Saturday, March 9, 2013

Hooke's Break

Ah, Spring. The season of Easter, Spring cleaning, and... Pilgrims? Mayflowers? You guys get what I'm getting at, I'm sure. And, now that I think about it, spring cleaning may be a reasonable explanation for why I woke up this morning to find my room a bit tidier than I was when I stumbled asleep last night (That's how synonyms work, right?) So I offer a traditional sacrifice to the godliness gremlins, that I may continue to live under their watchful protection. Amen.

I am sure that by now you have surmised two facts from my title: I am currently experiencing spring break, and I am still every bit as clever as I was in my golden days. And, from the way I used "surmised", you may be able to infer that I really don't know what that word means. It's called "reading between the lines, folks".

Only the finest middle-school humor for you, my dear readers

And, now that I've the free time to do... this, I figured I might as well, since I've little else to do. Unfortunately, it seems that the inspiration gnomes did not visit jointly with the godliness gremlins; I have no idea what to write about. But that never stopped me before, so I guess I'mma do this up. And  I guess I'll just do what I always do when I don't know what to do on this blog, which is let my friend (Who is now officially given the position of "Content Manager") tell me what to write about. And, because she has absolutely no consideration for my image in the eyes of my readers, (Although I can't much say that I do either, since I willingly admitted to reading glorified handicapped porn.) I guess I'm going to talk about 5 Centimeters per Second.

Unlike my devastatingly clever title up there, 5 cm/s is not really a physics reference. Yes, it is a measure of velocity, but there's little physics-based about the work itself. The title is derived from the supposed terminal velocity of a falling cherry blossom petal, which should make it crystal clear to you that this is an anime that I've tricked you into reading about for at least a few sentences. I'd prefer not to talk about weaboo things here, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I loathe spoilers, but I feel that it would be cruel of me to not at least administer the following warning: This anime is tragic. If you know me in real life, (and let's be honest, there aren't people just popping in from the aether to check up on some scrub's blog) then you know that I'm not much one for feelings. You'd be forgiven for thinking I didn't even have them. But goddamned if there weren't proto-tears in my eyes, even as I watched in the middle of the Physics room, surrounded by people who would not hesitate at the opportunity to make fun of me if they knew I cared about something.

As for what it's actually about... I guess I could link to the trailer, but that honestly doesn't tell much, except that the animation is really good. Like, I don't know nuthin' 'bout nuthin', but I can tell you for damn sure that that animation is top-tier, especially considering that it's from 2007.

Have you ever seen such a beautiful hallway? Don't you lie to me.

But I didn't come to gush about visuals, or even the music. In fact, I'm not entirely sure why I came here. If you could tell me, it'd be pretty neat. Also, since I'm entirely sure that you watched that trailer, I'll now reference something said in it. It says "At what speed must I live to be able to see you again?" I don't want to spoil a major plot point, but if they just dropped the petals in a vacuum  they could accelerate their lives at 9.8 m/s/s, and then they'd be getting shit done. If by some terrible accident anyone out there actually does watch this on my suggestion, (it's about an hour long, subs over dubs 4lyfe) tell me if you found it similar to "The Great Gatsby". I need to know whether I'm an insightful literary critic, or a just a raving lunatic, and I'm not insightful enough to just look in a mirror and let the torn flesh of my enemies, adorning my face, tell me the answer. But, as always, I am just kidding with you. I got rid of all the mirrors in my house ages ago.

And now that I've said all I care to say about that, it's time to shamelessly plug the next thing on the list. And that would be Bo Burnham. Jesus Christ. If you like everything about this blog, except its inoffensiveness, you should check him out. By his own description, he is "Creative and offensive, like handicapped porn", which I am allowed to say, because there is legal precedent. He is like the evolved form of me, except a twice-evolved form. Like, he's the Charizard to my Charmander, or the archsage to my mage (Because people played Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn, right?). At this point I'd like to take great offense to the fact that spell-check does not recognize "mage" as a word. Honestly, you should check him out whether or not you like my blog, because there's not much similarity between us, except that we both do math, poetry, and be funny. Except he does them all so much harder than I do. But because I'm incapable of suggesting things that don't require warnings, I'll say this: He takes pride in being offensive, and all of his songs are sufficiently edgy that I'm not terribly comfortable linking them. Oh yeah, I forgot: He's a musical comedian, and he does music, and a lot of it is actually pretty great. A lot of it could reasonably be considered "rap", and while that used to be something I'd be ashamed to admit, between him, Mr. B the gentleman rhymer, and Professor Elemental, (whom I may have to preach about some day) I'd say rap is now a good thing again. I'm sure you're all so relieved.

While I'm not comfortable with any of his entire songs (Which can be found on Spotify, if'n you're interested), I can quote specific lines, because that's a hell of a lot easier than trying to make my own funny things. For example, in his song "New Math", he says "What's the opposite of ln(x)? Duraflame, the unnatural log". I assure you, this is quite funny. In another poem/rap, he's talking about Shakespeare, and he says "[Shakespeare] had puns and quips and tons of trips of suns with ships and nuns with hips and buns and lips. But I had something he never had... Penicillin." He then goes on to say that back then they only had "quillicilin", which is great. All these things, and some much funnier ones that I'm too timid to mention, await you. If I had to recommend some songs in particular, it would probably be "Bo Fo' Sho'" and "Oh Bo". Oh yeah, also, he says "Fractions speak louder than words." If you don't think that one of the best puns you've ever, then you're either a terrible person, or you have a cache of unimaginably great puns that you need to share with me.

Well, I think that's about all I've got for today. I don't want this post to get your hopes up. I tactfully avoided mentioning the fact that this is the first post in a couple of weeks, but there's no need to beat around the bush. This in no way guarantees that I'll start being more active over the break, and I almost certainly will lapse back into hiatus one school starts up again. But really, I have no idea what's going to happen, so you should check back every day, just to make sure. It all depends on the whims of my content manager.

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