Thursday, April 4, 2013

Thursdays With Thomas

SPECIAL NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: When this post was originally written, I forgot to take one small thing into account; the world is a cruel, unforgiving place, and bad things happen to good people. In keeping with that, Thomas O'Brien has all but disappeared from the internet, and now even his previous videos are nowhere to be found. He popped up on Twitter awhile back to assure everyone that he was OK, but has since disappeared again. Wherever he is, whatever he's doing, I hope he's kicking ass. I'm being so sincere right now.

Welcome to your new favorite day of the week. Or, if you're not reading this on the day it was posted, welcome to a 1/7 chance that today's your new favorite day of the week. If you read the title of this post, then you are likely wondering why Thursday, the weekday with the smallest number of regularly scheduled webcomics, is such a special occasion. But there's no need to fear: I promise to assuage your fear in as untimely a manner as possible.

As you may know, I am quite a fan of I probably spend more time there than I do in any physical location. Unless we're talking about with respect to some fixed point on the surface of the Earth, but that would mean that I'm not being a pedantic asshole, so we're not. Proof by contradiction. It wouldn't be a lie to say that Cracked, in some ways, inspired me to write this blog. In fact, every time you read the words "Blog post" there's a great chance that I had to fight back the urge to type "article" instead. I consider these posts to be articles, like the ones on Cracked, except without all the interesting facts, and with humorless references instead of actual jokes. Also, instead of organizing my posts into handy list format, I prefer to blow on a fire until all my words coalesce into perfect cosmic alignment. Alright, I admit, sometimes jokes are replaced with heady nonsense, rather than references.

From Cracked, I'll smoothly transition one step closer to my final topic. Perhaps my favorite columnist over at Cracked is Daniel O'Brien. Maybe it's because he's really awkward, like me. Maybe it's because he's obsessed with pop culture references to a degree that doesn't even take a high school diploma to diagnose as unhealthy, like me. Maybe it's the fact that he's bald and has no friends, like me. Just kidding! I have a full head of hair, thank you very much. Whatever the reason, I think that Daniel O'Brien (Often abbreviated to DOB, which is pronounced Dee-Oh-Bee, rather than Dawb) is a pretty swell guy, and one of my favorite persons on the internet. He's a good writer, he's a good actor, he's a pretty good Spider-man,  and he's a good pal (I'd imagine). But why am I even talking about him? Well, you see...

The real purpose of this post is to talk about Thomas O'Brien, Daniel's older brother and literal wizard. Magic is a hard word to define, but I'd say that my best guess would be "Whatever it is that flows through Thomas O'Brien's veins". You see, this man plays the piano. Except it is a disgrace for him to even share the same verb with other pianists. He arts the piano. He has a thing on Youtube that he calls "One-Take Thursday", where he thinks up a song that he's going to play, and then, without sheet music, or practicing, or nothing, records himself playing it. In one take. Honestly, I have no real evidence that he isn't lying about the whole "one-take" part, but here's the thing: It really doesn't matter. His feats of pianism are so impressive that they stand on their own, no matter the context. If there's only one link that you ever click on this blog, I think it should be this one. I'm being so sincere right now.

A special magical barrier has been erected around the remainder of this post, and you will only be allowed to pass if your favorite song is Thomas O'Brien's Super Mario Medley. There's no need to worry, though. Just click that link up there, and you can solve that problem right up in no time.

Welcome, true-believer. Congratulations, in a way. You have seen the light, and have emerged a greater person because of it. But your journey is not at its end yet. While the Super Mario Medley is His Magnum Opus, it is far from his only great song. Your apotheosis can only be completed when all his work has been experienced and understood. You must think deeply on the ivory soundscapes, given form by He of sanctified blood. Only then will true enlightenment be yours.

On top of being magical, it's pretty evident that he really enjoys playing the piano. Just watching the way he almost dances around while playing is one of the best parts. Like when someone kind of sways to the melody when playing the clarinet, but he plays the clarinet so well that no one ever really calls him out on it. I hope you're reading this. You know who you are. I'm a huge fan.

If you need any further convincing of Thomas O'Brien's supernatural ability, then that "wizard" that taught me "magic" totally owes me an alibi for the drifter I kind of sacrificed in the profane ritual that granted me my "powers". In case I haven't made it sufficiently clear, I don't actually know what a "drifter" is, nor do I know what "quotation marks" are for. Regardless, if you are still skeptical, just know this: He took Justin Bieber's "Baby" and turned it into something not painful to listen to. Enjoyable, even. If there is a higher possible praise for a musician, I've not yet heard it, nor can I even imagine it. And He's totally okay with Youtube-ripping, so you don't even have to feel bad about stealing all his music. In fact, it's encouraged.

I could probably go on and on, thinking up new and clever ways of implying that this man is some kind of deity, but vaguely opposing The Ten Commandments is rarely a good idea when you want to impress strangers on the internet. Besides, I'd likely just end up with an article with more H than the universe. (You see, I've been capitalizing all pronouns referring to Him, so, like capital H?  And then H is the symbol of Hydrogen, the most abundant element in the universe. I... um... jokes) Besides, I've found that some people are less likely to do something the more you tell them to do it, (Basically everyone) so I'm really doing a disservice by praising him so highly, because that will only discourage people from listening, and that is an unfathomable disgrace. Oops. Did it again.

And, in the ultimate irony, (Kind of like how Shadow the Hedgehog is the "Ultimate Life Form", in that it isn't really that at all) He actually hasn't uploaded a video yet today. I've actually only heard of him recently, so I have no idea what time he usually updates at. But I'm sure that if we all join together, and believe hard enough, he'll come back to us. Just close your eyes... and believe.

EDIT: Thanks, guys. Your belief paid off.

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