Thursday, October 2, 2014

The Unnecessary Second Half of that Post that I Just Didn't Finish

Sometimes, when you land a particularly powerful KO hit on someone, there's a visual effect that kind of looks like black lightning, which is why I decided to call it black lightning. (Which it just now occurs to me sounds very much like a blaxploitation film) It doesn't add anything to the gameplay, but it's a nice touch; it makes your hypest kills just a little bit more hype, and that's really what Smash Bros. is all about. And with that in mind, I'll be dedicating the remainder of this post to all the pre-Smash fanfare that has been missing from my blog, laying out what is and is not hype about the new Smash in explicit detail.

Remember back before X and Y singlehandedly killed my interest in Pokemon? How I'd bitch about all the new Pokemon that were teased? Well, that's happening again, except with Duck Hunt Dog this time. Remember that dog in Duck Hunt who laughed at you every time you missed a shot? The one that you've probably made jokes about hating, despite having never played Duck Hunt, because what are you, old? Yeah, him. He's a playable character. Why? The only reason I can come up with is for pandering. (old) People still hate him for laughing at their every missed shot, so Nintendo's given them the opportunity to take out their rage by way of black lightning. There's really no other excuse for him to be there. If you defend him, you are wrong. Sure, he was in a popular game, but that was over a quarter of a century ago, and at no time in that game was it ever implied that he was capable of fighting. In fact, there were probably only a few dozen sprites of him, just laughing at you. I guess I shouldn't say “Duck Hunt dog”, because the ducks are also there fighting with him for some reason, because, you know, whatever, I guess. I know Smash isn't really big on continuity, but it seems like a stretch to make something happen that should not have happened.

I just hate that kind of thing.

And while I'm bitching, I might as well bring up my other major gripe with the game: the seeming return of clones. Brawl clearly made a departure from clones (fighters with nearly identical movesets, like Fox and Falco). Pichu, Roy, and Dr. Mario were axed, and characters who started as clones (Like Captain Falcon and Ganondorf) were changed to be more different. Smash 4 seems to reverse this trend with Lucina, Dr. Mario, and Dark Pit, who, as far as I can tell, are clones of Marth, Mario, and Pit, respectively. I haven't actually played the game yet, so I don't know how closely these clones resemble their counterparts, but it seems to me like they could all be alternate skins for other characters (more on that in a bit). Hell, Lucina (SPOILERS AHEAD) literally takes the name “Marth” when you first meet her, so it's not that much of a stretch? So why is she in the game? One conjecture I heard was that she was included so there'd be more female fighters. I don't like that idea. I realize that sounds like it was written from the top of a literal mountain of privilege, and maybe it was. I'm not saying that video games shouldn't make an effort to be more inclusive of everyone, but I do think that there are better ways of going about it. If they really wanted a female character from Fire Emblem, there are better options available.

I'm a slasher... of prices

Anna's the only character who's been in every Fire Emblem game since the beginning,  and she just made her debut as a playable character in Awakening, so she's a natural choice.

Anyway, that's quite enough negativity. I'm still more hyped for Smash 4 than I have been for any game since Brawl, despite the fact that, when I really think about it, there are only two characters that I'm really excited to play: Robin and Rosalina (& Luma). Robin, because Fire Emblem Awakening is one of my favorite games of all time, and Rosalina, because I've always been a big fan of The Bard.

A reference all the way back to my first post. No, not that one. No, not the one titled "First Post!", either. Yeah, that one!

You know, I thought that leaving that cliffhanger in my previous post would motivate me to finish this one as soon as possible, but in a much more real way, I knew for absolute sure that it wouldn't. The fact of the matter is that I have nothing to say about Smash that you don't already know. It's cool. Really cool. Cooler than superfluid Helium. Cooler than a quantum refrigerator. Perhaps even cool enough to help me recover from the traumatic feels incurred from reading Brawl in The Family's concluding strip.

"I'm gonna get you, feelings"

But, as cool as it is, it's not the only fighting game happening these days. Just three days before the release of Smash, I picked up Persona 4 Ultimax. I mean, I'm a fan of the Persona series now, so the tarot card deck pre-order bonus was awfully appealing. And I reasoned that if I could get good at Skullgirls, then surely other fighting games would be within my reach. I have never been more wrong in my entire life.

And I once liked Pokemon Mystery dungeon.

P4U is a lot like the ocean: it's pretty cool, but there is just too goddamn much of it. While its roster isn't nearly as big as Smash's, each character in Smash has maybe a bit more than 20 moves. In P4U, each character has a hell of a lot more moves than I care to count. There's weak attacks, strong attacks, weak Persona attacks, strong persona attacks, 2 versions of each special attack, plus charged versions, furious attacks, sweeps, one-hit kills, throws, bursts, skills, Awakened skills, shadow frenzies, and God knows what else.

Don't drag me into this. I don't know what those kids are up to these days.

I wouldn't say that it's bad, or that it's not fun, but it's deep enough that learning how to really play is a serious investment. I could probably get pretty good if I had enough time, but between school and Smash Bros., I don't really. But at least I have half a deck of tarot cards, so there's that. And, speaking of not having enough time, Smash bros. happens in just a few hours, and I should really put this out before that happens. So, until I'm done with Smash Bros, (never) this is Havoc Mantis, signing off.

No comments:

Post a Comment