough for me.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dC7lLcyiv_M/U39c9wfpqBI/AAAAAAAAAWI/UX8ljKQtio4/s1600/Coincidence.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="204" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dC7lLcyiv_M/U39c9wfpqBI/AAAAAAAAAWI/UX8ljKQtio4/s1600/Coincidence.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Transistor is actually a Honedge. Or Vice Versa. But not <a href="http://skullgirls.wikia.com/wiki/Cerebella">Cerebella's Hat</a></td></tr>
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So, the world of Transistor. Let me be clear: this game is Compsci as all hell. It is a game made by computer people, for computer people. Everything takes place inside a computer, and it all- well, I mean, obviously it takes place inside a computer, because it's a computer game, but the actual setting for the game is a digital world. You know what I mean. And there are all kinds of references to computers, like the functions, which have names like "ping()" and "crash()", the fact that distances are measured in "blocks", and one of the first things said by the Transistor is "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hello_world_program">Hello World</a>". Like Caelondia before it, Cloudbank has just enough detail to keep you intrigued and wanting for more. It would seem that this is somehow more satisfying than a game that just tells you what the hell is going on.<br />
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I left it out of my thesis statement, but another important part of Transistor is the sound: the voice acting and music. The voice acting is easily the best of any game I've ever played, with the possible exception of Virtue's Last Reward. The narrator this time around doesn't have the same grittiness as Bastion's, but the few other voice actors more than make up for it. I believe that the gaming industry could be saved if we just let these people dub every video game. And if your video game has female characters, tough luck. They're only allowed to say one word at the end. Make it count.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bIS2BI87-oE/U32mmqjhP_I/AAAAAAAAAUg/uRIGTsOLlr0/s1600/Red+Transistor.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bIS2BI87-oE/U32mmqjhP_I/AAAAAAAAAUg/uRIGTsOLlr0/s1600/Red+Transistor.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hey"</td></tr>
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The music in Transistor is fantastic. In fact, you can go give it a listen on <a href="https://play.spotify.com/album/3vrhY9tG4lA8Z16LVGqok5">Spotify</a> right now. I might even go so far as to say that you should. Ashley Barrett is just as fantastic a singer as she was in Bastion, and she had even more songs showcasing her talent this time around. None of them quite measure up to "Build that Wall", but there are very few songs who can claim to do that. Maybe even none, because songs are abstract ideas that can't claim things. The instrumental background music is also pretty damn solid. All-in-all, I think it's a great soundtrack, but I think I prefer Bastion's. As of right now, at least. Given more time, it's entirely possible that I'll grow to like Transistor's more.</div>
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So what's the verdict on Transistor? Well, if we're comparing it to Bastion, I'd say that I still prefer Bastion. The combat clicked with me more, the story seems to have more direction, and "Build that Wall" is just way too good. But that's not to say that Transistor isn't a masterpiece, or even that it isn't better than Bastion. Just because I prefer it doesn't, necessarily mean I think it's better. I'm not so arrogant as to assume that any of my opinions are right.</div>
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Now the real question is this: Is Transistor worth $20? I'm not sure. I'm kind of spoiled by Steam Sales, so $20 is close to the biggest purchase I've ever made on Steam to date. And while Transistor was a fantastic game, it was also quite short; I finished it in about 8 hours, and others finished in 5 or 6. The deep combat system and additional recursion playthroughs add substantial replayability, but that all depends on how willing and able you are to put in the effort. I can understand why you'd be reluctant to shell out $20 for Transistor, but if you ever catch it on sale, I'd recommend picking it up. It may not have broken new ground the way Bastion did, but it is still definitely a major bullet point in the argument that games can be art.</div>
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Now that that's out of the way, it's time to address the elephant in the room. Yes, I changed my blog's template, because the old one looked like someone pooped on a poop, and then left that double-poop to stew in a food processor for a week or three, even though double-poops are about as far from "food" as you can get. And honestly, I'm not sure this new format is much better. It maybe looks like a single poop fresh from a Dutch oven fortnight. I might fix it later, but I certainly wouldn't count on it. </div>
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I've also changed some of the gadgets on the side of the page. I removed the pageview counter, because it made me sad to think that everyone saw how few people read my blog (Around 4000 at the time of writing). I also removed my short bio with the link to my G+ account, because there wasn't anything to see there, and it made me <i>really</i> sad to think that everyone could see how many more people apparently read my barren G+ account (Around <a href="https://plus.google.com/102324099419388923527/posts">11,000</a> at the time of writing, allegedly). The bio contained a pretty neat joke, so I guess I'll record it here for posterity. </div>
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"I write a blog where I try to say funny things. I also write poetry, which is put on a different blog. I might write fiction, depending on how some things work out. Despite all this, I consider myself more of a hard science man. Though, to be clear, the adjective 'hard' was describing the noun 'science' in that case."</div>
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In their place, I now have a widget that shows my Twitter feed, and a link to some of my blog buddies. I like to think I'm a pretty funny guy on Twitter, but then again, I also like to think I'm a pretty funny guy on this blog, so your mileage may vary. When it comes to Twitter, I have even fewer standards about how appropriate my jokes are, so expect this blog to lose its F-word virginity pretty soon after this post goes live. There's also some news with regards to my blog buddies. Payton Knobeloch, previously of "Loner and Friends", has a new blog on Wordpress, <a href="http://knobbles.wordpress.com/">Knobbles</a>, which sounds kind of like something dirty, but definitely probably isn't. Maybe. He lists my blog as a blog that he follows, so you should check it out. I also have a new blog buddy, <a href="http://acollegegentleman.wordpress.com/about/">Tim Eads</a>, whose blog is, as far as I can tell, basically Mulan's "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ_yb8YMJXM">I'll make a Man out of You</a>" in text form. If that blatantly misleading synopsis won't convince you to check it out, I don't know what will. Then there's Alicen Moser's "<a href="http://alicenmoser.blogspot.com/">Lessons in Unnecessary Enthusiasm (!!)</a>", and my <a href="http://havocmantispoetry.blogspot.com/">poetry blog</a>, neither of which have changed.<br />
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I've kind of forgotten how I end these posts, so enjoy this Dinosaur Comic I wrote. For necessary context, click <a href="http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2076">here</a> and <a href="http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2236">here</a>.<br />
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NOTE: I tweeted this and it was favorited by Dinosaur Comics author Ryan North, so I think that makes it Expanded Universe</div>
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Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-58261892313042224322014-05-07T21:00:00.002-07:002014-08-04T22:10:25.880-07:00Letters are the New Colors<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My schedule for updating my blog is pretty ill-defined. I basically just write whenever I feel like it, or, more importantly, whenever I don't feel like doing something more productive (Hello, final exams!) But there is one rule to which I always adhere: if a new Pokemon game is announced, that gets my immediate attention (Goodbye, final exams!) And as luck would have it, Gamefreak just announced the existence of the long anticipated 3rd gen remakes: Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby. That's right, X and Y weren't a one-off thing. Letters are the new standard for Pokemon titles. So keep an eye out for 7th gen Pokemon で and Pokemon す, coming out in just a few years.</div>
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So, what all was revealed, other than the name? Well, naturally, a release time was given. An exact date wasn't specified, but it's supposed to hit the shelves some time in November of this year. It's not too surprising that they'd try to time it to coincide with the winter shopping rush. They also announced that they believe that Word Art constitutes a trailer. Seriously, take a gander at this “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywGSON9tNq0">trailer</a>”. Don't worry, it's only 30 seconds, so it won't take up much of your time.</div>
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Did I mention that this announcement caused the internet to burst like an overhype tomato? Or, at least, the parts of Twitter that I frequent. And while it probably isn't very scientifically rigorous of me to use Twitter trending topics as evidence, the fact remains that at least 3 of them have been about this announcement for awhile. So my question is this: why? Why are people so excited about this? Because it confirmed that 3rd gen remakes are on their way? Were there really people who thought that they weren't? Gamefreak's been dropping hints about them for awhile now, and it would be completely irrational of them to not milk this cash cow. Speaking of which, did you know that there's been a new Pokemon game released every year since 2009? (In the US, at least. Platinum, Heartgold/Soulsilver, Black/White, Black2/White2, X/Y) It really shouldn't come as any kind of surprise that the 3rd gen remakes are happening now. Is it because of the names? While I admit that Alpha and Omega are kind of cool, that's mostly because of my pet theory that there exists (or should exist) an “Omega Pokemon”, a counterpart to Arceus, the Alpha Pokemon, that will destroy the world. Though it's supremely unlikely that they'll add new Pokemon in a remake, so this'll probably put a nail in the coffin of that idea, if anything. And I don't suppose that the majority of the internet is getting more excited over Greek letters than a math/physics major. </div>
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So what else is there? The box art? If you watch the trailer, which I highly recommend, then you'll see that that's really the only other information. Spoiler Alert, there's Kyogre and Groudon, in slightly altered forms that are likely Mega-Evolutions (Which is a terrible idea, by the way). This lack of information has caused people to panic, analyzing every word and comparing the wording to past Pokemon reveals. “Why, they call it a 'reimagining', and a 'brand new world'! That must mean that it'll be more of a sequel, like Black and White 2, than a remake!” This seems to be the idea that people are having. While I admit that it's possible, a “reimagining” actually sounds to me like they are very much remaking the game, rather than making a sequel. And even if it is a new story, “brand new world” is just fluff. Unless it actually takes place outside of Hoenn, in which case why even bother calling it Ruby and Sapphire? And if it really is a brand new adventure, why don't they just come out and say that? Because people would get too hype? Well, there's a saying in marketing, that goes “There's no such thing as bad publicity, especially when it's good publicity.” The fact that they have nothing to say about it other than “it exists” is not very encouraging.</div>
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Let's take a step back and compare this to the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNr6wQfNfK4">X/Y announcement</a> about a year ago. Notice any differences? Actually, don't answer that question. I don't want to be held responsible if your brain suffers an overflow error. Basically, the primary difference is that the X/Y one doesn't look like the last minute project of a computer design undergrad who got in on a legacy scholarship that the school board is starting to regret. I don't even know if that skillfully crafted analogy can properly convey the scope of this travesty. This “trailer” is bad. Like, poop in your underpants while you're wearing it bad. Yes. <i>That</i> bad. Now, I understand that Pokemon α/ω will likely have the same graphics as X/Y, so there's not much point in showcasing them. But, at the same time, when you're cashing in on nostalgia, it wouldn't hurt to show revamped versions of familiar locales. Hell, even X/Y managed to do that better by showing a brief glimpse of the Eiffel Tower, and no one had even played that game yet. Also, towering pillars of flame. Those were conspicuously absent from the new trailer.</div>
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So why did they even bother making this announcement now if they didn't even have anything notable to say? Well, I'm not accusing Nintendo of making this announcement to distract everyone from the fact that they <a href="http://kotaku.com/nintendo-reports-a-loss-of-457-million-3ds-and-wii-u-1572841102">shit the bed financially</a>. I'm just saying that, to an impartial, outside observer, it looks <i>exactly</i> like they did that. Except that, if that was really how it went down, you'd think they could at least done a little premeditating. I certainly hope that the Nintendo executives didn't just yesterday realize that they've been hemorrhaging money like a hemophiliac King Midas. So perhaps this conspiracy can be debunked with the argument that if it had really been planned out in advance to distract us, then maybe it wouldn't have sucked so much. Then again, no one else really seems to mind, so I guess it served its purpose.</div>
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I feel like I've been asking a lot of questions in this post, but there's one that bugs me more than any other. Why am I so angry about this? I feel like it wasn't too long ago that I would have been ecstatic about a 3rd gen remake. Has X/Y made me jaded and bitter? Is this Skullgirls' fault? Why am I fixating so much on this “trailer”? I don't really know the answers to any of these questions, but I think that hype backlash plays a vital role. When the announcement hit, people went nuts. Everyone was getting so excited over a title, a release date, and two sentences of filler, and... I guess I envied them. I was jealous of how they could get so excited over so little. Perhaps I was like that once. And seeing them, hearts filled with joy, reminded me of those times, and how things have changed. The intense heat and pressure of their hype transformed my black heart into a shining diamond of hate.</div>
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So, will I buy one of these games? Probably. Will I stop asking rhetorical questions? Hopefully. But I like to imagine that Gamefreak called it “Omega Ruby” because it's the last Pokemon game I'll ever play.</div>
Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-65623932729010514712014-05-01T12:11:00.002-07:002014-08-04T22:23:29.255-07:00An Ill-conceived NotionSkullgirls is a lot like anime, in that I will never forgive it. Skullgirls, for rendering me incapable of enjoying games that aren't Skullgirls, and anime, for giving me the capacity for sadness. Did you know that I felt an emotion for the first time while watching anime? But that's a story for Another post.<br />
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There is, however, one genre that seems to be exempt from the ruination that Skullgirls has brought on my enjoyment of games: Role-playing games. Specifically, Japanese Role-playing games. So I will now discuss a few of the JRPGs I've played recently: Bravely Default, Shin Megami Tensei Devil Survivor: Overclocked, and Conception II. Oh yeah, by the way, RPGs have some pretty strange titles. But don't worry; Conception II is actually exactly as bad as it sounds.<br />
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So, first of all: Bravely Default. <i>Bravely Default</i>. Yo. If Smash Bros. wasn't coming out later this year, I could probably declare Bravely Default Game of the Year with no regrets. Bravely Default is my favorite JRPG of all time, just barely edging out SMT IV. Like Shin Megami Tensei, it has just about everything you could want from an RPG: Fun combat, a compelling story, a variety of options when customizing your party, bravo bikinis, ect. While Bravely Default lacks SMT's worldbuilding and the unique thrill that comes with recognizing demons, it more than makes up for it with its characters, killer soundtrack, and the most memorable final boss fight of my entire life. But before I get to those, I guess I should probably explain why it's called Bravely Default. Square Enix is stupid and bad at names. End of explanation.<br />
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Much like Frozen, Bravely Default is a great work in and of itself, and I'm probably going to be doing it a disservice by focusing so much on its soundtrack. That said, its soundtrack is sweetdiculous. It is K-rad. It is Fashionaaaaaaabluh. It is actually pretty sparse, with just 45 songs, especially considering how long the game is (The amount of time I spent playing it is somewhere between 100 hours and the amount of time I've spent playing Skullgirls [counting the endless beta]). To make up for this, almost every song is a masterpiece. It's hard to pick a favorite out of such an all-star lineup, but I think I'd have to go with the song that plays against the final boss. With music like that, staying pumped up through an hour long boss fight with more stages than Saturn V rocket is a snap. Unfortunately, its title is something of a mild spoiler, so I'll just link to this hour long <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpZV1_r2nyo">live concert</a> of music from the game. But before you click that link, be warned: this is no mere concert. It is a spectacle. You've got a rock band up front, a platoon of suit-and-tie men in the back, half a dozen singers, props, a man rocking a trumpet with<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXjHLNJzWrc"> blistering precision and surgical intensity</a>, and a narrator with the voice of James Earl Jones, if he was injured as a cop in the line of duty and had to be re-built as a literal instrument of justice.<br />
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I really wish I could talk more about Bravely Default, but, as you're about to see, I have a lot of things to say about Conception II, and I don't want this going too long. Honestly, it's already too long; when you read it, I imagine you will exclaim something to the effect of “Jesus God, this man clearly has issues if he has both the ability and willingness to discuss magical sex at such great lengths.”<br />
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Speaking of God, he's a very prominent character in the next game I'm talking about, SMT Devil Survivor Overclocked. I think that's how that transition went? I lost this part the first time I wrote it when I tried to upload a picture to my blog from public transportation.<br />
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Anyway, God. And not just “a god”, or “some gods” (Although there are plenty of those), but “<i>The</i> God”, as in Yehowah, the Original G, deity of Judeo-Christian Lore. While SMT IV's God was strongly implied to be the biblical God, Devil Survivor pulls out all the stops. He's even called “Yehowah”, which my spell-check controversially believes to be "hogwash". But the similarities don't stop with names. This game is rife with biblical references, and God is responsible for all of them. Many classic tales from the Bible show up in the story: Things like Noah's Ark, The Tower of Babel, The Garden of Eden, King Solomon, Cain and Abel, The Book of Job, and the weird parts parts of The Bible where it tells you when it's OK to sell your daughter into slavery.<br />
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In the interest of avoiding spoilers, some of those examples were red herrings. Not all of those stories appear in the game, but some of them do. In the interest of fostering an understanding of how rad this game is, spoilers be damned, I will say this: In this game, you can use the power of the Internet Hate Machine to annihilate the Old Testament God. Now, I didn't get that ending, so I can't say for sure that you actually do it, but the idea is brought up. I really don't know that there's anything else I can say here to sell you on this game, so I'll just move on.<br />
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Conception II. <i>Conception II. Yo</i>. But not “Yo” in quite the same way as with Bravely Default. More like “Yo. I have seen some things. I have <i>done</i> some things. I... I just need to tell someone about this. Is this what it feels like to be Catholic?”<br />
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In keeping with the theological theme, Conception II is kind of like God. It so far transcends the understanding of humans that the nature of its existence cannot be expressed in words. The tool of analogy can be used to further understanding of it, but it must be understood that these analogies are necessarily imperfect, as full comprehension is simply outside the realm of possibility. Are we on the same page so far? No? Good.<br />
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Conception II is a game in which you father children that help you fight to save the world. This description might sound familiar, because the very same thing happens in Fire Emblem Awakening, one of my favorite games of all time. But there are many important differences between the two. In Conception II, the main character maintains a sizable harem of 7 classmates with whom he is all but required to have children. Excuse me, that's not quite right. 6 classmates and 1 teacher. But don't let that trick you into thinking that there's one less underage girl you'll be knocking up; the teacher is a prodigy who graduated college at 14, and is the same age as everyone else i.e. 16-18. If you're wondering how I came to be in possession of such an obviously illegal piece of software, and why I'm posting about it to my newly de-anonymized blog, I should probably clarify: No one in this game has sex. At least, not as far as I've gotten. In fact, you don't have real children. You have “star children”, by performing a holy ritual known as “classmating”. As an aside, I just want you to imagine what kind of church official discovered the secret to creating life out of nothing, and then decided to call it “classmating”. The process of “classmating” consists of little more than holding hands. Then, the male puts his “Ether” in her “star womb”, which forms a “Matryoshka”. Then, a prayer is offered to “Mother Russia”, and a Star Child is born! It's OK. No underaged persons were sexed in the making of this game. Contrast to Fire Emblem Awakening, where the children are produced, at least implicitly, through sexual intercourse. Only once is the subject of creating children through magic brought up, and even then, the guy says something along the lines of “Maybe you could help me with research, <i>if you know what I mean</i>”. This is what makes it so ironic that Conception II is far more lewd, despite not having actual sex.<br />
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Maybe it's the fact that Classmating is explicitly referenced and showed onscreen, with girls writhing around all magical girl naked. I hope it is understood what i meant by that phrase I just made up, because I have no desire to explain it any further. I mean, I'm a huge fan of Skullgirls, so it can hardly be argued that I'm a prude when it comes to sexualization in my games. That said, one of the girls' magical girl outfits (And the teacher, no less) has underboob that puts even Ms Fortune to shame.<br />
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If it seems like I've been bringing up Skullgirls even more than usual, it may be because the new character Big Band was just recently released. So if you've ever considered buying it, now would be a great time do so. If you haven't considered buying it, now would be a great time to start.<br />
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Another comparison that I feel can be instructive is that between Conception II and Katawa Shoujo. You know, that thing that I've brought up twice since I said that I'd stop bringing it up. The two are rather similar in that they both have premises that, at first blush, are embarrassing to even think about. If anything, Katawa Shoujo's might be even worse. For those of you lucky enough to forget what it is, Katawa Shoujo is a visual novel made by people on 4chan, a place generally agreed upon to be one of the worst on the internet, about hooking up with crippled girls. Each girl has a different disability. There's one without arms, one without legs, one's deaf, one's blind, and one's covered in burns. But the difference between KS and Conception is that KS surprises you. With a description like that, you might start KS expecting a trashy, exploitative visual novel that makes light of people with disabilities. But that's not the case at all. It's about the kind of high school relationships that everyone can relate too. Er, well, I imagine everyone else can relate to. The disabilities are in no way the main focus of each girl. That's not to say that they're just “informed disabilities” that have no effect on the story, but they are not the driving force. In the end, persons with disabilities are just persons. Girls are persons. And you're a person, aren't you? So, by the law of syllogism, you are now disabled. And a girl, too. Yikes, today really isn't your day.<br />
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Now that I've thrown away the entire message of that paragraph in one joke, let's contrast that with Conception II, which has no surprises, at least as far as I've gotten. Granted, I haven't gotten terribly far, so there's every possibility that in the endgame there will be a “This is why you're actually terrible!” moment. In fact, I am very much hoping for such a moment. But, as it stands, it's just about as bad as it sounds. Playing this game has cost me every feminism point that I won from Analogue, and then some. The girls exist solely to serve the main character, who is actually, seriously referred to as “God's Gift”. The characters are, for the most part, one dimensional, and have the aggregate self esteem of a blog writer who can't come up with a funny metaphor to put here. That said, it's not as if I didn't care about them at all. They're all well-worn tropes, but they have a certain charm to them, and they're all desperate enough that you feel bad any time you favor one at the expense of the others. And due to what I suspect may be a flipped inequality in the game's code, (Remember, coders, it's like an alligator that wants to eat the larger number) they'll only complain about not going adventuring with you enough right after you've finished adventuring with them. I've probably spent about as much time agonizing over who to spend time with as I did actually playing the game. Really, your ability to enjoy Conception II is limited only by your own capacity for self-loathing.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6nOO_yrxuV0/U2KZxC1PqlI/AAAAAAAAAS8/C7va-_BEeTo/s1600/Jontron.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6nOO_yrxuV0/U2KZxC1PqlI/AAAAAAAAAS8/C7va-_BEeTo/s1600/Jontron.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6MIlJYiJUs&t=10m13s">Ten out of ten. Hundred out of hundred. Best game</a></td></tr>
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Another problem with the family dynamic in Conception is the children. In Fire Emblem, each child is a full-fledged character, like any of your other units. In fact, I think it's fair to say that the children are some of the most likable characters in the game. Star Children, on the other hand, come with no emotional investment. And it's made perfectly clear that these aren't emotionless golems who exist only to fight monsters. While not human, they do exhibit capacity for feeling every time they say “I love you so much, daddy”. This makes me feel kind of uncomfortable, because they are utterly disposable to me. There are probably demons in SMT that I've felt more attached to than these kids.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pic unrelated</td></tr>
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They're kind of like Pokemon. Yeah, there are a few that you keep around because they're good, but if they aren't useful to you, then you let them languish in your computer until you decide to release them. And while I know that I have neither time nor space to waste, I'd like to mention that I think that Pokemon also kind of suffers from this. Sure, Pokemon Black and White, they say how all trainers really love the Pokemon that they're forcing to fight each other, but do they really? Is it really right for all those trainers to abduct Pokemon and stash them in a digital abyss where they'll never see their families again? Because that seems pretty- wait a second. That's... that's not something most people do. Most trainers only have 3 or 4 Pokemon. The only one who hoards them like that... is you. Is <i>us</i>. Only the player character has that many Pokemon. We're the <i>real</i> Pocket Monsters.<br />
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Anyway. Conception does have a certain charm in its dialogue and ballsy premise, but overall, it lacks the depth to really be engaging. This concludes my post about all the dating sims I've been playing recently.<br />
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Wait a second. That's not right. It was RPGs! That's right. I was so caught up with all the child having that I kind of forgot about all the fighting and stuff. It was only possible for me to do that because I'm good at forgetting things. In reality, this is one of the most role-playing games I've ever played. Your party consists of 1 hero, 7 different heroines, and up to 70 Star Children. When going into dungeons, you bring 1 heroine and 9 children, split up into teams of three, so that you still have the standard 4 units, but it's still a lot of bodies to train, equip, and so on. The combat system is pretty interesting in the way that you have to position your units as you attack, but it's damn complicated. There are a lot of meters, menus, and mammaries to wade through, and they can be pretty clunky at times, with confusing explanation that I skipped through. The story is nothing incredible so far, and is set up in such a way that the player can progress on his own terms. This is problematic, because my terms suck. Sweetdiculous? K-rad? Fashionaaaaaaaabluh? Those aren't my terms. I stole them from these games. My terms are stupid, like "exfightment" of "juicebumps". So I spend hours inefficiently grinding with heroines I don't intend to use, rather than actually playing the game. There was nowhere else in this post to fit this image, but I wanted to make the joke, so here it is.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4Q34VJWkeAo/U2KbQpS1-XI/AAAAAAAAATQ/pmMFFoadZ1M/s1600/Ellie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4Q34VJWkeAo/U2KbQpS1-XI/AAAAAAAAATQ/pmMFFoadZ1M/s1600/Ellie.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Girl, are you a Jukebox hero? Because you, er, have stars in your eyes.</td></tr>
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All in all, Conception II is by no means a good game, but it's not too bad. <span style="color: red;">(WARNING FROM THE FUTURE: Conception II is, in fact, too bad)</span> If you would enjoy playing it, then you probably already have it. There's no real need for me to recommend it. But in the time since I started writing this, I've come to like it in a way that only barely resembles the symptoms of pop culture Stockholm Syndrome. I have won the victory over myself. I love Conception II.<br />
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Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-2568133672095315172014-04-21T10:42:00.001-07:002014-08-04T22:30:52.120-07:00Kerfuffle I'm sure you don't need me to tell you to get hype for the new Super Smash Brothers. Telling someone to be excited for Super Smash Brothers is like telling fish to swim, or birds to fly, or the Secret Service to be kind of uneasy about how many pictures of the president I downloaded in one sitting. You're “preaching to the choir”, as it were. Yet, as was made painfully apparent with my previous post, I will desperately latch onto anything that I can make a joke out of, so here I am. Just recently (IT WAS RECENT WHEN I STARTED THIS, OK?), an entire <a href="http://www.nintendo.com/nintendo-direct/04-08-2014/#/video-ndirect">Nintendo Direct</a> was devoted to the upcoming Super Smash Brothers, and a lot of juicy details came to light. I really recommend that you watch it. There were a lot of little things to catch, such that if I attempted to record them all here, I'd end up with a humorless list of things someone else said; if I wanted to write that, I'd work for Buzzfeed. Hey-o! (A note to Buzzfeed: Please do not take this to mean that I value dignity or professional integrity more than money. If given the chance, I would gladly work for Buzzfeed for literally any positive, real amount of money.)<br />
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Usually, when it comes to Super Smash Bros. news, it's all about the fighters. Reveals of new fighters, and to a lesser extent, confirmations of returning fighters, are the big announcements that everyone looks forward to. But in this case, I think that the biggest reveal may have been the one pertaining to the game's release date. Or perhaps it would be more appropriate to say “the games' release dates”. For you see, the biggest announcement was the fact that the two versions of the game, Super Smash Bros. for 3DS and Super Smash Bros. for Wii U, will not be released at the same time. In a marketing move that gaming historians will likely remember as either unusually clever or impossibly stupid, Nintendo has decided to release the 3DS version first, this summer, with the Wii U version coming out in the Winter. Nintendo's official reason for doing this? Well, there isn't one, really. Sakurai just kind of says that they want to take their time to make sure the game is as great as it can possibly be. Since the 3DS version is being released earlier, this kind of implies that the Wii U version will be superior, which may have been their intention all along.<br />
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So, other than the release date, what else will be different between the two games? Well it seems that Sakurai caught wind of my suspicion that the two games would have different characters, because he confirms that both games will share the same roster. Stages, on the other hand are a completely different story. From the way he tells it, the two games will have completely different stages, only sharing series mainstays like Battlefield and Final Destination. Speaking of Final Destination, every stage now has a “Final Destination” form, which is perfectly flat and devoid of any platforms or obstacles, perfect for competitive players and “stop having fun” guys. This is to accommodate online play, which is separated into “For Fun”, which has all the stages and items that make Smash Bros. enjoyable, and “For Glory”, which has all the Final Destination all the not items that make Smash Bros. Serious business. Just like in those funny memes you may have heard so much about.<br />
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Since this isn't an actual paper that I'm turning in to my university Super Smash Bros. class, I don't have to give a shit about transitions. But since it <i>is</i> on my blog, it has to include at least one Skullgirls reference. "Rosalina is basically like Ms Fortune, except she doesn't utilize underboob. At least, not that we know of. *hopes fervently*" Sakurai also announced that characters who “change formes” in mid-battle will no longer be a thing. Characters who used to do this, like Samus & Zero Suit Samus, and Zelda & Sheik, have been separated into different characters. Pokemon trainer has been disbanded, and it's incredibly likely that only Charizard remains, as he was the only one announced, and if they kept Ivysaur and Squirtle, there would be way too many Pokemon. In fact, with the number of Pokemon fighters currently announced at the standard cap of 4, it seems entirely possible that the classic veteran Jigglypuff won't make it. Which, honestly, makes perfect sense. To me, it's a mystery why Jigglypuff was even included in the first game to begin with, and why we all subsequently went along with it, on par with the age old question of how everyone knows that they're called “Ewoks” when the word is never said in Return of the Jedi.<br />
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Anyway, it seems that if Jigglypuff is not returning, then his replacement is to be Greninja. That's right, a starter from the newest generation. Honestly, I'm not sure that's much better than a nobody like Jigglypuff. At least, that was what I though when I first heard about him. But, much like the Wii Fit trainer (who is apparently also a guy sometimes?) and the Villager before him, I changed my mind right quick when I saw <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgmC56ndgeg">his trailer</a>. It was, for lack of a better word, hype as all hell. And I apologize if I use the word “hype” too much when referring to Smash Bros, but it would take a feat of Shakespearean ingenuity to come up with a word better suited to the feeling I get when I watch Smash Bros. videos. It's kind of like the goosebumps that you get when you listen to a beautiful piece of music. This lead me to try to think of some kind of pun involving “goosebumps”, but I had to pull out the emergency brakes on the ol' train of thought as soon as I pulled up at “juicebumps” station. I'll have to make a transfer to to a different line. Let's see... I'm getting excited for a fighting game. Exfightment? That might work if it weren't awful. Manticipation? I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean, but it sounds like “mantissa pation”, which could be a math joke. Must investigate further.<br />
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Alright, it's time to stop pretending that there's anyone reading this who doesn't already know about the Nintendo Direct that happened two weeks ago. But I'll keep pretending that there's anyone reading this at all, because the truth can be scary sometimes. If you really want to learn all the things that were shown, just watch the video I linked at the beginning. It's fairly long, but I promise that it's worth your time. Certainly more worth your time than reading any part of this post after the one about me making the Secret Service uneasy.<br />
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Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-79213029653161477572014-04-11T06:14:00.000-07:002015-08-25T11:01:58.108-07:00Wham EpisodeHave you ever been so out of things to say that you just started giving out personal information? No? Well, you should try it some time; your social security number can make a really effective icebreaker. Not that I have one of those. I'm so awkward, the government gave me an <i>anti</i>social security number.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110401181117/fairlyoddparents/en/images/3/3d/FoolsDayOut227.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110401181117/fairlyoddparents/en/images/3/3d/FoolsDayOut227.png" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for The Government!</td></tr>
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But because I absolutely cannot think of anything else to make a post about, I've decided to divulge the most dangerous secret in the universe i.e. my name, in the hopes that it would give me something to talk about. And I'd say it's working so far. Remember that line about the antisocial security number? That was gold.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8wSGgtkO84A/U0d86-T6PPI/AAAAAAAAAQA/7AEstNIaLzo/s1600/Obama+upset.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8wSGgtkO84A/U0d86-T6PPI/AAAAAAAAAQA/7AEstNIaLzo/s1600/Obama+upset.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: start;">Actually, <b>[REDACTED]</b>, <i>anti</i>social security numbers are a very real thing, and the government doesn't like it when you steal our jokes<span style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: small;">.</span></span></td></tr>
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Oh, crap. Thanks, <i>Obama</i>. I was probably going to make a big deal out of the mystery, to let the readers savor the anticipation, and you just come right out and say it. That's no way to handle a big reveal. Where's your sense of suspense?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PA3jX__mjts/U0d9gPQm90I/AAAAAAAAAQI/xRzv6hdf8fI/s1600/Obama+laughing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PA3jX__mjts/U0d9gPQm90I/AAAAAAAAAQI/xRzv6hdf8fI/s1600/Obama+laughing.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I "sense" that I may have to "suspend" your rights as a US citizen.</td></tr>
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OK man, be cool! We're all friends here. I don't want no trouble. And before I start making jokes that would be incredibly unwise to associate with my name, (as it turns out, the government takes threats to the president <a href="http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-comedy-article-got-me-placed-no-fly-list/">very seriously</a>) I think I'd better hang up, Mr. Obama.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think that might be the wisest course of action, Mr. <b>[REDACTED]</b></td></tr>
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Anyway, it is indeed as the president said. That's my name, and you can feel free to wear it out, since it's covered by a rather hefty name insurance policy. See, since I no longer have the veil of anonymity to protect me, I am forced to be creative when it comes to the fictional crimes I conspire to commit on this blog. While before I might have spoken of murder or high treason, now I must make up absurd crimes like name insurance fraud.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZrdQ1BuDRKw/U0d-HmqZZJI/AAAAAAAAAQY/HPz8mxEupo0/s1600/Obama+Angry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZrdQ1BuDRKw/U0d-HmqZZJI/AAAAAAAAAQY/HPz8mxEupo0/s1600/Obama+Angry.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll have you know that name insurance fraud is a serious issue facing this great nation, one that I would have you not make light of.</td></tr>
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OK, really? Has the US government mastered mind control abilities and used them to allow Obama to ghost-write my blog, or am I just deranged? I'm not one to end my sentences with prepositions, so I'm inclined to lean towards the former.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EKAGe7prp8M/U0d-riJJdFI/AAAAAAAAAQg/BR9p_3S0UvQ/s1600/Obama+again.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EKAGe7prp8M/U0d-riJJdFI/AAAAAAAAAQg/BR9p_3S0UvQ/s1600/Obama+again.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The rule against ending sentences with prepositions is a myth. In this great country, we're free to end sentences with any word we want.</td></tr>
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Yeah, well it's called a <i>pre</i>position for a reason. If I wanted it at the end of my sentence, I'd call it a <i>post</i>postion. Besides, I recognize that it's a meaningless rule, but I am of the opinion that the more difficult my writing is to understand, the more smart it makes me sound. Because avoiding ending sentences with prepositions often makes writing difficult to understand, it makes me sound smarter. Uh, ostensibly.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-C1ciAW7bN_s/U0eAKqUwvAI/AAAAAAAAAQo/Z_mC6hlis7E/s1600/Obama+please+dont+put+me+on+some+kind+of+list.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-C1ciAW7bN_s/U0eAKqUwvAI/AAAAAAAAAQo/Z_mC6hlis7E/s1600/Obama+please+dont+put+me+on+some+kind+of+list.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weren't you in the middle of making some kind of announcement?</td></tr>
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Huh? Uh... maybe? I don't care about that anymore, though. This is more important. I need to know whether or not I'm actually talking to the president right now. So I'll ask you a question that only the real president would know. So... uh... like, what do you do in government?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4sstKU7MlwI/U0eAcwQtKBI/AAAAAAAAAQw/n4lkblR9SL4/s1600/Obama+this+is+the+last+one+I+swear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4sstKU7MlwI/U0eAcwQtKBI/AAAAAAAAAQw/n4lkblR9SL4/s1600/Obama+this+is+the+last+one+I+swear.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Well you see, this great nation is governed by three branches of government, maintained by a system of checks and balances that-</td></tr>
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Uh, sorry to interrupt you there, but it seems like these captions are getting a little crowded, so I thought I might invite you to the body of the post, where paragraphs and stuff happen.<br />
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Obama: Thank you very much, Mr. <b>[REDACTED]</b>. It is much more comfortable out here than it is in those stuffy captions. As I was saying before, the way that federal government is arranged is nearly identical to how the mind works according to Freudian Psychology, with the three branches of government analogous to the Id, the Ego, and the Superego. As president, I am the Ego, and I mediate between the Democrats and the Republicans, who are like the Id and Superego, disrespectively. I spend most of my time in Congress, where they debate about whether America is a democracy or republic. I've tried to get them to agree to “Democratic Republic” on several occasions but you know how politicians can be.<br />
<br />
Me: I... see. Well, that sounds like the kind of description of government that could only come from someone with a profound apathy towards politics. I'm... not being mind controlled by Barack Obama, am I? I guess this means I am deranged.<br />
<br />
Obama: Of course you're not being mind controlled by Barack Obama. The government is far too busy using its mind control powers to ensure that you're unprepared for your physics exams to waste any time with such trifling matters. You really are more deranged than a... hold on a second, let me look up the mathematical definition of “derangement” on Wikipedia...<br />
<br />
Me: In combinatorial mathematics, a derangement is a permutation of the elements of a set such that none of the elements appear in their original position. So I guess more deranged than that?<br />
<br />
Obama: More deranged that a permutation of elements such that-- oh, you already made the joke.<br />
<br />
Me: Yeah, man. Who doesn't know the mathematical definition of derangement off the top of their head?<br />
<br />
Obama: Please, don't bullshit me. That's a word for word copy paste job from the Wikipedia page on derangement.<br />
<br />
Me: Yeah, man. I just happen to have the definition memorized word for word. Combinatorial mathematics is something that I am very familiar with.<br />
<br />
Obama: Is hypocrisy something else with which you are familiar? Because you just ended a sentence with a preposition, shitlord.<br />
<br />
Me: OK, you know what? I've just discovered that my aversion to putting words in the mouths of dead men also extends to living men, especially when those words are "shitlord".<br />
<br />
Obama: You want to say that to my face, bitch, and not on the internet? I'll have you know that, as President, I have access to the raddest battle mech money can buy, and I will not hesitate to use it to turn your life into fire.<br />
<br />
Me: Wait, what? I thought that you weren't Barack Obama mind controlling me. I was under the impression that this was a borderline schizophrenic conversation I was having with myself. Who are you?<br />
<br />
???: Your impression is correct, for the most part, but I'm not sure what has you so confused. Oh yeah, that's right, I forgot you've never played Persona. Wow, what a sad and unfulfilling life you must lead. Then again, I already knew that.<br />
<br />
Me: So... does that mean that you're my Shadow? A manifestation of my darkest thoughts and repressed desires?<br />
<br />
???: Indeed. I am thou... and thou art I. You may call me... Dirac Obama! President of Physics!<br />
<br />
Me: No! That's impossible! There's no way that you're m- actually, that sounds like exactly the kind of stupid joke that I'd make.<br />
<br />
Dirac: Yes. And now that I've been given form, I will reveal the true nature of Havoc Mantis to all! Or should I say... <b>[REDACTED]</b>?<br />
<br />
Me: I... I don't understand. What do you plan to do?<br />
<br />
Dirac: You know that <a href="https://twitter.com/HavocMantis">Twitter account</a> that you maintain, where you post the stupidest, lewdest, most shameful things, only because you know that no one will read them?<br />
<br />
Me: Ummmm... kind of. Is it really that bad?<br />
<br />
Dirac: Remember “Chode to Joy”? “Baskin Throbbins”?<br />
<br />
Me: Heh. Those were pretty good.<br />
<br />
Dirac: What about Smegma-man?<br />
<br />
Me: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO<br />
<br />
<br />
*Disclaimer: None of the opinions expressed above are meant to be reflections of current president Barack Obama. I bet that he's probably never said the word "shitlord" in his life, and he may not even know that it's a word, and that's why he's the president.Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-564825917218563142014-04-01T06:16:00.001-07:002014-04-07T19:18:30.375-07:00Seek a Way Out!<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Zero Escape 3 is currently on indefinite hiatus. I know, if this were some kind of April Fool's joke, it wouldn't be funny, but unfortunately it isn't. I'm being so sincere right now. In fact, it's old news at this point, but it wasn't way back when I started writing this. This post has almost certainly taken me longer to write than any other, mostly because every time I think about the possibility that there won't be a Zero Escape 3, I get so emotional that I have to lie down and cry for a bit. Luckily, I do most of my writing on public transportation, where this kind of thing isn't out of the ordinary. I've shed enough tears over this to fill an Olympic swimming pool, and it still wouldn't be as salty as I am about this whole ordeal.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oo7D4euHmpQ/Uzq5B3fMMwI/AAAAAAAAAPQ/RhZodw1CUN8/s1600/Such+Salt.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oo7D4euHmpQ/Uzq5B3fMMwI/AAAAAAAAAPQ/RhZodw1CUN8/s1600/Such+Salt.PNG" height="320" width="93" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Salty enough to kill a man</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
The reason for this halt in production is that the world is a fundamentally unjust place, and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gottfried_Wilhelm_Leibniz">Leibniz</a> is a goddamn liar for attempting to prove otherwise. This is why no one credits you for inventing calculus, asshole. The more superficial reason is that the company that the writer approached about publishing it, “Literally Satan Inc.” is worried that it isn't a sound investment, because Virtue's Last Reward didn't sell well in Japan of all places. The problem with this mindset is that it doesn't take into account the rabbit devotion of American fanboys. Now, I'm not saying that I'd kidnap 9 corporate executives and force them to play a fiendish game to coerce them into releasing Zero Escape 3. I'm not good enough at coming up with bunny puns. But maybe someone out there is. So maybe I'd be on the lookout for people in gas masks, if I were you, Satan.<br />
<br />
So does this mean that we'll never see the massive cliffhanger of Virtue's Last Reward resolved? That we're doomed to forever remain ignorant of whether or not Phi is actually a Brahman or a common or a ramen? Perhaps not. The news was first broken on the Twitter account of <a href="https://twitter.com/Uchikoshi_Eng">Kotaro Uchikoshi</a>, Director and Scenarist of the first two games. A scenarist is one who writes scenarios, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, and it's different from an author because it sounds cooler. "I believe there is still hope. ZE3 will definitely be released somehow, someday!" He said that he's considered crowdfunding from sites like Kickstarter and Indiegogo, but doesn't see them as likely, considering the huge amount of money that he requires. In response, I would like to point out that a huge amount of money is exactly the amount that I am willing to pay to get this thing to happen, and I'm sure I'm not alone. While my $200 or whatever might not matter much in the grand scheme of things, there is an entire movement devoted to making Zero Escape 3 a reality. Operation Bluebird is a Facebook group devoted to spreading the word and showing support. And if all of its 8000 or so members were to contribute the reasonable amount of $200, we could raise $1,600,000, a number which I had way more difficulty calculating than you'd expect of a math major. Is that enough to make significant progress towards funding the game? I have no idea. Is it reasonable to expect $200 from each person? Hell no. But a lot more than 8,000 people played Virtue's Last Reward, to the tune of [some statistic that I can't seem to find on the internet]. And I don't think it's too outlandish to think that all of them with any semblance of taste would be willing to shell out at least the price of a game to see the story finished. Not to mention all the people who would mortgage their kidneys for the opportunity to own a watch in the style of one of Zero's death bracelets (The offer's on the table, Lou Tennant).<br />
<br />
So how can you do your part for the war effort? Well, if you're a vastly wealthy executive capable of single-handedly funding this whole project, it would be greatly appreciated if you went ahead and did that. Or, if you're as untrustworthy as my word processor's spell-check seems to believe you are, you could single-underhandedly fund the project. I don't really mind either way. Failing that, it probably wouldn't hurt buy the game to show that interest in Zero Escape hasn't waned. As luck would have it, this was recently (as of when I first wrote this) made much easier with the release of 999: The Novel, an iOS release of 999 for the incredible price of $4.99. Granted, this release makes the unusual decision to omit all actual gameplay, but it's still worth it many times over. 999 is still an incredible story that you can get for less than the cost of a book or a movie, and if have any Apple device, I cannot urge you strongly enough to check out 999. I can't really think of a better way to spend $5 than on one of my favorite “games” of all time. Then again, paid $5 for the ability to make one of my Skullgirls characters look like King Dedede, which is something I can already do, so my opinion on the value of a Lincoln may be a bit questionable.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tQ5ALnlBRpU/Uzos7xgDSWI/AAAAAAAAAPA/s7kypJhlBiU/s1600/Rapid+Anal+Pounding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tQ5ALnlBRpU/Uzos7xgDSWI/AAAAAAAAAPA/s7kypJhlBiU/s1600/Rapid+Anal+Pounding.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You will be prosecuted to the <i>full</i> extent of the jam.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
Beyond that, it probably wouldn't hurt to show general interest in the genre of visual novels, so as to send the message that their release in the US is lucrative. Dangan Ronpa in particular is a rather similar game about trust, betrayal, and the juxtaposition of cute mascot characters with gruesome murder. There's an anime adaptation, but you really have to live it for yourself to get the full experience. When you choose who to spend your free time with and learn more about, it really hits harder when they end up getting murdered. Or, even worse, become murderers themselves. If you have a Vita, I'd highly recommend picking it up, and watching out for the sequel this fall. (Consider this an apology for my assertion earlier on this blog that Vitae are for chumps. Vita means life.) Steins;Gate is another visual novel with a popular anime adaptation. According to Wikipedia, it's available for official, legal download right now, but the official, legal website seems to have other ideas. You can have the limited edition shipped to you, but is seems like the pleb-tier version won't be available until the end of this month, so if you $40 trust my opinion, but don't $60 trust my opinion, I guess you'll have to wait until then. And while we're on the subject of visual novels, why not download Katawa Shoujo? It costs nothing, and if you're lucky, you might disturb a prying NSA agent.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
<br /></div>
Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-90916737061009293952014-03-10T13:31:00.001-07:002014-04-10T22:24:52.327-07:00Batman's Utility Belt<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;">Apparently this blog is about ethics now. I know, I'm just as surprised as you. If you asked me a year ago what I thought would be the last thing I'd ever blog about, it would probably be women's sexual health. I mean, I felt awkward just typing those words. But ethics would also be up there. I'm writing about ethics once more because I had to write a paper for midterm. It was a response to one of 5 questions about Utilitarianism. The paper was to be 3 pages, and around 900 words long. “Well, shit”, I thought “My blog posts are easily twice as long as that. This should be easy!” So one day, while commuting to school for a busy day of being stood up for group work, I decided to pick a prompt and get cracking. Never had words flowed from my fingertips with such feverish fluidity. My year or so of practicing writing was finally going to pay off! Then, when I got to school, I decided to check the professor's guidelines for writing. The ones he said to look at before we even began thinking about what to write about. They basically said, “You know all those things you're doing? Well stop that. You're embarrassing yourself. Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?” As it turns out, a philosophy paper probably isn't the best place for making Calvin & Hobbes references. I mean, Hobbes was a philosopher right? He wrote something about the social contract, and Leviathan. You know, the cute widdle dragon monster.</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="line-height: 200%; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://wiki.shoryuken.com/images/a/a4/SG_squigly_portrait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://wiki.shoryuken.com/images/a/a4/SG_squigly_portrait.jpg" height="320" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You know what they say: "The Social Contract is a cute widdle dragon monster."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
With my mandatory
Skullgirls reference out of the way, and my soul still reeling from the terrible images I've seen resulting from what was nominally a "safe" search, I'll cut to the chase: after
learning that I'd have to cut so many humorous bits from my paper, I
decided that I'd repaste them here. What I have here is very
different from what I ended up turning in, but the main points are
basically the same. This version's just going to be better. And likely
longer. The prompt was something along the lines of “What
objections would an extreme utilitarian like J.J.C Smart have to
restricted utilitarianism? How would a restricted utilitarian
respond? Which do you think is more plausible? Defend your claim.” An interesting fact is that I said "J. C. C. Smart" in my paper, so I'm probably going to get points off for being an outstanding dumbass. The paper that I would have liked to turn in would look a little
something like this:</div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Among the many
objections that J.J.C. Smart might have against Utilitarianism, the
biggest one might be that he wouldn't consider it real
utilitarianism, and he has a solid argument backing him up. I mean,
they don't give names like that to just anyone; how do you think I
got the name “Havoc”? One can imagine that if Smart were
appointed dictator-for-life of the exclusive treehouse club that is
utilitarianism, he would commission a banner proclaiming “No Rules
Allowed!”. An extreme utilitarian has no need for rules, for he has
Principle. The Greatest Happiness Principle, to be precise. The
Greatest Happiness states that “Any time a rational agent is in a
situation in which he or she must choose to take one of multiple
actions, including inaction, he or she ought to choose the one that
brings about the greatest amount of pleasure, as well as the least
amount of pain.” So basically “Be excellent to one another, and
yourself while you're at it.” The Greatest Happiness Principle is
the fundamental idea of utilitarianism, and really the only part that
matters. To compare it to Christianity, the Greatest Happiness
Principle is like the idea that Jesus died for everyone's sins, and
everything else is like the weird parts parts of The Bible where it
tells you when it's OK to sell your daughter into slavery.
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9TgfiP7mcis/U0bdXmHvgpI/AAAAAAAAAPw/jx35ybpF6eg/s1600/Nichijou+Gun+Book.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9TgfiP7mcis/U0bdXmHvgpI/AAAAAAAAAPw/jx35ybpF6eg/s1600/Nichijou+Gun+Book.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My version of the Bible may have been a bit different.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The “utility” in
“utilitarianism” refers to pleasure, and the absence of pain. So
the GHP basically says that you should always do the thing that
brings about the most utility. It is important to note that it
doesn't matter who receives this utility, nor does it matter what the
actor's intentions are. To demonstrate the first idea, consider a man
who has $20. There are a lot of things he can do with this $20, but
it is 100% stone cold fact that his $20 would bring the maximum
happiness to everyone if he used it to buy a new machete for the
machete-murderer who machete-murdered his entire family. If this man
were a utilitarian, he'd get his ass down to the machete store,
because of the greatest happiness principle demands it of him. To demonstrate the
second idea, that intentions don't matter, suppose that he buys the
machete-murderer a machete in an attempt to get him to machete-murder
Steve, who is universally recognized as a really cool dude whose
machete-murderfication would bring about profound sadness to
everyone. According to Utilitarianism, this is irrelevant. Even
though the guy intended to bring about sadness, what he did was right
because it brought about happiness.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Now, the difference
between an extreme utilitarian and a rule utilitarian (also called a
restricted utilitarian) is that extreme utilitarians only follow the
greatest happiness principle. As long as it brings about the most
happiness, anything is justified. Hell, an extreme utilitarian could
argue that killing Bruce Wayne's parents was the right thing to do,
because it created the Batman, who saved more than two people (I
actually argued this in class. Credit to Zach Wienersmith of <a href="http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2624">SMBC</a> for
the idea). A rule utilitarian, on the other hand, follows rules of
conduct that usually lead to the action that maximizes happiness, and
justifies them using the Greatest Happiness Principle. Rules like
“Don't machete-murder people” or “Don't give money to people
who machete-murder other people.” After explaining the GHP to
someone, a rule utilitarian might follow it up by saying something
like “If you do these things, it will usually bring about the
greatest happiness, so you should do these things.” To which an
extreme utilitarian like Smart would throw out a mighty objection.
“Following those rules will only <i>usually</i>
bring about the greatest happiness. But every rule has exceptions.
Invariably, there will be some case in which following a rule will
lead to less utility than if the rule had been broken. If you urge
people to still follow the rule in this case, then you are advocating
a violation of the Greatest Happiness Principle, the very foundation
of Utilitarianism, for what amounts to little more than superstitious
rule worship! How can you call yourself a utilitarian while
contradicting the very essence of Utilitarianism?”</div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/6/68616/2192909-gyakuten_kenji_artwork_01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/6/68616/2192909-gyakuten_kenji_artwork_01.jpg" height="320" width="305" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: J.J.C. Smart</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
And
then, before the judge has the time to make a ruling on whether the
objection was overruled or sustained, the attorney for rule
utilitarianism counters with an objection of his own. Let's suppose
that it's noted utilitarian John Stuart Mill. Actually, scratch that. There
aren't a lot of things I find too distasteful for this blog, (mostly uteruses and stuff) but I
think that putting words in the mouths of dead men is one of them.
These are now generic lawyers who are arguing about utilitarianism
for some reason. Please forget that I ever compared renowned
philosopher J. J. C. Smart to Prosecutor Dreamboat Miles Edgeworth.</div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2012/08/phoenix829.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2012/08/phoenix829.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not Pictured: John Stuart Mill</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Anyway.
The attorney's objection. “I concede, Mr. Prosecutor, that there is
a set of circumstances under which your argument is unassailable. For
an omniscient actor who knows the consequences of all actions
available to him, choosing the one that maximizes utility is trivial.
Unfortunately, not a one of us on this Earth is omniscient; Not you,
nor I, nor even the Judge. And while there is nothing whose outcome
we can know for certain, there are rules, whether based on experience
or reason alone, that will usually guide us to the optimal outcome." To this, the prosecutor would likely respond with some kind of zany quirk, like maybe one of those high pitched sounds that only young people can hear. So the attorney's all asking the judge to do something about the prosecutor disrespecting the court, and the judge has no idea what's going on, because he's so old. The attorney's spunky female sidekick (I think the technical term might be "paralegal"?) says something sassy, and shenanigans are had by all. Something like that.<br />
Since this isn't an actual paper that I'm turning it, I don't have to give a shit about transitions. With that in mind, we're now talking about hypothetical situations in which these two philosophies might disagree. First, suppose that you are in Nazi Germany, and you are hiding Jews. Then, one day, while you are eating dinner or whatever it is that they do in Germany, you hear a knock on your door. You open your door to find that it is a German. A NAZI German. He asks you if you are hiding any Jews. For the sake of argument, let us assume that you are supremely confident in your ability to hide Jews. You are an Olympic medalist Jew-hider, and there is a 0.00% chance that your Jews will be found if you don't turn them in yourself. So, what should you do? Well, obviously, you shouldn't tell the Nazi that you're doing very un-Nazi things, for reasons that I hope are self evident. You might also want to get your head checked out, since you seem to think that Jew-hiding is an Olympic event. An extreme utilitarian would quickly come to this conclusion. But a pure rule utilitarian might subscribe to the rule that lying is wrong. Should he tell the truth? While you're thinking about that, consider another hypothetical situation. Suppose you're a doctor, and your patient has a terminal case of butthurt. You have a friend, whom we'll call Shadi Smith. Now, Shadi's a good friend of yours; he's been around the block, and you trust his judgement. He says that he knows a black market hook up who can get you a butthurt drug on the European black market that's banned in America. This situation's a bit different. If you break the rules by using your illicit connections, you might save your patient. But it's also possible that the drug will do more harm. I mean, it's probably banned in the US for a reason. A rule utilitarian would likely reject this proposal out of hand, as it goes against the rules. An extreme utilitarian's decision would be based on how confident he is that the drug will help, rather than hurt. Note that I said it's based on his confidence, not the actual probability of it working. And since people are often much more confident in their own judgement than they ought to be, they often take more risks than they should.<br />
So I eventually came down in favor of restricted utilitarianism. Extreme Utilitarianism is a high-risk, high-reward morality system. An extreme utilitarian is like a loose cannon cop. Their ability to break the rules can sometimes allow them to do things that due process can't do, to take on criminals who think they're above the law. But it also allows them to sometimes shoot people who have no business getting shot. Extreme utilitarianism is great in theory, like how we all love the Hollywood vision of a loose-cannon cop. But in reality, breaking the rules has more chance of causing harm than good. That's why they became rules in the first place. There are some cases in which breaking the rules results in a better outcome, but it can be difficult to be sure when this is. Sometimes there is wisdom in knowing that you might be wrong.<br />
In some ways, Utilitarianism is like improv comedy. The goal is to bring about the greatest amount of happiness, and it sometimes involves hammer murder. There are some people who follow rules, like "Don't say no" and "Don't talk about sex with birds, living or dead". Then there are people like me, who don't follow the rules, and hide behind the justification that anything is permissible, as long as the audience thinks it's funny. Though it's not really out of choice. I just don't really think when I'm doing improv. As you can probably tell, thinking is not something that I do when trying to be funny. Man, it's a good thing I cut this from my actual paper.<br />
As a final remark, I'd like to include a quote from The Doctor that I find relevant. An extreme Utilitarian might defend his position by saying that "Good men don't need rules..." A restricted utilitarian might then follow those ellipses to the rest of the quote, where he menacingly says "... now is not a good time to find out why I have so many." While it might be true that good men don't need rules, sometimes one must ask themselves if they are indeed a good man, (or woman, I suppose) or if such a thing as a good man can even exist.<br />
<br />
Please take to the comments to tell me how terribly edgy my argument is, as it basically boils down to "People are too stupid to make their own decisions."</div>
</div>
Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-28795766328211619602014-02-19T17:39:00.000-08:002014-08-21T00:30:35.229-07:00Of Mice and Women<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
There's something I've been thinking
about a lot recently. “<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk">Let it Go</a>”, a song from Disney's animated
motion picture, “Frozen”. But I'm not here to talk about that,
nor do I intend to discuss how the viability of my OKCupid profile
has increased by a full order of magnitude since memorizing its
lyrics. The thing I've been thinking about recently is ethics, and
not just because I'm currently taking a class on the subject. Also
because I recently watched an anime called “<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj6d6-4z5gQ">Psycho-pass</a>”, which
was basically a lecture in Utilitarianism. As well as brutal hammer
murder. So basically just like my ethics class. (That link should explain the noodle incident from the last post)</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Truth be told, I've had some of these
ideas kicking around in my head for awhile now. I even considered
presenting them as the second installment of “Real Talk with Havoc
Mantis” for my anniversary, as a call-back to the post that
(re)started it all. But considering how strangely prophetic that
turned out to be, I think I'll avoid the risk of jinxing it and
refrain from referring to this as a Real Talk. Because if there's one
thing that my life doesn't need right now, it's more crazy
murderesses.
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I suppose my theory goes something like
this: Fictional characters are held to a different moral standard
than real people. In a story, almost any crime can be forgiven, if
there exists a sufficiently tragic backstory or a sufficiently
heartwarming act of redemption. Remember all those kids Darth Vader
kind of slaughtered? Remember that planet he blew up? Yeah, kind of,
but he also threw an elderly man to his death, so we're expected to
believe that his Karmic checkbook is as balanced as Skullgirls'
roster. In fact, my ethics professor addressed this misconception on
the very first day of class (a bit too late, I might add): Hurling a
senior citizen down an elevator shaft does NOT absolve you of
culpability. Darth Vader also has the tragic backstory angle working
for him. Bearing witness to something as terrible as the prequel
trilogy changes a man. It's what caused Qui-Gon to lose his faith in
humanity, ultimately leading to his attempt to destroy Gotham City.
The despair it caused in Obi-Wan led to him taking up heroin, and its
banality caused me to continually reuse jokes.</div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-obfGueZfrQs/UwVZb6OdgUI/AAAAAAAAAOM/zbFKyCGrlkY/s1600/trainspotting_renton.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-obfGueZfrQs/UwVZb6OdgUI/AAAAAAAAAOM/zbFKyCGrlkY/s1600/trainspotting_renton.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ewan Mcgregor once played a role in which he did heroin. That was a joke.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I think it's safe to say that, from a
young age, most of our exposure to weighty morality comes from
fiction. On screens and in books, we see heroes make tough choices.
Is killing the villain justifiable if it means fewer people will die?
Is it permissible to lie in order to protect someone? Should you really tell Becky that she looks fat in that dress? In our everyday lives, morality is far less pronounced. When
was the last time you were in a climactic duel that ended with your
nemesis dangling over a vat of molten steel, clutching your
outstretched arm, and you had decide whether to pull him up to safety or drop him to his death? If you're anything like me, that could
have been up to a month ago. In real life, morality is much more
subdued. Being a good person is less about “Deciding that human
life is sacred, and there is no crime for which death is a fitting
punishment” and more about “Abstaining from getting your friends
involved in time-consuming projects, then forcing them to do all the
work because you lack every necessary skill to get anything done,
wasting their time with a half-finished mess”. As much as that
sounds like a cheap shot at someone else, (because it kind of is)
it's actually directed at myself. I doubt you're reading this,
Basicles, but if you are, I'm sorry about doing that thing. I'm being
so sincere right now.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So, to recap, in fiction, terrible
actions can be forgiven by virtue of external factors. And in real
life, most people's exposure to morality comes from fiction. When we
judge ourselves, (as seldomly as possible, in most cases) we know our
own backstory, and can use excuses to rationalize our seemingly
immoral behavior. Like that one time you ran that red light, but you
were really late for an important job interview, so you had no
choice. Or when your friend punched that cashier in the face for
making small talk, but he only did it because was really stressed
from a bad day at work. Or, to use a personal example, that one time
I set fire to a McDonalds Playplace, but only because some men want
to watch the world burn, and I am among their number. But the problem
is that when we start judging other people, (or they start judging
us) we don't know their reasons, nor do we give one infinitesimal
dshit. When someone else runs a red light, well, they were probably
in a hurry to the asshole convention they're chairing. If someone
else punches your friend in the face for trying to be polite, they
should be locked up. If someone else sets fire to a McDonald's
Playplace, they're clearly <i>unhinged</i>.
Because we only know the
backstory for ourselves and our friends, we tend to be much more
forgiving of them than strangers. This is called special reasoning,
and is the source of roughly
60% of the world's problems, and an astounding 100% of them that
don't stem from me setting fire to things.
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Hey,
remember that thing I said earlier about crazy murderesses? Well,
that was because I originally intended to compare various fictional
killers, (all female of course, as well as at various levels of being
a computer) and discuss how odd it was that the ones with the higher
body count were actually the ones I found more sympathetic, despite
my softcore subscription to utilitarian ideals, which might conclude
that death is not conducive to happiness, and therefore killing is
directly correlated with bad times. Sure, I could attempt to justify
my opinions with the argument that those with the highest K/D ratio
exist in a state of affairs where punishing them would bring about no
further happiness, but then I realized that no one cares about my
perverse ethical standards, and the potential to give away spoilers
would be too great. And besides, one of them managed to convince me
to bake a real life cake, possibly risking the health of my real,
flesh and blood family, which is certainly indicative of a major
problem in my brain, chemically speaking, if not spiritually and
metaphysically. On the other hand, one of the girls was GlaDOS,
(Don't you dare get uppity about this. This is less of a spoiler than
the fact that Tale of Two Cities ends with you getting bored and
closing the book.) so I'm sure I could have made a <i>killer</i>
joke about how the cake being the truth is a far harsher reality that
a blissful lie. I had also intended to give a shout-out to my friend
Quincy Sharp, but not for the murderess that you might expect.
</div>
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<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jkqJ6Ksy3vE/UwVa104-3_I/AAAAAAAAAOY/ZIiZzAbLs68/s1600/The+inner+machinations+of+my+mind+are+an+enigma.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jkqJ6Ksy3vE/UwVa104-3_I/AAAAAAAAAOY/ZIiZzAbLs68/s1600/The+inner+machinations+of+my+mind+are+an+enigma.png" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Anyway, speaking of crazy murderesses,
I finally found a new blog buddy! If you like things that are funny,
you should go check out <a href="http://alicenmoser.blogspot.com/">Lessons in Unnecessary Enthusiasm (DoubleFactorial)</a>, a blog written by an improv associate of mine, All Ice
'n<span style="color: black;">–</span>
actually, scratch that. She gives her real name right there in the
URL, so there's no need for my to devise a cryptic pseudonym that
only I find funny. As for referring to her as a murderess, what can I
say? Funny people have a thing for killing. No one yet knows if this
is an example of correlation or CAWsation.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UHEy-0MoVqE/UwVba8t2EkI/AAAAAAAAAOg/YZaOSI6upk4/s1600/Henry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UHEy-0MoVqE/UwVba8t2EkI/AAAAAAAAAOg/YZaOSI6upk4/s1600/Henry.jpg" height="320" width="243" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That was a pretty funny joke, but at what CAWst?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Speaking of cryptic pseudonyms, I'd
like to take this opportunity to issue a resounding “screw you”
to the AHPI. But I would also like to once again thank you for that
thing with my wallet in the QuikTrip bathroom. We're cool.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Out of respect for my newfound blog
buddy, I will now end this post in the same way she ends all of hers:
with a haiku.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
All haiku are dumb</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This one is no exception</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am so meta </div>
Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-41891167462605633882014-02-18T10:36:00.005-08:002014-02-18T13:58:08.622-08:00The Incest Inquirer<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
<i>Thanks to school, work, and my overwhelming desire to Default in a manner as Brave as possible, I have yet to finish the post I started writing awhile back. I might get around to it eventually, but in the mean time, please enjoy the return of the good Doctor Lou Tennant. Or in the nice time, I guess. Whatever floats your boat.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
Hello, all of my shoujos and kanojos (and everyone else, I guess) and welcome to another one of my glorious literary catastrophes. I’m writing this one in the hope event that Havoc Mantis is too busy (lazy) or unable (dead) to write one of these himself. I thought about doing a thing for New Year’s, and luckily for you, that’s as close as I got to typing one of these travesties. Unluckily for you, I have once again taken up the mantle of Bumbling Writer Extraordinaire (M.D.). So, instead of a coherent list of things, I’ll just ramble about some of the cool stuff I’ve come across. Buckle up, baby.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
First up is Corpse Party, a game I just recently discovered despite it being out for so long. What can I say about Corpse Party that isn’t covered by the name alone? Not much, but I can guarantee that it’s a good time. A butthole-buttering good time. In fact, you are now cordially invited to my next corpse party. No no, I insist. Where else am I going to find fresh corpses for consumption? But I digest. Corpse Party features a cast of incredibly stupid students (and their teacher, also of questionable intelligence) who decide that doing a weird-ass ghost ritual they found on the internet is a good idea. Obviously, the shit hits the wall (among other things, hue hue hue), and the group becomes trapped in the Doom Dimension. The Doom Dimension is essentially a nightmarish version of their school filled with ghosts who want to exact their vengeance on any who enter their domain.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rZhKfiD7m54/UwN0pzWSx0I/AAAAAAAAANk/7cGed6AbO0o/s1600/Ari+Corpse+party.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rZhKfiD7m54/UwN0pzWSx0I/AAAAAAAAANk/7cGed6AbO0o/s1600/Ari+Corpse+party.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nothin personnel...kid...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
The game is incredibly graphic in nature. Honestly, I think science has to invent new colors for some of the stuff that’s in the game. Stuff like “mutilated mauve” or “pulverized peach” (add that to your 120-pack, Crayola). The gameplay basically has you wandering around the school trying to reunite with your friends—and not die a horribly painful death, I suppose. The game spans multiple chapters and viewpoints, so of course there are a plethora of bad ends. Your choices matter, so having multiple saves is highly encouraged, if not a necessity. Those ghost kids aren’t playing any games. I can’t blame them, though. I imagine it would be pretty difficult to prevent becoming chaotic neutral in a dimension where you feel the pain you felt at death for all of eternity. If you like gore, plot, or good games, give it a try.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
I’m just going to quickly mention this one, since it just came out in the U.S. and I’m not done playing it yet. Bravely Default is pretty great. In fact, it’s fantastic. It’s a game where you kill people and steal their clothes to take their powers. If that didn’t convince you to buy it, I don’t know what will.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BKu91evJES4/UwN0w9hjj_I/AAAAAAAAANs/2uLrhkLKyJM/s1600/Ari+Agnes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BKu91evJES4/UwN0w9hjj_I/AAAAAAAAANs/2uLrhkLKyJM/s1600/Ari+Agnes.jpg" height="320" width="301" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, you take their clothes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
Now, let’s move on to some animu, since that’s mostly what I’ve been doing these past few months. I’ll start with Working!!, an anime about a group of people who all work in a family-style restaurant. The show is pretty weird, as none of the characters are even remotely close to normal. The show features a masochistic mini-con, a lively loli, and a bushido bishoujo, among others. I hope you appreciated that previous sentence, because I almost quit writing this because of it. Almost. Anyway, Working!! is just a show about shenanigans. It’s pretty good, and I’d recommend it, but don’t feel obligated to watch it right away.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MC4XaC-0DBE/UwN038TCesI/AAAAAAAAAN0/GcnENA8rXYA/s1600/Ari+Workin'.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MC4XaC-0DBE/UwN038TCesI/AAAAAAAAAN0/GcnENA8rXYA/s1600/Ari+Workin'.png" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Slapping an apostrophe on means it's a new season. Get hyped for WORKING!! PRIME</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
I. WOULD LIKE TO SHOW. You an animu called Psycho Pass. If you've seen the show, you know what I was alluding to. Else, feel free to eat the spaghetti I just spilled. Psycho Pass is a darn good anime, and I WOULD rather you rush to watch it right away. It’s set in a future where the Mood Matrix became a reality, and the police have access to the psychological profiles of all their citizens. Watching the rookie become a hardboiled vixen of virtue/lady of the law/jawn of justice was pretty awesome. The law is the final word, and those judged to be a threat to society are eliminated on the spot. The show raises several philosophical questions, but I watched it for the cool plot stuff.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
My, how the mighty have fallen. Originally, Oreimo (<i>"Ore no Imōto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai", which translates to "My Little Sister Can't Be This Cute". You can see where this is going.</i> -Ed.) (<i>That stands for "editor", not the other thing.</i> -Ed.) was the guilty pleasure I could happily talk to other fans about. Now it’s that one thing I did that one time I don’t want anyone to know about. The second season was absolutely horrifying. Well, the OVAs were the culprit, to be specific. The entire time I was watching the second season, I was thinking, “SURELY THEY WON’T.” They did, and son, it was more horrifying than anything I could have imagined. A joke can only go on for so long; eventually, it’s not funny anymore, and you’re actually married to your sister. I would still recommend the rest of the series, as it’s pretty good, but please, if you value your Crime Coefficient, don’t watch the OVAs.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4O_T3__sQQ0/UwN0-_C9myI/AAAAAAAAAN8/jjoGdSYsl1s/s1600/Ari+sister.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4O_T3__sQQ0/UwN0-_C9myI/AAAAAAAAAN8/jjoGdSYsl1s/s1600/Ari+sister.jpg" height="320" width="226" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Girlfriend? But I already have a sister.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.11in;">
I guess that about wraps this one up. I can’t help but notice my posts pale in comparison to the ten-point theses that are Havoc’s posts. Not that it matters, since no one expects quality content from this blog anyway.<strike> I’m writing this after not sleeping for over 24 hours, so it’s probably a mess, but hey, not my problem.</strike> SCRATCH THAT, I EDITED IT AFTER SLEEPING, BUT IT’S STILL A MESS ANYWAY LOL. If you actually made it through this, than I’m either a better writer than I thought, or you’re just a glutton for punishment. That said, I look forward to seeing you again soon.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-4562706907299303022014-01-17T14:27:00.003-08:002014-05-04T09:01:33.406-07:00Top Pun 2013: MusicAs with last year, this music list will be arranged with no particular care, including songs, albums, soundtracks, genres, and instruments. As such, the order will be largely arbitrary. There's not much else to say here, so let's get right to it.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Hatsune Miku</u></b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WBf1jp2_D4o/Usxf4lRhN1I/AAAAAAAAAME/tu3U9eEGppU/s1600/Miku.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WBf1jp2_D4o/Usxf4lRhN1I/AAAAAAAAAME/tu3U9eEGppU/s1600/Miku.png" height="320" width="208" /></a></div>
<br />
Favorite song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuJ6UR_pD5s">World is Mine</a><br />
<br />
Despite this being the third time I've posted this image, I do believe this is the first time I've actually mentioned who this is. This is Hatsune Miku, first and most famous of the vocaloids. To reduce the matter to a gross oversimplification, a vocaloid is an autotuned text to speech synthesis program. I'm not familiar with the details of the program, but the gist of it is that you input syllables, pitches, and durations for notes, and it outputs a song sung by a computerized voice. Naturally, with Japan being Japan, this program was anthropomorphized into a schoolgirl with a short skirt, long twin-tails, and sleeves that don't seem to be attached to the rest of her clothing. Also a tie, just in case anyone's keeping score.<br />
<br />
<br />
Miku is really more of an instrument than an artist, as any idiot with the software can produce a song that's exactly as legit as any other. I think that Miku represents an interesting philosophical Idea in the relationship between machines and art, redefining what it is that makes art truly human in the first place. But, dropping all pretense of me being interested in some high-minded philosophy debate, I will admit that I just <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR3cJ_yYzhA">really</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duPJqfKiA78">like</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57mkfFdvREw">several</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJLoIETO8GM">songs</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEnYvYYtjEo">composed</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFXj-VfUzi0">for</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkHzuBN6wMA">her</a>. I could discuss the implications of an immortal pop star who never ages, whose voice only gets better as technology improves, and who is immune to the embarrassing scandals that plague so many stars. But I would be lying out my ass if I implied that I had any idea what I was talking about, and I think there's been quite enough of that on this blog already (For instance, I actually do look like a robot-man in real life). Although, with regards to the whole "immune to scandal" angle, try googling "Hatsune Miku", in conjunction with a word that you'd be reluctant to use in front of your mother. I can all but guarantee that on the first page you'll find things that would make Miley Cyrus blush.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.thehollywoodgossip.com/iu/v1378813679/video/miley-cyrus-wrecking-ball-report.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://images.thehollywoodgossip.com/iu/v1378813679/video/miley-cyrus-wrecking-ball-report.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At this point, I'm including these references just so they'll seem outdated in the future.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<b><u>The King is Dead, by The Decemberists</u></b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Favorite Song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Waz7PMZHeg">Rox in the Box</a><br />
<br />
OK, yes, this album is 3 years old by now, but I thought I'd include it as reparation for my earlier statement that I regretted buying it, which I now regret.<br />
<br />
"Rox in the Box", despite the shoddy spelling, is just a damn good song. I can't really do it justice with words, but it has an all-encompassing <i>realness</i> to it. Listening to it is accompanied by an urge to just go out and <i>do</i> something, like chopping down a tree, or building a cabin, or... well, perhaps not mining granite, if the lyrics are meant to be taken seriously. Thankfully, I'm well practiced at resisting these urges, so nothing ever comes of them, but the reminder that music can make me feel something is appreciated.<br />
<br />
"Down by the Water" also evokes a similar degree of realness, though not enough to inspire italicization, I'm afraid. As a whole, the album sounds considerably more "American" than most of the Decemberists' previous work, which had a decidedly British feel, with lyrics featuring muskets, nautical adventures, and bagmen, which I assume is something like a humanoid bagworm.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FlepcOeu47s/Uth6VCc4rQI/AAAAAAAAAM0/6j-KsR8R2pY/s1600/Bagman.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FlepcOeu47s/Uth6VCc4rQI/AAAAAAAAAM0/6j-KsR8R2pY/s1600/Bagman.png" height="320" width="256" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Artist's Interpretation</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><u>Fire Emblem Awakening Soundtrack</u></b><br />
<br />
Best Song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWO4ff1HXYY">Don't You Dare Speak Her Name!</a><br />
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I had originally considered making this entry solely about this one song, rather than the Fire Emblem soundtrack as a whole. And if you listen to it, I think you'll understand why. This song is powerful. It is at once mournful and majestic, as well as thundering and triumphant. It only appears once in the game, and like a wizard, it arrives neither early nor late, but exactly when it is meant to. In the interest of avoiding spoilers, I'll just leave it at that.<br />
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The rest of the soundtrack is pretty damn good, but only a few songs are notable enough to be mentioned alongside the aforementioned. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bio99hoZVYI">Id~Purpose</a> is one of those songs. Id is the name of the theme song for the tactician, your custom unit in the game. There are quite a few different arrangements of the song, and Purpose is easily the best. It's the song that plays on the last stage of the game, with all of the grandeur that the position entails. The way it mixes in the main theme of the Fire Emblem series later on is a nice touch, unless you're so good at Fire Emblem that you beat the last stage before the song even gets to that part, <i>brother of mine</i>.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_pVXrYi8s2rM/SgszFdvUQeI/AAAAAAAAAuc/vV7ZDsAUp0M/Human%2520Nature%2520_7%255B4%255D.jpg%3fimgmax=800" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_pVXrYi8s2rM/SgszFdvUQeI/AAAAAAAAAuc/vV7ZDsAUp0M/Human%2520Nature%2520_7%255B4%255D.jpg%3fimgmax=800" height="172" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at Mr. Fire Emblem Prodigy over here.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Finally, I'd like to mention the song that it plays when you initiate a carnal union between two of your units. (i.e. one proposes to the other) Because there was clearly someone from the "name first, ask questions later" school of naming aboard the development team for this game, it's called "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNApU-qXXDg">Ha, ha! Yes, it will take some getting used to!</a>" While it serves as a decent piece of listening music, the main reason I like this song is for its honesty. While you might expect a theme for a proposal to be cheerful, uplifting, and romantic, this one is pervaded by a sense of anxiety. A proposal is a stressful event, and this song reflects it, while still conveying a sense of romance. If I ever propose in real life, there's a good chance I'll start playing this song, so it might be a good idea to train yourself to run away from this song on reflex.<br />
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<b><u>Paper Mario Sticker Star Soundtrack</u></b><br />
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Favorite Song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8NGKE-jRFs">Kamek Battle</a><br />
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And now, I turn my attention to the <i>other</i> game made by Intelligent Systems that I played in the year of 2013. I had originally bought this game as a Christmas present for my brother, but because he never had the time, I ended up playing it before him. I then retconned my Christmas present to "Playing Paper Mario Sticker Star so you didn't have to". The game wasn't very good, but the music was very good, which is why I'm including it on this list. Picking a favorite song was difficult, because there isn't really one song that stands out above the rest. Almost <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3jZDthZxNQ">every</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FJKewvQ7-Q">song</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYgPcOl_07E">in</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mrE9MhgiOg">the</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUpbaJePhLo">game</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXZbQ0ZI4E4">is</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHCtT2IGyKU">great</a>, but none really rise to the level of excellence set by Don't You Dare Speak Her Name! That said, I think it can be argued that, as a whole, Paper Mario's soundtrack is better than Fire Emblem's, as it has more great songs than Fire Emblem, though none that are as fantastic as the best in Fire Emblem.<br />
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<b><u>Game Grump Remixes</u></b><br />
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Favorite Song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xS7cCYsgNUA">Jon Wins</a><br />
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Game Grumps was (or still is, if you're a casual) a Youtube show in which two friends played video games while cracking jokes. I believe it to be responsible, at least in part, for the trend of "Let's Play" videos on Youtube, where you can watch people play games, instead of playing them yourself. It's like being a younger brother, and having to wait for your older brother to finish playing a single-player game before you can play, except you're doing it to yourself on purpose.<br />
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Aside from being a chief exporter of 80% of my friends' inside jokes, The Game Grumps is also a decent source of music. Except they don't make the music; for whatever reason, some person once got it into their head that it would be a good idea to take words said by the Grumps, and autotune them into a song. For reasons lost to time, this caught on as a trend, and there are now hundreds of songs on Youtube consisting of remixes of things the Game Grumps have said on the air.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120224232860/dragonball/images/3/3f/Shen_Long.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120224232860/dragonball/images/3/3f/Shen_Long.jpg" height="242" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When questioned about possible involvement, Shenron declined to comment.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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If that sounds like a recipe for terrible music, then, well, it kind of is. I won't deny that the majority of Game Grump Remixes are pretty bad. Garbage, even. But <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4m5mr41g4c">good</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4_hsimXKWc">stuff</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yLCaAcZ9JE">is</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDQBJKzEx9o">out</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbWTPtdVnMw">there</a>, and some of it is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHncTVoscwA">pretty</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJc9IZWJXc8">damn</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UucpqKDGnY">great</a>, if you know where to look. xXJerryTerryXx is my favorite GGR composer, annoying naming conventions aside, and I also recommend Atpunk and liltommyj. Conveniently enough, the three have collaborated in the past, resulting in two <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1ALmZ5pUL0">Triforce</a> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlhUD5zd3fQ">Collaborations</a>, though the second is a medley of a bunch of little bits of their previous songs, so it's probably bet to wait until you've heard those before you give it a listen. And while it may be a bit late to mention this now, a fair few of these songs contain crude language. So I don't want to hear complaints about the new words you learned when Jon described just which of his arms hurts.<br />
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<b><u>Skullgirls Soundtrack</u></b><br />
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Favorite Song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xu4T1wWB7I">In Just a Moment's Time</a> (Credits)<br />
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Did you think it was over? Did you think I was done gushing over Skullgirls? (NO ECCHI) Well, that's too bad, because there's plenty more where that came from. I'm not sorry.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct265sowZas/UrIXxLGPBCI/AAAAAAAAAKo/Lbw4rJ_ttk4/s1600/Ari+post+Haar+Deal+with+it.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct265sowZas/UrIXxLGPBCI/AAAAAAAAAKo/Lbw4rJ_ttk4/s1600/Ari+post+Haar+Deal+with+it.png" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Obligatory image "borrowed" from Lou Tennant</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
First of all: That credits song. I admit, it's something of an acquired taste. But goddamn if it isn't one that I'm extremely glad I acquired. The singer's voice has an unusual quality to it that didn't really catch on with me until after I had heard it many times. But there is a chance that the song is being sung by a dread artifact through which the very threads of fate are spun by the Gods themselves, so I guess I'll give it a pass.<br />
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The second standout song of the soundtrack is the awesomely named "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9HjQ8dQEVA">Skull Heart Arrhythmia</a>", the battle theme of The Skullgirl. As a final boss song, it hits all the right notes, so to speak. The haunting chorus at the beginning sets up an appropriately climactic feel for the battle, and the jarring shift to a more frantic melody later on matches up well with The Skullgirl's more aggressive strategy as the fight wears on. If this fantastic song is meant to be an apology from Lab Zero games for making the final boss so unpleasant, then apology almost accepted. Almost.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6TDafVNEShI/UtmqndtzYXI/AAAAAAAAANU/6_2F9Ye7hDw/s1600/SG_maire_bigportrait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6TDafVNEShI/UtmqndtzYXI/AAAAAAAAANU/6_2F9Ye7hDw/s1600/SG_maire_bigportrait.jpg" height="320" width="263" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I accept apologies the same way I beat Skullgirls. Almost</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The whole soundtrack has more great songs than I could possibly link, but you can check it out on "music for poor people" app Spotify if you're interested.<br />
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<b><u>Frozen Soundtrack</u></b><br />
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Favorite Song: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgk">Let it Go</a><br />
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While this list is full of things that were created before 2013, then discovered by me this past year, the opposite is true of Frozen. The movie hit theaters in 2013, but that wasn't the year I watched it. For the sake of simplicity, let's just say I watched it in 2014. The main reason I'm including it here is because it's the only noteworthy movie from 2013 that I watched, and I don't feel like writing an entire list on movies with just one entry, because that kind of behavior is strictly in the domain of classless assholes.<br />
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But that's not to say that the music doesn't stand alone as worthy of this list. Frozen is a musical, (something that I didn't know going in) as well as a damn good movie. (something else that I didn't know going in) The film is a perfect mix of heartwarming, heartwrenching, and genuinely funny; it really stands up to the standard of children's movies established by Wreck-it Ralph. It has enough dumb jokes to keep kids entertained without being annoying, as well as real substantive humor, with a smattering of adult humor that's subtle enough to leave you legitimately questioning whether or not it was intentional. That said, if you don't crack a smile at a line like "Why have a ballroom with no balls?" being dropped in a children's movie, then either your heart is so Frozen that not even a kiss from your true love can thaw it, (SPOILER: This is a movie about princesses) or you possess some sense of decency. Either way, you make me sick.<br />
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But this is a list about music, not my repressed desire to be a pretty, pretty princess. That post is still in the works. So I guess I should say something about the music. It's... uh... super good? Sorry, this entry is a bit of a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHUvALTEDJQ">fixer-upper</a>. For instance, those spoilers I just linked to.<br />
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<b><u>Conclusion</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
As before, this post is (mostly) about music that I discovered and enjoyed during the year of 2013, rather than music actually released in 2013. And with that disclaimer, my Top Pun lists for 2013 are officially concluded. I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I loathed writing them. And on that note, I'd just like to state that there is a good chance that it'll be awhile until my next post. My workload for college has gotten yet more intense, and I can't say I've many ideas on what to write about. Until next time, this is Havoc Mantis, signing off.<br />
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<br />Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-24263642692471568512014-01-10T14:50:00.001-08:002014-06-09T04:47:08.709-07:00Top Pun 2013: Interactive Fiction<a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/VisualNovel">Visual novels</a> and adventure games. With a single exception, this list is all those things. For those of you who don't know what a visual novel is, and are too wise to click that link to tvtropes, it's basically a computerized choose your own adventure book with branching paths, images, music, and, invariably, cute anime girls.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/0/5270/2372574-zero_escape_vol._2__virtue_s_last_reward.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/0/5270/2372574-zero_escape_vol._2__virtue_s_last_reward.jpg" height="181" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I PLAY IT FOR THE STORY, GOSH</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This post may have provided more respite from such wanton weeabooism, had I not found The Stanley Parable so disappointing. But I did, so it doesn't. Because I actually very much dislike rating things, I'm going to start with the ones with the most gameplay, then ease my way into the ones that focus more on reading.<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (Mantis)</u><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://legendsoflocalization.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/dangan-ronpa-fan-translation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://legendsoflocalization.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/dangan-ronpa-fan-translation.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
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You know that one book you read before it got really big and they made a movie based on it? And then everyone else watched the movie, but you knew that you were better than them, because you got the REAL experience, while they only know a mere shadow of its greatness. That is what I have going on with Dangan Ronpa. An anime based on it was made shortly after I played it, and whenever I hear anyone talking about Dangan Ronpa, (when I'm attending anime parties) I imagine they're probably talking about the anime, and that I have therefore lived a fuller life than them.<br />
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Dangan Ronpa was first described to me as a cross between Ace Attorney, Virtue's Last Reward, and Persona, which to me is like telling a stereotypical man that something is a cross between tits, bacon, and more tits.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130706040710/danganronpa/images/8/84/Asahina_anime_EP1_HQ.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130706040710/danganronpa/images/8/84/Asahina_anime_EP1_HQ.png" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two out of three ain't bad, though.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The story strongly resembles that of Virtue's Last Reward; several people are locked up in a sealed environment, and forced to play a deadly game of trust and betrayal in order to escape. Dangan Ronpa ups the ante with 67% more characters, (after rounding) all high school students with incredible talents in such wide-ranging fields as baseball, swimming, gambling, fortune-telling, being an otaku(?), and being lucky. Naturally, the last one is the main character, who must compete against living national treasures while being painfully mediocre.<br />
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The gameplay is similar to Ace Attorney, in that you gather evidence and hold trials to find people guilty, except it is done through the metaphor of gunslinging. You have to investigate crime scenes to gather ammo (evidence) so that at the sundown showdown (class trial) you can shoot other gunslingers (classmates) in the dick (weak points in their argument). The actual game's gunslinging isn't quite so extreme or vulgar, but you do present contradictions in arguments by shooting your words at their words, which really ups the intensity.<br />
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Between class trials, you can spend time with your classmates, developing bonds with them in a manner similar to the social link system from the Persona games. This serves a dual purpose: if you build a strong enough bond with someone, you get special power-ups that can be used during class trials, in addition to making your despair all the more exquisite when that character inevitably dies.<br />
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All-in-all, Dangan Ronpa is a fantastic game with compelling characters, intriguing mysteries, spectacular twists, and breathtaking betrayals. It hasn't officially released in the US yet, but it's on it's way to the PSP Vita. Don't ask me how I played it; I know a guy.<br />
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<b><u>Ace Attorney</u></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.infendo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Phoenix-Wright.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.infendo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Phoenix-Wright.jpeg" height="319" width="320" /></a></div>
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If you found my omission of Ace Attorney from my games list <i>objection</i>able, then fret not. I will now <i>silence</i> any doubts that I found Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies unworthy of making a top something list for 2013. I can testify that this game was pretty great, and you can <i>take that</i> as the honest truth. Since I can't really shoehorn any more exclamations into this, and I don't really have anything to actually say about Ace Attorney, I'll end this entry here.<br />
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<b><u>The Walking Dead</u></b><br />
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<a href="http://cdn.dualshockers.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/The-Walking-Dead-farm1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn.dualshockers.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/The-Walking-Dead-farm1.jpg" height="175" width="320" /></a></div>
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Since this is the one entry that isn't a visual novel, I'm contracting the task of opinion-writing to a <a href="http://lonerandfriends.blogspot.com/2013/02/why-telltales-walking-dead-matters.html">colleague of mine</a>, without his knowledge or permission.<br />
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I've actually talked about The Walking Dead <a href="http://havocmantis.blogspot.com/2013/07/scalded.html">before</a>. And I even linked to the same blog in that post, because writing is easiest when someone else is doing it. There isn't much more to say, except that the game isn't really about story, in that there's a cohesive narrative with a climax and a resolution and all that, but instead a bunch of things happening to people in a zombie apocalypse. As tremendously unflattering as that sounds, it's still a great game. It's just that it's sort of a slice-of-life drama with zombies. Or perhaps "slice-of-death" would be more appropriate. And now that I've made that joke, it's time to move on to...<br />
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<u><b>Analogue: A Hate Story</b></u> (As well as Hate Plus, to a somewhat lesser extent)<br />
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<a href="http://www.dorkadia.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/analogue_boxart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.dorkadia.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/analogue_boxart.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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Analogue: A Hate Story is a visual novel about going through the records of an abandoned spaceship to learn about the Neo-Confucian society that developed on it, and what happened that killed everyone aboard. It is a great read if you wish to "get mad at the patriarchy", as a friend of mine, Stylin' Franklin, once said. The title "Analogue", as far as I can tell, serves only to contrast with "Digital: A Love Story"<span style="color: red;">*</span>, a previous work by the same author, Christine Love, whose title contains a clever double entendre that I only recently realized. The "Hate Story" part of the title, though, is spot on. The society's exaggerated focus on institutionalized sexism under the guise of "filiality" is sure to illicit blue shell levels of anger, but uncomfortable parallels between it and reality hit close to home. Also, cute girls with ties.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.myfconline.com/character_avatars/246608_156521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.myfconline.com/character_avatars/246608_156521.jpg" height="320" width="198" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Albeit a different, more <i>developed</i> kind of cute</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span id="goog_502984890"></span><span id="goog_502984891"></span><br />
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At this point in the list, gameplay is minimal. The closest thing Analogue has to gameplay is the visceral satisfaction of using a command prompt, straight-up ordering a computer what to do from on high, with the power of the gods themselves. I think that my favorite part of this visual novel was when it called me a dumb bitch, and I believed it, because I am a deep person with complicated emotions. That was the reason I liked it, not the reason I believed it when I was called a dumb bitch. I believed it because, well, I was kind of being a dumb bitch. It also has a sequel, Hate Plus, which focuses on how a colonizing spaceship devolved into a sexist hellhole in the first place. It doesn't have as much weighty subject matter as the first, in my opinion, but I still found it enjoyable, and would definitely recommend picking it up if you're already getting the first one. Though they're both pretty short, so you'd probably be better off waiting until they're on sale. Rereading this entry, I noticed that every single sentence has a comma in it, but I swear that wasn't on purpose.<br />
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<b><u>don't take it personally babe, it just ain't your story</u></b><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1-ZOb-q_j8I/UtjOX-jA6aI/AAAAAAAAANE/XFVwb05Bv3s/s1600/dont+take+it+personally+babe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1-ZOb-q_j8I/UtjOX-jA6aI/AAAAAAAAANE/XFVwb05Bv3s/s1600/dont+take+it+personally+babe.jpg" height="145" width="320" /></a></div>
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This is the first visual novel by Christine Love that I read, as well as my favorite. "don't take it personally, babe..." tells the story of a high school English teacher in a distant future where high school English teachers are permitted unrestricted access their students' social networking profiles, able to read all status updates, wall posts, and even private messages.<br />
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The entire thing was written in a single month, as part of NaNoRenO, which is like NaNoWriMo, (National Novel Writing Month) but with Visual Novels. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't show. There are a few parts where it seems a bit rushed, and it altogether isn't too long. But I don't think it would be too farfetched to say that this visual novel has caused me to feel harder than any other fiction. It is responsible for the first documented case of me crying, and I read it after I watched Ano Hana.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://hiroisekai.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/anohana-review-2.jpg?w=789&h=443" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://hiroisekai.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/anohana-review-2.jpg?w=789&h=443" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ck7nK2wvTc">This song</a> alone has been known to cause more crying than an onion cutting its wrists.*</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But it's not just sadness that I felt. As a social media junkie who feels a little high every time I see a Facebook notification, this Visual Novel to me was basically like heroin to Obi-wan Kenobi. And to watch high schoolers play out their petty, adolescent dramas, and just feel so above it evokes a sense of... power? I can't quite put it into words, but there was a sense of mad glee in overseeing the social lives of teenagers. Naturally, these emotions led to fear and confusion in the few remaining sane parts of my brain, as I wondered why I was taking such delight in this perverse voyeurism. When coupled with the incredibly brilliant use of a particular literary technique that I am not at liberty to divulge, (spoilers) "don't take it personally, babe..." is one of my favorite visual novels. Then again, no one else I know seems to feel as strongly about it as I do, so perhaps my words are to be taken with a grain of salt. But you can <a href="http://scoutshonour.com/donttakeitpersonallybabeitjustaintyourstory/">download it for free</a> and make your own judgement, if you so choose.<br />
<br />
<b><u>G-Senjou No Maou</u></b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LRtqPcNGeoE/UtByR3rkekI/AAAAAAAAAMk/XDT5PU9oBFE/s1600/Devil+on+G+string.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LRtqPcNGeoE/UtByR3rkekI/AAAAAAAAAMk/XDT5PU9oBFE/s1600/Devil+on+G+string.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Hey, remember in the middle of last year when I was talking about classical music, and then started transparently lying about how it wasn't because of something I read? Well, as it turns out, my interest was brought about by G-Senjou No Maou.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h8zbA35Ek_E/Usn2HYdcbtI/AAAAAAAAAL0/RrYy74_WwuQ/s1600/Usami+Violin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h8zbA35Ek_E/Usn2HYdcbtI/AAAAAAAAAL0/RrYy74_WwuQ/s1600/Usami+Violin.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I confess, officer. I have seen that penguin before.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
G-Senjou no Maou is widely considered the Ocarina of Time of Visual Novels, in that I didn't like it quite as much as I thought I should, but still liked it a lot nonetheless. The title translates to "Devil on G-string", a reference to Bach's "Air on the G-string" and Schubert's "Erlkonig" (German for Devil, as well as a demon in SMT. This was cause for much squeeing), as well as my stripper name. It tells the story of Kyousuke, a young man who was adopted by a ruthless Yakuza boss in order to pay off his father's debt. At school, Kyousuke maintains the facade of an oblivious rich kid, while at night, he makes a name for himself as a ruthless mob negotiator, like an anti-Batman of sorts. When a mysterious criminal known only as Maou rises to power, Kyousuke is tasked with putting a stop to his nefarious plans, reluctantly accepting the help of a brilliant and mysterious transfer student with more hair than social skills. Unless Kyousuke decides to settle down with one of three other girls, in which case Maou sportingly agrees to abandon his schemes and take up a hobby instead. Speaking of other girls, this is an eroge, so there are H scenes. The H stands for, uh, "Hugs".<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tDnFW_VmxWQ/UtBRpJVEbyI/AAAAAAAAAMU/XWDzfmNip8I/s1600/This+is+Lewd.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tDnFW_VmxWQ/UtBRpJVEbyI/AAAAAAAAAMU/XWDzfmNip8I/s1600/This+is+Lewd.png" height="320" width="319" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
As one might expect from the title, classical music plays a large role, with almost all of the soundtrack based on famous tunes from classical composers, resulting in some unsurprisingly bitchin' music. (Though, ironically, the <a href="http://grooveshark.com/#!/s/Answer/3LgZOO?src=5">few</a> <a href="http://grooveshark.com/#!/s/Close+Your+Eyes/3LhBAv?src=5">original</a> <a href="http://grooveshark.com/#!/s/Wings+Of+Snow+Winds+Of+Time/3LhCmx?src=5">songs</a> are perhaps my favorite) For its gripping story, likable characters, fantastic music, and shocking twists easy enough to be predicted by me, I can see why it's considered by many to be the greatest visual novel of all time.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Conclusion</u></b><br />
<br />
As with before, this list is by no means meant to represent the best of 2013, only my favorites. In fact, rather few of these works were actually finished in 2013; that's just the year that I got around to reading/playing them. Expect the next list to be about music, and then stop expecting for there to be any lists after that, because games and music from games are all that I experienced last year. And here's hoping that this year is much the same.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*I devised this joke about onions cutting themselves independently of Bo Burnham. I had never even heard him say it before, I just happened to give someone a sneak preview of this joke, and they said it was from Bo Burnham, and I had an Episode. I did not steal this joke. I'm being so sincere right now.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red;">*Special Bonus Message from the future!</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">Since writing this blog post, I actually discovered the true meaning behind the title "Analogue". One might expect that it refers to the opposite of digital, as in an "analogue" clock, since its title has the same structure as "Digital", but this is not the case. When referring to electricity, it's spelled "analog". "Analogue" with a ue refers to a literary device related to analogy. So the title, in fact, refers to how the Hate story is analogous to the previous love story, and is also analogous because "Analog" is the opposite of Digital. When I figured this out, it's an understatement to say that it blew my mind.</span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: red;">And the best part about all of this? I made it all up. None of it was intended by the author. When I proudly proclaimed all of this on Twitter, she responded with confusion. Apparently, "Analogue" is just how it's spelled in Canada, where all the cool internet people live. Furthermore, the double entendre I mentioned, the fact that it's a "Love" story written by Christine "Love", seems to have been entirely coincidental. In any case, I can't wait for her next work, <a href="http://loveconquersallgam.es/post/71652324427/id-like-to-announce-our-new-project-that-ive">Ladykiller in a Bind</a>, which will surely have me ascribing deep, imaginary significance to what is in actuality just girls tying up other girls.</span>Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-69424489685364054302014-01-03T10:47:00.002-08:002014-01-03T12:28:08.000-08:00Top Pun 2013: Games<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">As
you can probably glean from most of my posts from the second half of
this year, I've done a lot more gaming this year than I did last
year. This year was a curiously good year for JRPGs on the 3DS, as
well as the year that Steam came in like a wrecking ball.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.thenationalstudent.com/articleImages/155564356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.thenationalstudent.com/articleImages/155564356.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All I wanted was to make a joke.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Because
this year had a lot more games to choose from, it won't be half made
up of games I didn't like or didn't even play, like last year. This
time around, I will only mention games that I truly enjoyed, and
Pokemon X. Also, because there are more games that I really like,
ranking them is more difficult. Just because one game has a lower
number than another doesn't mean that I think it was absolutely
better.</span></span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><b><u>7. Pokemon
X</u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://themodernmage.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/pokemon_xy_legendaries_wallpaper.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://themodernmage.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/pokemon_xy_legendaries_wallpaper.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">On
the other hand, Pokemon X was absolutely given the highest number
because it is worse than the others. There is no doubt that I've
discussed this game more extensively than anything else on this blog,
so there's not much more to say. One of us has changed, Pokemon. I
don't know whether it's you or me, but I'm afraid it doesn't matter
at this point. I think it would be for the best if we saw other
people.</span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><b><u>6. Rogue
Legacy</u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://roguelegacy.com/gamelogo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://roguelegacy.com/gamelogo.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Rogue
Legacy is a game about jumping and slashing monsters in a spooky
castle. The gameplay could be compared to that of Megaman, so long as
you don't mind a swift and vicious reprimand from someone who's
actually played Megaman. In reality, I'm told it's more along the
lines of a “Metriodvania” kind of game, so if you know what that
means, bully for you. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">The
gist of the game is that you have to defeat the four bosses of a
mysterious castle to find the prize inside. Naturally, the castle is
filled with incredibly dangerous monsters; it is inevitable that you
will die. When this happens, you legacy is inherited by one of your
children, who can have various traits, like dwarfism, ADHD, Glaucoma,
Peripheral Artery Disease, and many more, which affect how they
fight. This mechanic is the crux of Rogue Legacy, and really all
there is to say about it. Otherwise, it's just a damn fun game.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><b><u>5. Bastion</u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2011/11/bastion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2011/11/bastion.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">There
seems to be a trend among indie games of favoring style above
substance. If you focus too much on making your video game art, it
might cease to be a video game, instead becoming a work of art in the
medium of pretension. And while some games eschew gameplay to focus
on a story about how monumentally clever the author thinks he is,
Bastion shows that a game with solid gameplay can tell a simple,
powerful story. There isn't really much else to it. Bastion is a
masterpiece, combining excellent music, gorgeous visuals, a
compelling world, and a nifty narrative, delivered by the best
narrator this side of Stephen Fry, of LittleBigPlanet fame. And all
for the affordable price of $15, or all the way down to $2.24 if you
catch it on a daily sale like I did. Bastion is likely the best value
of any game I've ever bought on Steam, and has perhaps the highest
benefit-to-cost ratio of any purchasing decision I've made in my
life. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><b><u>4. Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale</u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://manvsgame.tv/includes/cms/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Recettear-Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://manvsgame.tv/includes/cms/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Recettear-Cover.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">As
a game, Bastion is clearly superior to Recettear. The shopkeeping
aspect of Recettear is pretty simplistic: Buy things when the prices
are low, sell when the prices are high, profile your customers to
determine how much to charge them. The combat is similar to
Bastion's, but without all of the complexity or customization. The
story lacks Bastion's depth, and the music isn't nearly as
sophisticated.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">While
Bastion is without a doubt a better game than Recettear, I cannot say
for certain that it is more fun. While simplistic, the cycle of
buying, looting, and selling is insanely addictive. The story isn't
as likely to win a Fields Medal in literature, but the characters are
all lovable, and the dialogue is both clever and heartwarming. The
music is catchy as all hell, and just like Bastion, it does a great
job of creating a world that you want to learn more about. Get used
to seeing words to that effect, because I've learned while writing
this that setting is apparently something really important to me.
It's also terribly cute, which is also apparently something that
appeals to me now. If you see my masculinity, please contact me in
the comments about returning it. In one of my previous posts, I
prematurely declared Recettear the MVP of the Steam Summer Sale, but
I think it managed to hold its throne.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><b><u>3. Shin
Megami Tensei IV</u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://static.gamespot.com/uploads/original/818/8180518/2411139-6908993451-origi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="http://static.gamespot.com/uploads/original/818/8180518/2411139-6908993451-origi.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Shin
Megami Tensei IV is an RPG (a JRPG, in case you hadn't guessed from
the title) where you recruit demons so that you can fight other
demons to decide the fate of the world. It's kind of like Pokemon,
except you, the trainer, get to mix it up alongside your Pokemon.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<center>
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<td style="border: none; padding: 0in;" width="322"><div align="CENTER">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_eq37wrkpiY/Ur8vm4zSsmI/AAAAAAAAALk/1PlOuK7DDwQ/s1600/Ash+Guns.jpg"><img align="BOTTOM" border="0" height="240" name="graphics1" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_eq37wrkpiY/Ur8vm4zSsmI/AAAAAAAAALk/1PlOuK7DDwQ/s320/Ash+Guns.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<td style="border: none; padding: 0in;" width="322"><div align="CENTER">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Dramatization</span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">When
describing Shin Megami Tensei, the one word that keeps circling back
to my mind is "superlative", because I'm a snob for words.
SMT has everything you could want from an RPG, and it does it all
better than any other JRPG I've ever played. Granted, my experience
with JRPGs is mostly limited to those starring Mario, but I imagine
that's a pretty good cross-section of the genre as a whole.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<td style="border: none; padding: 0in;" width="349"><div align="CENTER">
<a href="http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110227161512/finalfantasy/images/thumb/1/1a/Cloud-FFVIIArt.png/200px-Cloud-FFVIIArt.png"><img align="BOTTOM" border="0" height="239" name="graphics2" src="http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110227161512/finalfantasy/images/thumb/1/1a/Cloud-FFVIIArt.png/200px-Cloud-FFVIIArt.png" width="200" /></a></div>
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<td style="border: none; padding: 0in;" width="349"><div align="CENTER">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">How
does he expect to get any critical hits with a 'stache like that?</span></span></div>
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</center>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">The
story, music, combat, are all superb. The demon fusion system makes
evolving and customizing your demons fun and... well, I wouldn't
necessarily say “easy”, but you'll want to do it anyway. All the
demons are based on real world mythological figures, as I've
mentioned before, and there's really no describing the feelings that
are felt when one finds a demon they recognize. Conversely, similar
feelings are felt when hearing of some mythological creature in the
real world that you recognize as a demon from SMT. It also does a fantastic job of teaching you the different districts of Tokyo, so prepare to feel a jolt of recognition any time you hear about Ueno. If you're willing
to subject your friends to your own endless blathering about how you
totally already knew that Odin had an 8-legged horse named Sleipnir,
I highly recommend you pick up this game.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><b><u>2. Skullgirls</u></b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120419144638/skullgirls/images/e/e6/Skullgirls_boxart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120419144638/skullgirls/images/e/e6/Skullgirls_boxart.jpg" width="286" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">AND
NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, THE MAIN EVENT.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4Oeg-0SP-ps/Ur8r-c79iAI/AAAAAAAAALM/xT-s0HUjht8/s1600/Ari+post+Jack+Frost.png"><img align="BOTTOM" border="0" height="211" name="graphics3" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4Oeg-0SP-ps/Ur8r-c79iAI/AAAAAAAAALM/xT-s0HUjht8/s320/Ari+post+Jack+Frost.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Déjà
Vu</span></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Despite
being an entirely different genre than Bastion, I find that it is
actually quite similar, in that it is also a masterpiece. Generally,
they both embody my ideal vision of an "indie" game: a game
that has style, but doesn't sacrifice excellent gameplay in the
process. And let me tell you: Skullgirls is a game that exists at the
intersection of substance and style. It's hard to explain the
ephemeral concept of style, but I cannot think of a single game with
more of it than Skullgirls, save perhaps Trauma Center.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">Surgeon
General's Warning: This joke requires intimate knowledge of the
full name of the protagonist of Trauma Center</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"> <span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">More
specifically, Skullgirls and both tout hand-drawn graphics,
fantastic music, laudable voice acting, engaging settings, and great
stories. The hand-drawn animations really are beautiful, (no ecchi)
and the jazzy soundtrack, combined with a creepy opera opening theme
contributes greatly to the aforementioned style. The voice acting is
pretty solid all around, and there are plenty of puns and interesting dialogue between characters to keep you paying attention. The star-studded cast includes
a curious number of voice actors from the magical girl anime "Puella
Magi Madoka Magica", which fits, given the similarities between
Skullgirls and magical girls. To give away the reasons would be a
spoiler, but I'll give you a hint: Orthodox Judaism.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">You
should become a Magical Girl!</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">The
world of Skullgirls is a strange and confusing one, so my readers
should feel right at home there; the details given are few, but each
one only fuels your desire to know more. The story is the perfect
embodiment of what a fighting game story should be. Each character's
story has some relation to that of the eponymous Skullgirl, and some
are related to one another, but they are at the same time
self-contained. The overarching story is simple enough to be easily
understood, and each personal story does an excellent job of
portraying the characters' personality and motivations. And, like any
good story, there are feelings to be had. Viewer discretion is
advised.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">The
best part of Skullgirls is the fact that every part of Skullgirls is
the best part of Skullgirls. The worst part of Skullgirls is the part
where you have to stop playing. I was initially wary of Skullgirls,
as I was more or less coerced into playing it by Dr. Lou Tennant.
Fighting games aren't really my cup of genre, so I figured it would
be a waste of money (During a Steam Sale, I consider $10 to be a
monumental purchase). But now that I've tried it out, I could not
have been more wrong. Skullgirls might just be my favorite game on
Steam so far. I think I might literally be in love with this game.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><b><u>1. Fire
Emblem Awakening</u></b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">At
this point, you may be wondering where else there is to go. I've
already covered a masterpiece, a game that's more fun than a
masterpiece, and then another masterpiece. And while I love all those
games greatly, the title of Havoc Mantis's Game of the Year could
only ever go to Fire Emblem Awakening.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">If
you asked me what my favorite game of all time was, I would probably
kick you square in the face. Maybe even pentagon in the face. I don't
like being asked personal questions. But if I had to answer, I would
probably say that I have three favorite games: Super Smash Bros.
Brawl, because it's just the funnest damn game I've ever played,
Virtue's Last Reward, for its incredible plot and characters, and
finally, Fire Emblem Awakening, for existing somewhere between these
too extremes on the spectrum of fun and story. </span></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">My
last post on Fire Emblem reads like a war of attrition, so I'll try
to keep things more concise this time around. Fire Emblem Awakening
is by far my favorite entry in one of my favorites series of games.
It's a top notch strategy game and RPG, with a variety of different
classes to utilize, plenty of difficulty levels for players of all
skills, and plenty of customization available with the skill system.
Your welcome, by the way, for the realization that “plenty” is an
absurd word.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">The
story is good – probably the best of any Fire Emblem game, but it
doesn't quite stand up to heavyweights like Virtue's Last Reward and
Shin Megami Tensei IV. Where Fire Emblem really shines, though, is in
its characters. With very few exceptions, the characters are all
incredible. While they all have their zany quirks, they don't feel
like caricatures. Support conversations between them can be funny,
thought-provoking, heartwarming, heart wrenching, heartburning, or
even all at once. Strengthening the bonds of love and friendship
between your units is extremely satisfying. But that's enough about
creepily overseeing peoples' relationships. More on that later.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">I've
run out of adjectives to describe Fire Emblem Awakening, so I'll just
say that it's doubleplus good and leave it at that. Every time I play
it, there's a civil war in my brain between the part devoted to
playing Fire Emblem, and the part devoted to doing everything else.
And every time, the former wins. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 9pt;">DISCLAIMER: This is not necessarily meant to be list of the best games of 2013 </span></span>– <span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">just my favorites of the ones I played, not necessarily ones that were released in 2013. All opinions expressed in this post do indeed reflect the opinions of Havoc Mantis, LLC, and all of his affiliates.</span></div>
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Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-23024778089054179362013-12-19T09:21:00.001-08:002013-12-19T09:31:04.886-08:00The Day of Havoc Mantis<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In celebration of this blog's 50th anniversary, today is hereby declared The Day of Havoc Mantis. But before you go making any exclamations, Great Scott, I'll have you know that you may not have overshot. If your destination was December 19th, 2013 CE, then you're exactly when you want to be. If you find yourself in the future, don't worry. I'm on my way there as we speak. And if you're in the past, then you've broken time. I'm sure your parents were very proud when they will hear what you are doing.<br />
<br />
But if time travel shenanigans are out of the question, what other explanation can there be for this contradiction of a 50th anniversary for that which has not been around for 50 years? Well, as the greatest detective of all time once said, "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." And as improbable as it seems, Batman is right. The truth is that I stone cold lied to you. I purposely and maliciously omitted words from the opening sentence with the intent to deceive you. The full, uncensored edition reads as follows: "In celebration of this blog's 50th post, <b>as well as its first anniversary</b>, today is hereby declared The Day of Havoc Mantis." </div>
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Nicely done. By presenting the Blog archive to the court, you've revealed the contradictions in my testimony. The evidence clearly indicates that there are a total of 51 posts on this blog, and that they only go back to January this year. But there is an explanation. While this particular blog only dates back to the beginning of 2013, it had its origins in the seedy underbelly of tumblr, and was imported to its current home after a month. The post number remark is actually true. I said that this post celebrated the 50th post, not that it was the 50th post. So what is this mysterious 50th post? Well, if Doctor Who has taught me anything, it's that every 50th...Anniversary needs a guest star. So, to play the role of David Tennant to my Matt Smith, I've convinced my best friend, Dr. Lou Tennant, to write up the 50th post. In fact, it's right below this one. He's a really funny guy, but he's never written anything like this before, so don't be too surprised if it's only one or two orders of magnitude better than what you're used to around here. You can go there right away, or you can continue reading this, because I've still got some things to say.<br />
<br />
I thought that I might as well use this benchmark as an opportunity to take a trip down memory lane, recounting all the funny moments in the history of this blog. So we shouldn't be here too long. Although, all self-deprecation aside, this blog has more words than "The Great Gatsby". When you're dealing with more than 3 words, you just have to accept that we might be here awhile. So find a comfy place to sit, as I compress an entire year's worth of writing into only the parts worth reading.</div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><br /></span></span><b><u>First Post!</u></b><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></span>Man, screw this post, and screw the tumblr that spawned it. It was written way back in the dark ages, when I first made a tumblr, under the pseudonym "The Omnificent T-dub". That's why it referenced my name being stupid. Because it was. Also, it's pretty adorable how I deemed that "a little TL;DR", when nowadays that much text amounts to little more than a footnote to me.I just can't help but feel that feel you feel when you know that someone thinks their funny, but you know they aren't. For reference, consider the feel you're currently feeling.</div>
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<b><u>Back with a Vengeance</u></b></div>
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Don't believe the title of the previous post. This post is the true first post, and I hope you get used to reading the word post, because I post a lot about the posts that I post. I think I might actually literally be crying at how absurd the word "post" is. Is this what crying is? Gross.<br />
<br />
Actually, I'm certain that this is what crying is, because that is the only appropriate response to reading this. But if you're afraid that the rest of this trip down memory lane is going to be me bagging on my own writing, don't worry; I'm pretty sure I've written things that I've liked. But not this. The tone shifts abruptly and pointlessly from serious to joking, and while there are some funny moments, (particularly the joke I stole from XKCD) the whole thing just kind of falls flatter than justice. And that joke just goes to show you how much I've improved: While I used to make jokes that no one else would get and I would dislike after a year, I now make jokes that no one else would get, but I am confident I will find hilarious forever.<br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRIQAgpngPDY4YPdLKz_NyajgJ7OoLJKh2o9vqf0q88cPxfIlWc" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRIQAgpngPDY4YPdLKz_NyajgJ7OoLJKh2o9vqf0q88cPxfIlWc" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And an out of context picture seals the deal</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span id="goog_1667779704"></span><span id="goog_1667779705"></span><br /></span></span></div>
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<b><u>Of Loners and Friends</u></b></div>
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In my opinion, the first paragraph of this post is one of the finest things I've ever written, utilizing tried-and-true standbys, like jokes about the taxonomic class of your mother's dentist, while also boldly blazing new trails with jokes about marriage. And while the level of fanboyish obsession that I exude is genuinely creepy, I wouldn't have it any other way. Is it really so strange to collect restraining orders the way some collect stamps?</div>
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<b><u>Orthodontia</u></b></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><u><b></b></u></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><u><b></b></u></span></span></div>
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If I had to pick one of my posts as my favorite, there's a good chance it'd be this one, despite, or behaps percause, it being pretty edgy, especially for my earlier work. In particular, I make a bold political statement, firmly declaring myself to disapprove of one of the hated groups in America. (People still know what the Westboro Baptist Church is, right? If I tried to make a Final Fantasy joke, would anyone get it?)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130627225902/finalfantasy/images/7/77/Malboro-ffix.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="255" src="http://static2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130627225902/finalfantasy/images/7/77/Malboro-ffix.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Except even more infuriating, amirite?</td></tr>
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It also contains one of the two instances of race humor on this blog. Or I guess three, if you count that joke that I explicitly didn't make. But it's OK. Some of my best friends are runners.<br />
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<b><u>A Gentleman's Challenge</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
Because I continue to sport to this very day, I am now going to make public the answer key to this post, and reveal the seven words that were issued to me. At least, as many of them as I can remember. I am sure that "photon" was one of them, and my extensive physics training allowed me to make short work of it. While it did not contain any of the Selected Seven, I believe that the phrase “More parched than a thirsty barber” deserves recognition for being one of the least sensical things I've ever typed. The next word was abstract, so you can blame that for my digression to talking about mathematics, and, more regrettably, “Mathology”. If, in the future, this post has been deleted, assume that it was removed to conceal from grad schools any evidence that I'm actually a moron. Though, if that's my intention, I might just be better off purging this entire blog from the internet.<br />
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Moving on, I believe “ebbing” was one of them, which allowed me to make a choice laundry detergent joke that I had saved up for quite some time. It is also worth noting that I came up with the phrase “Original Gentleman” independently from Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer. No plagiarism was intended on my part. I'm pretty sure that “magnet” was one of them. Or maybe it was rainbows. Or perhaps miracles? I'm pretty sure that at least one of the words was brought to you by the Insane Clown Posse. Conflagration was definitely not one of the words.</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OCfW1hSwmec/Uqk-PvOJEVI/AAAAAAAAAJw/r6oCVf6q1Jk/s1600/This+is+bait.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OCfW1hSwmec/Uqk-PvOJEVI/AAAAAAAAAJw/r6oCVf6q1Jk/s320/This+is+bait.png" width="319" /></a></div>
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I'm pretty sure that Hippopotamus was one of them. When I started talking about Pokemon, I think I had intended to say something about the Pokemon Hippowdon, but I decided to make a truly awful joke instead, so as not to arouse suspicion.<br />
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Actually, as it turns out, when I saved this post to the Great Archive of Havoc Mantis (Currently hiring! Only Top Men need apply) I included a list of the challenge words. Apparently "rainbow" was one of them, rather than magnets. I don't remember if rainbows were mentioned in ICP's treatise on Miracles, but I sure as hell don't get paid enough to go back and take another listen, so I guess it'll remain a mystery. I kind of forgot that I left this segment unfinished until the day before showtime, and I don't have it in me to write any more, so I'm just going to list the words. Entice, photon, rainbow, trickling, hippopotamus, abstract, ablaze. We cool? We cool.</div>
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<b><u>Listless No More</u></b></div>
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I guess I'll kick this off by saying that, yes, I do intend to do a similar top X list for this year. When it comes to coming up with ideas of what to write about, annually counting down the best things of the year is easy prey. And I like my prey how I like my women. So, after this post, expect the list festivities (listivites?) to begin. Though I haven't really watched any movies this year, and there isn't much to say about Machine of Death II that wasn't said about Machine of Death I, so expect it to mostly be just games and music from games. But boy do I have some games to talk to you about.<br />
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I feel it is also worth noting that perhaps my favorite joke on this entire blog occurs in this series of posts. To be specific, it's the part where, in reference to Katawa Shoujo, I say “Bring a tissue. What you do with it is up to you.” It's one of the lewdest jokes I've made, but is at the same time subdued enough to be classy. Though I'd just like to point out that, when presented with two options, one does not necessarily have to choose one or the other exclusively. Just keep that in mind.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static.fjcdn.com/comments/4797066+_5befb80ab11ee4c36ce90e6b92a44a5b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="311" src="http://static.fjcdn.com/comments/4797066+_5befb80ab11ee4c36ce90e6b92a44a5b.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I feel like this image is enough to land me in Hell, or at least a government watch list.</td></tr>
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While I'm here, I'd also like to issue a redaction on something that I said in the actual post titled "Listless no More". When I said that "ideas are a precious commodity..., to be treasured like an unwrapped Starburst that you find on the ground". I meant for that to be a wrapped Starburst. Unwrapped Starbursts that you find on the ground are by no means entirely without value, but I think you'll find that they are not quite as precious as ideas.<br />
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<b><u>Diamond Emblem</u></b></div>
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For a long time I've considered this my least favorite post, because it mostly just consisted of me giving my opinions on a game, and that was never the intended purpose of this blog. I know that you don't care about my opinions, and I don't think you should. All I really want to do is try and spread a laugh or two. So don't feel like I actually expect your opinions to be swayed by my writing, unless the opinions in question are on whether or not you want to be my pal, in which case I hope you sway in the “no” direction. For your own sake.<br />
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Anyway, going back and re-reading this post, I found that the problem is that there are no pictures. Allow me to now rectify this problem.</div>
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<tr><td><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kw743Zz2DNU/Uqk9CwM1V9I/AAAAAAAAAJk/E8f6tnHLiZM/s1600/Mai+Waifu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kw743Zz2DNU/Uqk9CwM1V9I/AAAAAAAAAJk/E8f6tnHLiZM/s1600/Mai+Waifu.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="font-size: small;">Imagine me making a moist, unpleasant sound with my mouth. Any such sound will do.</span></td></tr>
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Also, with regards to the title, I was referring to the fact that the game was hard. Diamonds are also noted for their hardness. Though, compared to Lunatic difficulty, even in Casual Mode, Hard difficulty is a walk in the cake.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Creep Deprivation</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>This post contains a great mystery to me. Towards the end, I make the claim "I have too many actual ideas about education to come up with a suitably ridiculous one." and I have no idea why. It doesn't taste like a joke when I read it in my brain, yet I have no memory of having actual ideas about education. I recognize that America's current education system is pretty cocked up, sure, with too many people focusing on grades and getting degrees in things they don't actually care about, but I don't know that I have any ideas about how to solve these problems. Unless... Sledgehammer Olympics. BOOM! I'll take my prize in cash.<br />
<br />
<b><u>σ</u></b><br />
<br />
In actuality, this post is probably my least favorite. I actually harbor a deep, irrational resentment towards those who identify themselves as "sO rAnDoM", and give stock examples of how weird they are, not realizing how much it makes them sound like every other teenager just desperate for attention. The reason you're not "normal" is because no one is. Stressing how different you are from this mythical "normal person" is little more than stereotyping everyone who doesn't belong to your little circle, and it seriously undermines human diversity. And the fact that my longest post to date smacks of this ignorant philosophy, while not being terribly funny, kind of hurts me. If the 50 posts I've written were states, this one would be Oklahoma.<br />
<br />
And while I'd love to keep this entry brief and end on that pithy little jab, I want to mention that I hate this post even more after I noticed a reference to mathematical induction that is stupid. Making jokes about math you don't understand is more stupid than orthogonally projecting a hypersphere onto the z axis.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Screw Clever Titles: I'm Talking About Pokemon Stuff</u></b><br />
<br />
Despite that devilishly clever title, I'm going to take this opportunity, not to talk about Pokemon stuff, but to expound on a single throwaway line that raised questions that many of you have been aching to have answered for the past 5 months. In the first sentence of the second paragraph, I mention "half-heartedly writing romance stories"; I am now deeply saddened to report that my labors bore no fruit. Some time around the beginning of summer, I entered into a pact with a few of my friends. Afterlife Battlefront had visions of writing a visual novel, and enlisted us to aid her. I won't go into too much detail, just in case anything does come of the idea, but it was pretty standard Visual Novel stuff. The player took the role of a student who had to choose one of four potential love interests, each of which had a story associated with them. There were four authors in total, including myself and Afterlife Battlefront, and we were each tasked with creating a love interest and a story for them. I tried my damnedest, and even ended up writing somewhere on the order of 20,000 words of story, script, and misc. ideas, but a single flaw prevented me from finishing the task to completion: my utter lack of ability to tell a coherent story. I put the "incoherent" in coherent storytelling. Did you see what I did there? That was wordplay, what I did there.<br />
<br />
This also solves the mystery of the cryptic remark in my description about how "I might write fiction, depending on how some things work out." As it turns out, I don't, because they didn't. Although I wouldn't entirely dismiss the possibility that I finish my story and make it available to the public, I wouldn't hold your breath. I don't even know how I'd go about holding someone else's breath.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Conclusion</u></b><br />
<br />
All in all, it's been a pretty great year, and I hope the next one is even better. And to help kick off the new year, I'll be dumping a collection of puns that I've accumulated over the semester. They double as a hopefully opaque attempt to pad the length of this post so that it usurps the throne of longest post from σ. I would be lying if I said I wasn't ashamed of some of these, but dammit, 30 is a nice number, so I just have to keep them all. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call a ghost staying at a hotel? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A polter-guest</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What does a printer spread on its morning toast? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Paper jam</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call an inflammatory crocodile? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>An insti-gator</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call a giant transforming robot with only two factors?? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>An Optimus Prime Number</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call an attorney's outfit? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A lawsuit</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Why should you never play blackjack against the Prince of Mathematics? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Because the Gauss always wins!</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Where did the proton bury the body? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>In an electric field</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>How does an electron say farewell? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>They particle goodbye</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>When an inmate is making a jailbreak, how fast does he go? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Escape velocity</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What is it called when a jazz musician moves towards you? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Blues shifting</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call a song about electrochemistry? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>An ode (anode)</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Why was the singer cruel? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Because he was harmonic mean</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Why are condoms logical? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Because they're made of Vulcanized rubber</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>How do you keep your hats safe? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>With a caps lock</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Why did the mathematician not brush his teeth? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Because he wanted to study the calculus</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call a dairy farmer's diary? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A Cream journal</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call a naughty orchestra? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A sinphony</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call a deaf paladin? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A knight in signing armor</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Why did the tree complete the square? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Because he wanted to find his roots</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call a fire at a noodle factory? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A tragedy of the ramens</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Did you hear about how 1 and </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 16px;">√</span><span style="line-height: 32px;">-1 are dating? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>I heard it's complex.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Why did the dog write poetry in tetrimeter? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Because it has four feet</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Why should you never kiss a chemist? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>They think that first base is caustic.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What is it called when a circle wins a battle but at great cost? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A pi-ric victory</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What is James Mays' favorite element? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Car-bon</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Why did the 10th Doctor rent a flat? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Because he was a David Tenant </span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What do you call a whip that isn't very heavy? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A light switch</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Ron Weasly walks into a bar. What does he order? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A Ginger Ale</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>Why did the lawn ornament pass the class? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>Because he did all his gnome-work</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>Q. </b>What does a fashionable scientist wear? </span><br />
<span style="line-height: 32px;"><b>A. </b>A fab coat</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 32px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-52531235856359296542013-12-19T09:21:00.000-08:002013-12-19T09:21:02.012-08:00A Challenger Approaches!Hello, hello! Do make yourselves comfortable. Welcome to the first ever Guest Extravaganza, starring me, a guest. As may have been aware (please tell me you were not), this marks the anniversary of our dear benefactor Havoc Mantis’s first blog post *applause, air horns*. As a joke, I wrote a mockup of a post I would make if I were involved in the blog. Well unfortunately for you all, the joke has become all too real, and now I’m actually doing this.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H51w_VI8xVw/UrIYJ5YohBI/AAAAAAAAAKs/NH1ZSG06mdQ/s1600/Ari+post+charges+filed.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H51w_VI8xVw/UrIYJ5YohBI/AAAAAAAAAKs/NH1ZSG06mdQ/s320/Ari+post+charges+filed.png" width="275" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jokes kind of stop being funny once charges are filed.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
So, as I am sure it is painfully apparent, I have no prior experience doing this. And when I say “this,” I mean writing a blog post, not degrading myself on the internet. With that in mind, I’ll try not to go too crazy with this, as I was told not to go too crazy with this. Since the Steam Winter Sale is likely upon us, or soon to be upon us, by the time this is written, this post will consist of some of the games I bought during the Fall Sale, and my impressions of them. Let’s get this travesty started, I’ve got things to do (Skullgirls).<br />
<br />
First up in the Calamity Carnival is Electronic Super Joy, a platformer created by Michael Todd. Do you hate yourself, or are you confident in your skills (hate yourself)? Then Electronic Super Joy is the game for no one. I bet you thought I was going to say, “it’s the game for you” or something, but no. ESJ (getting lazy, typing sucks) could be described as an unholy union of Super Meat Boy and Super Hexagon; I mean, they all have “super” in their names, so it’s a thing, right? If that description appeals to you for some reason, you should probably set up an appointment with your friendly neighborhood neurosurgeon—because you’re going to need a lobotomy.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kdq9Z-9b2Ng/UrIWj0-nTaI/AAAAAAAAAKM/AKlkyn_iJl0/s1600/Ari+post+lobotomy.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kdq9Z-9b2Ng/UrIWj0-nTaI/AAAAAAAAAKM/AKlkyn_iJl0/s1600/Ari+post+lobotomy.png" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Wait, did he mean I'll need a lobotomy before or after playing the game?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
The first thing you’ll notice about the game is that you’re dead, because you had an epileptic episode. But really, the game contains a lot (see: always, and with great vigor) of flashing colors. The game warns of this at the start of the game, but by then, you’ve already purchased it, so too late to cry about seizures by then. The second thing you’ll notice is that the game is absurdly unforgiving, that is, if you’re trying to 100% it. Otherwise, the onslaught of checkpoints will make the game feel slightly less completely awful in every way. The jumping is a little wonky—the character doesn’t cover as much horizontal distance as he maybe should, and this is highlighted when nearly all of the stages involve making exact pixel jumps to the next ledge. I’m not messing around, here. Your timing better be solid, or you’re getting a one-way ticket to hell.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GfF730dSjEY/UrIXHNwHcmI/AAAAAAAAAKU/mLVpnsD4utE/s1600/Ari+post+Hell+Starts+Now.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="273" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GfF730dSjEY/UrIXHNwHcmI/AAAAAAAAAKU/mLVpnsD4utE/s320/Ari+post+Hell+Starts+Now.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wasn't kidding</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
In addition to this, it’s difficult to tell where your character is located on the screen. There are portions where you have to make leaps into items you need, and you’ll swear up and down and all around that you touched the item because your light streak that follows right behind your character went through it but the game’s like, “Nah, man. You weren’t even close,” even though you know that you had to have touched it in order for your light streak to have gone through the item. Or maybe that was just me? I don’t know. But in all seriousness, the jumping doesn’t feel as polished as it should be for a platformer, which is a big problem when attempting to fully complete the game. And don’t get me started on the missiles. You know what? I won’t even get me started on the missiles. There are a lot of them, they suck, that’s it. Bottom line, if you value your sanity, don’t get Electronic Super Joy. Spend your money on something else, like Skullgirls.<br />
<br />
Next up, is Gunpoint. Buy this if you haven’t. I mean it. Right now. Stop reading this, go into the Steam store, and purchase Gunpoint, then come back. Did you get it? Good. If not, you’re only hurting yourself.<br />
<br />
AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, THE MAIN EVENT. So, sharp readers (those of you who aren’t blind) may have noticed me mention Skullgirls a few times. Some of you may be wondering, “What’s Skullgirls, and why don’t I already own this masterpiece?” Skullgirls is a fighting game that was independently developed by Reverge Labs. The game features stunning hand drawn art with a unique style, and combat that is easy enough for beginners, yet complex enough for experts. Also, come on, it’s Skullgirls.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fn0abgNuqEs/UrIXW7Yy_HI/AAAAAAAAAKc/nEBAUwWOsaE/s1600/Ari+post+Jack+Frost.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="211" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fn0abgNuqEs/UrIXW7Yy_HI/AAAAAAAAAKc/nEBAUwWOsaE/s320/Ari+post+Jack+Frost.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ALSO, COME ON, IT'S SKULLGIRLS</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Now that I find myself writing this, I’m at a loss for what to say. The game is incredible. There are so many little things that make it what it is. Things like performing 18-hit Barely Legal combos on your opponents. I couldn’t make that up if I tried. Eighteen-hit combos actually have the caption “Barely Legal” under them. The game is constantly undergoing change, and DLC characters are in the works. The DLC characters are free if you have the game when they’re released, otherwise, they’re around $5. The roster is probably the most unique thing about the game. The game features a (soon not to be) all-female cast, who all sport their own crazy appearances and movesets. The characters are in pursuit of an artifact called the Skullheart, which has the power to grant wishes. Blah blah blah, usual fighting game story stuff that isn’t that important. Anyway, I highly recommend this game to anyone who is a fan of fighting games, or anyone who has always wanted to jump in, but felt that the options available were too complex to even get started.<br />
<br />
Congratulations, you made it to the end! What? You thought I meant you? No, I meant me. I finally made it to the end of this post. Well, I suppose congratulations are in order for you as well. You sat through my drivel which somehow probably managed to be worse than the content you’re used to. And for that, I’m not sorry.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct265sowZas/UrIXxLGPBCI/AAAAAAAAAKk/9_a2McFG0Qc/s1600/Ari+post+Haar+Deal+with+it.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ct265sowZas/UrIXxLGPBCI/AAAAAAAAAKk/9_a2McFG0Qc/s320/Ari+post+Haar+Deal+with+it.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-14360845317434183922013-12-04T09:47:00.005-08:002014-05-05T06:45:50.798-07:00I am The Law, and So Can You!As you may have guessed from my full title, "Havoc Mantis,
Esquire", (Or my re-anagrammed title, "Serviceman Quits a
Ho") I am fully qualified to practice law in the state of "I
swear, this is totally America, why would you even think it's Japan".
I am referring to the Ace Attorney series, which <a href="http://havocmantis.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-comeback-adult.html">I
have mentioned before</a>, and am mentioning again. Right at this
very moment, in fact.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
A new Ace Attorney game, Dual Destinies, came stateside about a
month ago, and I guess I took that as an invitation to talk about it
on this here blog. The Ace Attorney series of games follows the legal
career of Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright, (and eventually some other,
blunter-haired attorneys) as he acquits his clients through sheer
power of belief, and in the process causes the prosecutor's heart to
grow three (3) sizes. Or he just straight up kills them. Either way.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies actually earned a Mature rating from
the ESRB, which is rather surprising for a game about murder.
Honestly, I can't really think of any way in which it was
significantly more graphic or "mature" than previous
entries in the series.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gahHDwRfeKo/Up9lXMlxknI/AAAAAAAAAI4/LjCL7-Bn2eY/s1600/High+impact+sexual+violence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gahHDwRfeKo/Up9lXMlxknI/AAAAAAAAAI4/LjCL7-Bn2eY/s1600/High+impact+sexual+violence.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Well, when you put it that way...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Well, in most of the honestly, I only
wrote this post so I could make that joke, so see you next week,
folks! Oh, if only you were so lucky. Instead, I guess I'll say more things about Dual
Destinies. I'm not entirely sure how what the verdict (hah!) on Dual
Destinies is. On one hand, I think I enjoyed it the least of all the
Ace Attorney games. On the other hand, I think I might kind of be a
jaded, bitter asshole (see: my opinion of Pokemon X and Y). One
curious thing that I noticed is that there was a lot less gameplay.
The court sequences felt more automated than before, with fewer
cross-examination sequences, and out of court segments involved a lot
less CSI and interrogation, and a lot more listening to people talk.
This ended up making the game a lot easier, especially considering
the ability to make save-states in the middle of court, which removed
any sense of urgency in making decisions.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
But then again, the Ace Attorney series
has arguably always been more about the stories and characters than
the gameplay. And how do those stack up? Pretty nicely, all things
considered. Although there were times when the plot was predictable,
and seemed a bit too similar to previous entries in the series, there
were some genuinely heartwarming moments and shocking twists,
including at least one revelation that easily stands up to the Zero
Escape series in terms of mind-blowingness. Seriously, the moment I
learned the truth about [REDACTED] may have been worth the price of
admission by itself.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Just like every previous game in the
series, Dual Destinies introduces a new rival prosecutor, Simon
Blackquill, a convicted murderer who's more dangerous than a second
bowl of Eldoon's Noodles. I think it's pretty cool how every previous
prosecutor was talked up by someone saying, “This prosecutor has
never lost a case! Do you feel lucky?” and then Blackquill is
talked up by saying, “This prosecutor killed a man. DO YOU FEEL
LUCKY?” Blackquill is also a Samurai, but due to his incarceration, his ability to summon demons has been revoked. Not that that stops the game from bringing them along anyway, bless its heart. I could say a lot of things about Blackquill, but I'm afraid that giving my opinions will bias the jury. Just kidding! There is no jury. There never was a jurist system, so we should all just forget about it.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
All-in-all, I'd say that this game
wasn't quite as good as I'd hoped, but it wasn't a disappointment,
like I felt Pokemon was. Or this post, for that matter.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When I originally started wrighting
this post, I had intended to transition to talking about Papers,
Please, and how I was also The Law there. (In case you didn't already
know, Papers, Please, is a "Dystopian Document Thriller"
about looking at passports and finding new and creative ways to tell
people to get the hell out of your country.) But important things
have come up. Time sensitive things that deserve another post.
Probably one with a spiffy title, like "Punchstarter"
(Kickstopper was already taken). But time is of the essence, so I'll
have to make dew.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Really? Am I actually to believe that
in the universe of the world wide web, there does not exist an image
of the Dew patrol from Fairly Odd Parents? Well, I guess we all
missed out on an opportunity for me to make a barely coherent joke
about "quitting your day job". Sometimes I wonder why we
ever even invented the internet.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Anyway, as I previously implied, I am
indeed promoting a Kickstarter. Not one of my own, of course. I could
never be morally comfortable with accepting money for this. I may be
an asshole, but I'm not a monster. What I am promoting is a game
called <a href="http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/437762268/tadpole-treble">Tadpole
Treble</a>, a neat little game with music, action, art, and the most
dangerous secret in the universe, i.e. my real name. If you're
actually interested in the game, you're probably best off clicking
that link and reading the details there. If you're just interested in
seeing if I can spin this shameless other-promotion into something
funny, then read on. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Tadpole Treble is a game that defies
classification into any genre I know of. I almost described it as an
"on-rails shooter without shooting", but that sounds more
tedious than trying to come up with clever comparisons, so I won't
describe it like that. Basically, you play a tadpole named "Baton",
and you go through a constantly moving level trying to dodge
obstacles. But the twist is that the level is a staff, and the
obstacles are notes, forming the sheet music for the song that plays
during the level. When things happen in the music, things happen in
the game. So I guess, for example, if the music speeds up, the level
speeds up, or if a tritone plays, your eyes turn red and you sprout
devil horns. Not Baton, mind you; This will happen to you, the player
of the game. Such is the power of the tritone.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<center>
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<td style="border: none; padding: 0in;" width="322"><div align="CENTER">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dKLw5dBw1sI/UpvB1myDyaI/AAAAAAAAAIk/4yZx2_xEBhM/s1600/Devil-Grohl.jpg"><img align="BOTTOM" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dKLw5dBw1sI/UpvB1myDyaI/AAAAAAAAAIk/4yZx2_xEBhM/s320/Devil-Grohl.jpg" height="179" name="graphics2" width="320" /></a></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td style="border: none; padding: 0in;" width="322"><div align="CENTER">
Actual Playtester</div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
</center>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
To the surprise of even myself, it
would seem that I retain some iota of dignity somewhere in the corner
of my mind, and I cannot bring myself to beg you for donations. But
fret not; when I find that last scrap of stubborn pride, it will be
immediately executed, without mercy or compassion. Those were the
first to go. But seriously, in all actuality, in the time it has
taken me to type this, the goal has almost been reached. Hell, if I
continue writing this at the same rate that I have been, by the time
I'm finished, Kickstarter will be naught but a distant memory from a
golden age of internet handouts. There's really no need to spend your
money, especially after the wallet-threshing you likely received from
the recent Steam sale. Although, if you've ever dreamt of dropping
$20 to have your name appear next to mine, this may be your last
chance, so act soon!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Because I have something I'd like to
get off my chest, I will now talk about <a href="http://brawlinthefamily.keenspot.com/">Brawl in the Family</a>, a
webcomic by the same man as Tadpole Treble. Simply put, Brawl in the
Family is the webcomic I would write if I wrote a webcomic. Except
without references to handicapped smut from the darkest corner of the
internet. Or sexual implications regarding exploded bodies. Or
rambling, incoherent sentence fragments. But despite these vast
incongruities between my writing style and that of BitF, there are
several similarities between the two: A love of Nintendo, a love of
references, and most importantly of all, a love of Nintendo
references. Brawl in the Family stars the cast of Super Smash Bros.
Brawl, with Kirby as the main focus, and is about... well, the cast
of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Just doing whatever it is that they do
when not smashing brothers. Making sight gags out of eating things,
it would seem.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
But that thing I said about it being
the webcomic I I'd write if I wrote a webcomic was no idle jest. When
I was a younger man, many were the occasions when I was told that I
was funny enough to be funny on the internet. That's why I eventually
started this blog, because I think it's important to teach people to
be careful what they wish for. But before this blog came to be, I had
the idle notion that I could write a webcomic, with an almost
identical premise, if I recall correctly. Super Smash Bros.
Characters super smashing their bros, whilst making jokes about it.
And because Kirby is my favorite character, he got top billing. Sure,
I have absolutely no talent for art, but looking back at some of the
first strips of BitF, it seems that he didn't really either. If I
recall correctly, I even had a few drafts written up for some strips,
but they are all (hopefully) lost to the mists of time. But I do
remember something involving going to McDonalds, ordering a number 2,
(you know how their menu is numbered?) and then something about
eating poop (you know, like number 1 and number 2 assigned to bodily functions?). I believe the phrase “Elementary School toilet
nomenclature” was involved. Because this is the kind of things that Kirby does when he's not skipping through meadows of sunshine and daisies.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.</div>
Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4545790171085771225.post-49046616260796930812013-11-15T06:43:00.000-08:002013-11-15T06:43:56.634-08:00iTunes? More like cryTunes<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Pull up a seat, make yourselves
comfortable, and I will tell you a tale. A classic tale that will
echo throughout the ages, an emotional roller coaster of frustration,
rage, anger, irritation, aggravation, grief, longing, and buttmad.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N4dzAioi9ko/UgxeB3NGALI/AAAAAAAAADw/M9WAG8Bz5p0/s1600/butt+mad.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N4dzAioi9ko/UgxeB3NGALI/AAAAAAAAADw/M9WAG8Bz5p0/s320/butt+mad.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This isn't your average, everyday joke reuse. This is... ADVANCED joke reuse.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4545790171085771225" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a>I guess you could say that this story
began in the year 1711, on a lonesome ship in the middle of a stormy
sea, where a group of alchemists attempted to summon a devil to aid
their quest for the grand panacea, an elixir granting
immortality to any who imbibe it. Surprisingly enough, the ritual
worked, and all aboard the vessel were granted everlasting life, only
to be cut short by the hand of another immortal. But that's enough of
my backstory. It could be said that my troubles began a few years
ago, the moment my brother won a free iPad in a raffle, but refused
his friend's offer to give him $200 to smash it against the ground
then and there. This resulted in the unfortunate affliction of owning
an iPad, and a yet more severe case of having to deal with iTunes.
But little did I know, all those frustrations were but a prelude to
the fugue that was to follow.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
A few months ago, I saw an update on
Serebii that said that the soundtrack for Pokemon X and Y (That's
right. It's another one of those posts) would be sold on iTunes.
Gamefreak had finally called me out on my bluff that I would legally
pay for and download video game music if only I was given the chance.
And I was glad they did. Gamefreak, and video game makers
(Developers? Producers? Birthers?) in general make some pretty
spectacular music, and they deserve to be recognized for it,
monetarily. Sure, it meant that I would now have to actually pay for
the music, and opportunities to become poorer usually aren't
something that I celebrate, but as long as the money was going to a
good cause, it would be worth it, because it would allow me to fit
way too many commas in one sentence, wouldn't it?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
And then, on November 12<sup>th</sup>,
a month after the game was released, the full soundtrack was released
on iTunes, an impressive 212 songs for a meager $10. Deals don't get
much better than that, right? I mean, sure a lot of the “songs”
are probably just short jingles and sound effects, but even if as
much as half of them were proper songs, it's still be chin and
earlobes above most other songs you'd buy off iTunes. Hell, just a
few days prior, I had considered buying the Bastion Soundtrack for
the same amount of money, and it only has 22 songs. As it turns out,
I should have purchased the Bastion Soundtrack, and heeded its words
more carefully. Indeed, some day, these tears were gonna spill.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
After taking a few minutes to download
iTunes and get an account set up, I moseyed on over to the
soundtrack, and-- wait, what? You know, Gamefreak, when I said “if
even as much as half of them were proper songs”, I wasn't just
trying to win a pretentious-sounding sentence competition. That was
supposed to be an exaggeration. I didn't expect that that would be
anywhere close to the truth. Well, whatever. Even just 20 songs makes
for a pretty burly album, so I shouldn't complain. I'll just click on
the “buy” button, enter some credit card information, fail to
understand how the money that I'm spending correlates to real world
time spent working, and get on with my life. Eh? It says the
connection has been reset, and the purchase couldn't be completed.
And if I try it again? Same thing. I guess I'll check out the
internet to see what they have to say about this problem. This guy
says that his problem went away after he logged out of iTunes then
logged back in, so I guess I'll try that. No, that didn't work. This
says that switching my DNS settings solved this guys similar problem.
For all I know, DNS stands for “Do Not Switch”, but if someone on
the internet says it's a good idea, who am I to argue? And...
nothing. Same error. Maybe my firewall is blocking all the grass and
ice types from getting in? Let's see what happens if I disable that
for a bit. Huh. That didn't work either. I'm kind of running out of
ideas now. Maybe it'll work if I try switching this narrative from
present tense back to past tense? But that didn't work either.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3jbgI3yNr58/UoWl2Sm4hGI/AAAAAAAAAHo/T1RPeXZC3O8/s1600/God.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3jbgI3yNr58/UoWl2Sm4hGI/AAAAAAAAAHo/T1RPeXZC3O8/s1600/God.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The remainder of this story will be told in first person omniscient.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The error message seemed to indicate
that some kind of error was occurring with my network as the album
was being downloaded, so I reasoned that it may have been the size of
the album that was causing the error. To test this hypothesis, I
tried downloading a song. To my surprise, and immediate regret, the
download was successful, and I found myself in possession of a song I
had already possessed.</div>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-74rzNJUkJCE/UoWo-pRmr8I/AAAAAAAAAH0/-ajMr_nBhY8/s1600/Miku.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-74rzNJUkJCE/UoWo-pRmr8I/AAAAAAAAAH0/-ajMr_nBhY8/s320/Miku.png" width="208" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Immediate Regret</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So individual songs were able to slip
past the music embargo iTunes had placed on my computer, but what
about albums? I didn't know if all albums would produce the same
error, or if it was just the Pokemon soundtrack. And, being a
scientist, I knew that there was only one way to test my hypothesis:
by experiment. So I decided to try to buy a different album, and see
if it would work. So, with as little consideration as possible,
(consideration is the enemy of scientific endeavors) I decided to buy
The Decemberists' newest album, The King is Dead, because, hey, why
not? I mean, sure, I spent $10 on an album that I could have just
listened to on Spotify for free, but... wait. Actually, that is a
pretty good answer to the question “Why not?”. But the real kicker was when I later found out that I could
have bought the Bastion Soundtrack on iTunes for the same price as
elsewhere, killing two birds with one stone.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img class="irc_mut" height="200" id="irc_mi" src="http://cdn.stereogum.com/files/2010/11/decemberists-the-king-is-dead.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px;" width="200" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Delayed Regret</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
<br />
At this point, I had had it. It was time to bring out the big guns. If no one else on the Apple forums had asked about this problem, I guess it was up to me to nut up and do the opposite of shut up. So I made my own little discussion about how I could download other songs and albums, but not the Pokemon X and Y soundtrack. And apparently this is a problem others have experienced, as 8 other people indicated that they had the same question. While I was waiting, I figured that I might as well listen to some of the music I just bought. But, of course, my hardships were not over yet. Whenever I tried to play about half of the songs, it would ask me to authorize my computer to play my iTunes music. After entering my credentials, it would tell me that my computer was already authorized, only to ask for authorization again if I tried to make like Sam and play it again.<br />
<br />
And in the face of all of this, I kept circling back to one question: Why? Why is iTunes the top music merchant in the world if this is how their software works? It certainly isn't because of quality. As it turns out, when you buy music from iTunes, you don't actually get an MP3 file, and whatever it is that you get, it isn't compatible with anything other than iTunes, and converting it to a more widely usable file is expensive, inconvenient, or illegal. And the whole "authorization" thing I mentioned earlier. You can authorize 5 computers to play your iTunes music, and then your account is basically dead, and you can't play that music on any other computer, as far as I can tell. And for what benefit? Why do we, as a society, allow Apple's monopoly on music to persist? Is it just because we've come to associate digital music with iTunes, and are too lazy to try something else, like Amazon Music or Google Play? And I think it's a real shame, because iTunes has a vast library, with even more music than Spotify.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-74rzNJUkJCE/UoWo-pRmr8I/AAAAAAAAAH4/INB5hIcCkTM/s1600/Miku.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-74rzNJUkJCE/UoWo-pRmr8I/AAAAAAAAAH4/INB5hIcCkTM/s320/Miku.png" width="208" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: Even more music</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
And at this point, I was going to lecture to lecture on the evils of DRM, and how information wants to be free, and how I wish that I could support the people who made some music that I enjoy without the money going to an evil corporation that is an enemy of Liberty and Justice. But I just managed to download the Pokemon soundtrack, and I'm quite enjoying it, even if many of the best songs are above my clearance at the moment. So I guess you win this round, Apple. I'll save my jokes about how you're "rotten to the core" for another day.<br />
<br />
And what of the end of our tale? How was it that that most cursed of days drew to a close? I listened to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mw47dhbvOoE">Hyadain</a> and cried myself
to sleep. And that, kids, is how you make a silver lining out of a
mole hill.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N4dzAioi9ko/UgxeB3NGALI/AAAAAAAAADw/M9WAG8Bz5p0/s1600/butt+mad.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-N4dzAioi9ko/UgxeB3NGALI/AAAAAAAAADw/M9WAG8Bz5p0/s320/butt+mad.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictured: ADVANCED joke overuse</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
Havocmantishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10427660832310989747noreply@blogger.com0