Monday, February 11, 2013

The Inevitable Apology

This post was ordained by fate. From the moment I created this blog, nay, the moment I was born, I have walked an undiverting road to this instant in time. It is a fixed point; there can be no rewriting. For this is the post wherein I apologize for not updating in awhile.

The reasons for the lack of updates are myriad. Of primary concern is Physics lab, specifically how hard it's crushing my spirit. Harder than Battletoads, if you were wondering. I also have other classes that I take, and I may even start caring about them once I start learning things that I don't already know. I've also been accepted for a workstudy position, where I will be doing something at some place for 10 hours a week, and then I'll tell the government that it was work, whether it was or not. But don't tell them that. Pinky promise?

I'm also working on a secret project that may take up some of my time. I can't divulge much information, as I'm still under a NDA, but I'm working as an undercover agent, infiltrating a particular organization for reasons that I do not have the authorization to divulge. Plus, Valentine's Day is coming up, so me and my girlfriend are probably going to... I'm sorry, but I just can't continue that sentence. I'm comfortable with making ridiculous statements and unbelievable implications, but I have to draw the line somewhere. The idea of me having a girlfriend is so farfetched, it's holding a leek right now. And using “me” as a subject? Preposterous.

And, to top it all off, I recently started playing the new Fire Emblem, which, to put it mildly, has been catastrophic to my willingness to do things that aren't playing Fire Emblem. But I sense that to be the subject of a future post, so I'll leave it be for now.

For all of these things, I am deeply sorry. If I had the courtesy to stick to blogging, and dared not cling to the foolish aspirations that I may some day be a real, functioning member of society, then this betrayal of your trust would never have occurred. My hubris must be punished, and it is you, my dear readers, who pay the price. And so you know that my words come from the heart, let me speak the sacred oath, binding my words in blood: I am being so sincere right now.

When writing a paper in English class, teachers often instruct students to “tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them.” And, if you read through this post, you'll see that I've done that. I say that I'm going to apologize, give a couple reasons, then actually apologize. That being the case, what is this paragraph doing here? The one you're reading right now? What purpose could it possibly serve? Well, I guess it could possibly COULD contain some incredible secret that I need to share, like the key to cold fusion, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. But it does not. The closest thing to a purpose is that, if you guys had to wait so long for a post, I'd feel bad if it wasn't at least as long as the meandering rambles I've come to be known for. Because we all know that blogs are measured by their quantity, rather than quality. If it helps to put it as an analogy, (And I hope it does, because I consider myself quite the analogist) then this paragraph is like the part of Wind Waker where you had to salvage the Triforce pieces from the bottom of the ocean. Except Wind Waker ended with one of the most epic final boss battles in the series, and this post doesn't even end with a proper joke.  

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